Revelation about "bisexual" desires

While on chat today, I dissected my thoughts and realized that I crave intimacy, but am terrified of sex. My desires for intimacy come off as physical desire towards one specific female, and I believe this is because I percieve her to be "safe". I mistrust all guys immensely; while I can be friends with them, it is very difficult for me to be intimate with them. The only reason I can think of that I even have these feelings for this girl is because she's also been a victim/survivor of CSA at the hands of a close family member, thus leading me to believe that she is indeed "safe". Most girls (that I know) however, are no more safe than men are.

Sorry if this doesn't make much sense, I just had to jot this down. I might add more later. Let me know what you think

I think it's pretty awesome that you are able to look at your sexual feelings and come to a revelation about them at all! It does sound to me like you may be on the verge of re-evaluating the way you label/define your sexuality, and the most important thing I can tell you about that is this: THAT'S OKAY!! As long as such a re-defining comes from within yourself and is all ABOUT yourself, and not about others (i.e. you're not trying to change for other people, or to "make life easier") the process you are going through can be very healthy and good for self-understanding. Your thoughts on the matter make perfect sense to me--I actually went through kind of the opposite thought process, where I believed that I might be attracted to women as well as men because women were "safer." After taking a good long look at my feelings, though, I realized that, yep, I'm just attracted to both genders. ^.^

Good luck and take care!

I find that as a woman, it's probably easier to get really close to another woman, as they tend to be more emotional. They understand the value of a good hug, or a caring sms, or a thoughtful sms.
I think I am generally an insecure person and maybe don't have enough self-love. I therefore crave it from somewhere else. And it just isn't in a man's character (I'm generalising) to become emotional. One feels safe in the arms of another woman.
It was this I too was looking for

You know Atreyu - this is completely common for just about everyone. I dont know a single person who hasnt had confusing feelings about a gender, a friend, or what have you at SOME point in their lives.

I know I have had some failed relationship that should have stayed friendships. What happened was because of my abuse, I confused the intense love I had for the FRIEND and FRIENDSHIP - to be romantic love. It can be pretty hard to decipher between the two when you feel so intensely. What ended up happening in the cases i speak of (thankfully few!) is the relationship didnt work - we simply were not well matched romantically.

Now, with that being said - Ive missed out on some relatonships that could probably have been good, simply because i confused those same feelings. There is one guy in particular who is to this day my best friend - if i wasnt with my current partner - I know i would endeavor to be with him and i know he would want to be with me. Heck, sometimes when i fight with my partner i think sneaky "back up plan" thoughts to comfort myself. (i hope thats not cheating via thoughts, lol. I would never cheat, nor leave my current partner for something like that- but i have mega abandonment issues and a back up plan idea can sometimes shut down those fears of being alone).

On any hand, im bisexual myself. I actually fooled around with girls long before boys. I think it was because I felt safer with them. I was abused by both women and men in my childhood - however the abuse involving the woman was short-lived, whereas the abuse by my father lasted over 12 years. I think for that reason I am like you say, more likely to trust a woman over a man.

its really important when we recognize these types of thoughts that you always aknowlede the basis - say to yourself - okay, i feel this way, but its not necessarily true, depending on the person, a woman or a man could be equally untrustworthy or trustworthy. I feel this way because of my past - and investigate just as you are doing.

You should also give yourself plenty of space, time and such to work this out. it doesnt happen overnight. For me, its still there to some degree howver i know how to balance it and that took a long time.

Much love.

Awwe I say go for it hun <33333333
I find my self always thinking that a female would make a great sweet heart for me if my relationship were to fail, they are emotional and can appreciate all the intimate physical contact besides sex alone... I understand a man can do this too, but it's so hard to find one who is like that..., my bf is very intimately physical with me in likes of cuddling and hugging, but sometimes he wants to just cut to the chase I guess and that kinda hurts my feelings at times...

How are you doing AtreyuFreak?
It is a difficult concept to come to terms with, and I've often thought that therapy could possibly help me become more self-confident and not need this love from another person so much. I'm sure there's some underlying emotional issue. I once followed my heart and landed up in a situation like you, all because I felt my boyfriend wasn't giving me enough love. But another person cannot fill that void.

arg, but who am I to lecture when I totally do understand where you're coming from

Mostly just numb after the last couple weeks...trying to survive my father's *******ness, my mother's hypocrisy...Trying to keep in touch with this boy, I know he had a bit of a crush on me for a while but guys move on rather quickly and I may be too late, plus I told him im DID and now he probably thinks I'm a freak and wants nothing to do with me...