[cleanhippie09]

i havent self injured in almost a year and i was doing great. but then all of a sudden my life turned upside down and now im cutting again. i have tried everything to stop but its so hard. other people at my highschool say i do it for attention but the real reason is because if im experiencing alot of physical pain, its hard to think about the emotional pain im experiencing. i hav even started hurting myself in my sleep scratching and biting myself and i dont know how to stop..

too ashamed to see a doctor or tell my family and friends.....
erin

[Christina86]

(((((((((((((Erin))))))))))))))) How did you stop before? What methods did you use, did you talk to anyone about this at all?

You have NO reason to be ashamed. You're trying to cope, and even though people can't understand that doesn't mean what you're doing is "bad" ... it just is harmful, overall. I know it's hard to "come clean" and tell someone... but is there anyone you trust enough to tell?

[Sannah]

Hi Hippie, what can be done about your emotional pain? Are you considering therapy? Why don't you want to tell your family?

[cleanhippie09]

well i live in the bible belt and SI is a big deal here.
my emotional pain is fueled by my fear of what he did to me.
only a few know and they dont believe me but to my face they are all sympathy.
i just found out today that one of the only people i have left to trust is getting fired for sexual harrassment. im scared and i know i shouldnt be because he has never done anything to harm me before but i know that if he wanted to he could deffinately overpower me.
i dont trust anyone. no one in this backwoods hell hole knows how to keep their mouthes shut.

[Sannah]

Can you just tell your family that you want therapy?

[turquoisesea]

First, I'm sorry your friend did that to you.

next... I know it feels like you've spent a whole year on not doing it, and now you failed but, I think you have to look at it in a different way.

you WON for an ENTIRE year.
I have relapsed too recently because life just got crazy. It happens. But remember, there was an entire year where you were FREE, you can , yes CAN do it again. Be proud for lasting so long, don't be afraid to admit it now

[cleanhippie09]

thank you for being so supportive.

[nowheretorun]

Originally Posted by cleanhippie09

thank you for being so supportive.

dont give up ((hippiegirl))) it can get better in time... keep letting us know how you feel and remember to keep an inner need alive within you, that is the one that tells you that in order to survive this, you need to get thru it, work your way thru it, moment by moment at times... keep your inner light alive and keep your head above water at all times unless you are diving for pearls, and then, wear a mask ...

but seriously, take care of you, k? sending hope and light and all the others are giving out great help to us all too ..

[DoggyBonz]

I want to echo what has been said, a year is a huge deal - I think sometimes a day is a huge deal. Ok, you cut again, you are human and you relapsed but here is the great thing - you posted about it. You did not hide in shame and continue, you made an awesome choice to talk about what is going on.

I'm sorry to hear that you are having so much trouble finding someone to talk to where you live. I'm not sure if this is possible but is there a teacher at school that you can talk to in confidence? Is there a school counselor? I'm almost positive that unless you are actively suicidal they are not obligated to tell anyone. You don't even have to mention the cutting, you can talk about the abuse or how you are feeling if that would make it easier. The cutting is a result of other things going on and maybe talking to someone will help.

I hated being told that I was doing it for the attention. I think in some ways I was hoping that someone would see the scars and realized I was hurting but then what. I also did it b/c it's the best way that I had to deal with my emotions. There are other ways and I am finally learning that now.

I understand about not wanting to talk to your parents or friends. I lived in so much shame and fear about what I was doing that no one knew for a long time. For me it was a very frightening and alone feeling that I might never get help. Once I went to college, I started to realize that I was not alone.

Please keep us posted on what is going on and again - A year is a HUGE deal.

[phoenix7]

how are you doing cleanhippie09? have you found a way to stop yet? remembered the things that helped you stop before? stopping for a year is great - it sets you up with ways of coping that you can try again - there are bumps in the road , sometimes we fall down, there is no shame in that - we get up dust ourselves off and try again - take care

[cleanhippie09]

thank yall so much for being so supportive