could my sex therapist have feelings for me or have her own problems?

I posted this in another area and maybe it was the wrong place. Since I am new I cannot delete posts. I appreciate your patience and feedback.

Greetings. I am a sexual addict who also suffers from severe anxiety. I have been seeing a therapist on and off for about 4 years. I am a married 40 year old man. The therapist is a little older woman. I have always been very open, honest and straight forward with her regarding issues or acting out I have done. My modality is exhibitionism. I recently began trying new combinations of medication to help with the anxiety. A side effect of the SSRIs is that I can not ejaculate, erections are no problem. My psychiatrist, seperate from my therapist, prescribed me Viagra to help.
Over the couple months, I have on occasion, been able to see up my therapists dress or skirt (thats all she wears) and able to see her panties very clearly. As a straight forward person I let her know I could, not for shock value, but because I actually respect and care about her as a person. I feel maybe we are more friends then client and therapist. 2 weeks ago she leaned forward for something and I saw her right nipple exposed as her blouse and bra pulled away from her chest. Again I told her and she said I must of been mistaken. I assure you, I was not.
This last week I had to increase one of the anxiety meds and picked up my new prescription for Viagra. Without paying attention, when I got home I took all my meds, including a full Viagra (not the 1/4 pill I was suggested to start at. I went to my therapists appointment and we immediately began this discussion of my inability to ejaculate and I told her about the Viagra AND that I had accidently take one that morning. We continued the discussion and as things would have it I began to become aroused. I was just wearing a pair gym shorts and it was clearly visible as I became more and more so. I told her it was happening so as to not cause a problem and we continued the talk. I caught her looking at my erection several times and looking away. Still the talk continued and I tried to hide it with my arms and crossing my legs. But it wasnt helping, finally the dicussion was too much for me with all my frustrations over the last couple weeks and I asked her if I should go to the restroom and masturbate. She agreed that was an idea and suggested I cover myself with a small pillow and walk there. I was not comfortable with that so I asked if I could do it right there in the office. She agreed that was probably safer and got up to leave. She took her time and I was almost out of control at that point seeing her glance again. Before she got to the door I exposed myself and began. She stopped at the door to get something, turned and looked and saw me exposed and in progress. She slowly looked away and left. I never ejaculated because I was nervous. I thought she was going to call the police, come back and chastise me or fire me as a client. What happened instead was she came back 5 minutes later, knocked and asked if I was ok. I answered the door and told her no, I was not that I couldnt and I was clearly upset by not only my frustration but ny my actions. Here is where I thought she was going to let me have it. I apologized over and over and let know I was at fault and it was unacceptible. Her response was, "Its ok". She came back in and we finished the session and I left with the next appointment scheduled.
I know what most of you will say but I just need to see it. I should get another therapist shouldnt I? First of all, she knows I am a sex addict and into exhibitionism and she allowed me to see her several times. She should know what an addict such as myself is looking for. Second, should she not have kicked me out as soon as I got the erection? Or left the room herself? Did she not just basically allow me to act out with her? Let me ask some random questions if I may. Is it possible my sex therapist is also an exhibitionist or sex addict and that is why she is in this field? Is it possible she has been taking advantage of my condition? If I go back will it escalate? Will she come forward and actually try to engage me physically? I am confused as she has been very neutral and has never led me to believe for one second she had an issue herself or was becoming interested in me. I look forward to the feedback. I apologize if this is too graphic as I am new but I think some of the details were needed to convery exactly how things have transpired. Thank you all. -K

Well - no idea what others might say. Here is what I think though:

1) If you are feeling the therapy provided is causing more harm than healing - it is time to move forward.

2) There is no way to judge the motive of your T. The only thing you can go by is if her actions as a therapist (including her work attire) is setting you back in your healing - then again there is a problem.

3) You are responsible for the next step. If you are being honest, then continue with that. If you go back, I suggest printing off what you said here and let her read it. That way she will see through your eyes.

Thanks W. I actually did print it off as I have typed an email to send her and have been sitting on it. I have an appointment tomorrow. We shall see how it goes.

I don't have anything more to add to what Wpowers has said, but would like to wish you good luck tomorrow.

Sex therapy sounds very complicated and confusing. Hopefully things will become clearer after your session tomorrow.

Let us know how it goes...

Is your therapist a 'sex therapist' or just a therapist. If your goal is to curb your sexual problems, then I think she is acting in a provocative way. You may have to switch therapists. A woman knows when someone can see up/down their shirt/skirt.

Good luck tomorrow. A true test of her skills and your openness.

Thanks everyone. And yes, she is a certified sex therapist. That is why I chose her. I have an addictive personallity and I am now thinking she takes advantage of that. As I said I have seen her on and off. It just occurred to me that she emails me to ask me how I am doing, say happy birthday or something when I have not been there for a while, then next thing you know and I end up going back. This all just has wrong written all over it. I really think I posted all this just to give myself a kick in the ***. She has been good for me with dealing with anxiety and addressing my addiction but somewhere along the line in recent times something changed and I am not sure when or why. Is it possible transferance happens the other way? The therapist falls for the patient? Not that I want that, just waxing philisophical. Thank you again everyone

This is true...I've always been very aware of it.




Yes. Counter-transference. Your instincts might be right about her. Good luck tomorrow.

hi.. its good u let her know how u felt about this...in my opinion ( i can always be wrong and i wasnt there so dont know for sure) ur issue is exhibitionism and i think she just doing what she should do as therapist she not allowed to get shocked when she shown ur erection and as a women i think she might be scared but it cant be shown.. and when u seen her nipple maybe she just to embarrased to admitted that ...iam just trying to be positive and seen this in different side ...and like others said in ur other forum probably u need new therapist the one u feel comfortable and i think it would be good if he would be a man
hope everything will be fine soon

I think I would try to find a male sex therapist. Good luck to you, whatever you decide.

I'm with Perna on this one.

The thing is that any woman who is a sex therapist & who is working with a male patient should not be dressing in any manner that anything can be seen. Women have turtle neck sweaters & high collar shirts & the ability to wear pants & not skirts/dresses.

It's important to dress appropriately for the situation & it's obvious that she isn't doint that in the first place.

Not sure how to take the other things......but I think many times we need to listen to our gut feelings. I believe that you do need therapy as what you are dealing with is an issue that you don't need to be arrested for......but you need a therapist that will really work on your issues.

Running by her what you posted here might bring up an interesting conversation that might shed more light on your gut feeling.