[Sher8907]

I've never cut before, I've only scratched and dug at my skin without realizing it, but its gotten to the point where that i've become so numb that i just want something to feel.....i know its not right but i just feel like everythings falling apart and i just want to feel anything....

can anyone give me advice as to with hold from doing this i would appreciate it i dont want to do it it scares me to be honest but its so hard to resist....

[phoenix7]

hi Sher8907,

look at the sticky threads a t the top of the page and they have lots of ideas of what to do instead - that may help

are you seeing a T? they can help too.

most of all - it doesnt stop the numbness - it just gives you another problem to deal with -

I am sorry you are feeling in such distres that you want to harm yourself - its probably because someone else has already harmed you? dont let the darkness win - hold out if you can - call a friend - post here - write down everyword in your head until it stops - please be kind to yourself and dont hurt yourself - please be safe P7

[DoggyBonz]

First, you should be really proud of yourself for posting rather then cutting - that is a really positive thing that you reached out for help.

Ok, it's the urge and giving into only makes it worse - talking from experience I wish I had never started. P7 is right, it does not make things better nor does it take away the numbness. If you have a therapist please contact them and if you don't this might be a good time to find a one.

You honestly don't have to start this very dangerous behavior. I can't stress enough that there are other ways to handle things. Here is the thing about feeling numb, you might be feeling numb to avoid feeling other things. Being numb helps avoid the pain momentarily, cutting is the same thing, it's a momentary relief and I know you might think it will help but it won't. Feeling whatever is there might sound intolerable but you can do this and get through it. This will pass and I know may sound impossible but it will. As I am learning, there is a reason why you want to hurt yourself and dealing with that will help take away the urges.

I hope this did not sound like a lecture, but I wish I had known this before I started. I am now learning to feel whatever is there w/o hurting myself and it is super hard b/c I have been doing it for so long.

Let us know how you are doing...

[Sher8907]

I didn't go through with it, because honestly it does scare me, but the overcoming urge to do so scares me even more.

Just alot of things right now are causing me to want to break...my boyfriend and I are arguing alot, I just miscarried our baby, I'm suffering in school....it just gets to the point where I feel nothing and just want to feel something. =\

But thank you both for your advice.

[phoenix7]

Im glad you didnt go through with it - well done you!

I hope you get some help - you have been through a lot and a T could help you through this - take care P7

[DoggyBonz]

[quote=Sher8907;942080]I didn't go through with it, because honestly it does scare me, but the overcoming urge to do so scares me even more.

Again, good for you that you decided to make a different choice -

It sounds like you have some painful things that are going on.

Cutting is about comforting ourselves and not letting other people get close enough to help us. It's a punishment for something we think we deserve. You don't deserve this, life is coming at you and dealing with it is hard.

The fact that you want to hurt yourself should might be an opportunity to see the huge neon sign - It's ok to get your needs met and find someone to talk to about this.

Overcoming the urge is hard and scary b/c it indicates that you might need to feel whatever is there but again you can do this. If you are in school you might want to think about finding a person there. In high school I needed someone to talk to and it ended up being a teacher that took the time to listen. I just talked to her a few times but it did help.

I hope that you decide to keep us posted and find someone to talk to about this. It really can help. Please don't dismiss the intensity of your feelings, things are already hard, you just don't have to add to them but hurting yourself.

[Sannah]

Sher, I would guess that you didn't get much help learning how to deal with your feelings when you were growing up? This can be learned. Therapy is a good idea.........

[Sher8907]

Originally Posted by Sannah

Sher, I would guess that you didn't get much help learning how to deal with your feelings when you were growing up? This can be learned. Therapy is a good idea.........

Growing up my mother never really listened to me when I would talk to her, and I always learned from her to just keep everything bottled up inside of me. I want to actually go to therapy but my mother took me off of her health insurance the year I graduated from high school in '07.

[Sannah]

There is publicly funded therapy. Contact United Way. Yes, this makes sense what you have explained. I am sorry that you had to learn this. You can talk about your feelings here too if you want to.

[DoggyBonz]

Originally Posted by Sher8907

Growing up my mother never really listened to me when I would talk to her, and I always learned from her to just keep everything bottled up inside of me. I want to actually go to therapy but my mother took me off of her health insurance the year I graduated from high school in '07.

Wow, I feel like I sound like I am really lecturing you and I am so sorry about that. I guess I just sense that you don't have to be doing this alone. There are therapists out there, I think you mentioned that you live in Ohio, I don't know where but if you want some help there are places to look. It might take some research on your part but here are some suggestions.

Call a teen hotline or an adult hotline and see if they know of any places that are on sliding scale.

Go back to your school counselor and find out if they can suggest anyone?

There are so many colleges and universities in the area and often times they have graduates who are supervised that work on a sliding scale that will help. They might also provide groups that are not just limited to students.

The good news is that people are more familiar with cutting than they were before and they recognize how serious it is. Peope want and can help you uncover the feelings that are beneath the urges.

The worst that can happen from reaching out is that you don't connect with anyone but what if you did and started to feel more in control of your actions? You are not alone in this and I think once you reach out you will find people not only on this site but in person who can help you. Hey, you never know by sharing with them you might help another person.

You can always turn back but you might discover something pretty cool within and if you don't cut then you don't have to worry about hiding those parts of your body.

Please keep us posted...