Why did he lose his erection in the middle of having sex?

I noticed it once before but wasn't sure of it until it happened again last night. My bf and I were in the middle of have sex and I was enjoying it until suddenly I noticed that he lost his erection. I didn't know what to do and went along with what he wanted to do. He kept trying and I can sense his frustration. Finally I had to stop and made up an excuse so we could stop. I'm curious but what would cause something like that to happen and how should I talk to him or if I should even talk to him about this?

Tired, pressure of work, thought of something that took his mind off it for a bit ? Could be lots of reasons, these are just some of the reasons hubby gave for you.

PLEASE...don't make it an issue. Don't mention it or try to analyze it! It would frustrate him to no end. It isn't a big deal at all. It happens.

I wish you both the best.

If this is a rare occurence - just act like it's no big deal. Any negative cues or trying to analyze it, will create anxiety for him next time. Make sure there's adequate lubrication.

If this were to become a regular thing - there could be many reasons why this might happen, but the approach for dealing with it, needs to be gentle.

Loss of an erection during sex can be as simple as -- thinking about that failing grade in Geometry -- and if it is an occassional event nothing to be concerned about. For women it would be loss of lubrication during sex -- again often brought on simply by distraction --. Take a break, change positions, go out and a grab a burger -- Nothing to be concerned about.

As mentioned before, if it happens on a regular basis it may be caused by medication side effects (over the counter, prescription, and street drugs), or another medical condition and your friend should see a doctor

Yup, one time, no biggie. Let it go. Hubs and I joke about it when it happens every so often - usually due to the medication he is on.

He will pretend to be all angry, spit out some curses and lament about how hes getting old (33, hes NOT old lol) and give it the finger and then we both laugh it off.

Dear Jen1fer82:

As long as there are human beings this question will arise. Few men go through an entire life without at least one episode of Erectile Disfunction (ED). And that includes not being able to get it up at all, or losing it before anyone has had an orgasm. This is WILDLY embarassing to the man. SHAMEFUL. Do NOT make a joke of it, try not to pay any attention to it at all. If he knows what he's doing, he will still be able to bring YOU to orgasm without his organ being erect. But this kind of failure on his part is a real long term worry for him, a very serious worry. If it happens more than once or twice, gently encourage him to go to his urologist, or a urologist if he hasn't seen one before. They are the specialists who deal with this issue. And there are many ways to deal with it. The both of you can still have a perfectly satisfactory sex life with the help the urologist can give you.

Take care.

Hate to admit it but it has happend to me. Sometimes when things just get a tiny bit soft a person (like me) might start to worry it is going to get worse, and that is a sure recepie for it to get worse and worse.

On the plus side if you are understanding and don't put any undo pressure on him, it is less likely to happen, and personally, after I let go of my stress and relax with my wife still next to me, often things will start to work again, some of our best nights have not started off well, but ended GREAT.

I know what you are thinking....you think that maybe you did something wrong or he isnt attracted to you or doesnt find you sexy etc. but don't fear. Im sure this has NOTHING to do with you and what everyone else said is right..... it's probably stress, nervousness, thinking about something negative or any other list of possibilities not having to do with his feelings for you. I've been in your shoes before. Dont let this bring you down. Keep doing what you are doing and try not to let this inhibit your sexuality or desire.

ok idk i lost my erection tonight while in the middle of sex. i am so dissapointed in myself to say the least. it has never happened before and it is the worst experience of my life. though im jealous or your situation you were nice enough to let it go and ask why. i wasnt so lucky. i do not know why it happened to me im only 24. but from a mans perspective i have never felt more embarrased shamed and all together weak as i did tonight. the woman im with is beautiful and amazing, yet i could not satisfy her. i had to use a toy. how degrading is that for a man. after i left her place i felt like dying. so my advice is be gental and forget about it. god knows i never want to relive tonight....

Had he has a drink or 2 before sex, could be a little of the dreaded brewers droop

You cannot answer this question based on one datapoint and there is no point in hypothesizing. Do not worry about it, unless you see a consistent pattern.

speaking as someone who recently had this happen to him for the first time (and every time since then)

this can be a topic of extreme embarrassment and frustration. especially like in my case.

I had been in an abusive relationship with a woman for 7+ years. in the first two months we might have had sex maybe six times, and none thereafter for the rest of the 7 years (when the abuse started). up until this point I had been proud of my ability to have an erection on demand (I am 52 now, and the discovery was in may of this year) and able to maintain it for as long as I wanted. well after 7 years of no sex (except for masturbation) I finally got laid in May. imagine my chagrin when my equipment failed me in the middle of intercourse that I was highly desirous of. to put it simply, it made me feel like I was no longer a man. it was very embarrassing, and frustrating. fortunately she was understanding, and let me finish her off orally.

equipment failure in the middle of inter course is a very sensitive subject to bring up with a man. however depending on his views of sex, and his open-mindedness a very gentle approach to an extremely open and understanding communication to discuss this I believe would be the best tactic.

I know if I had an understanding concerned lover (no I haven't had any sex since the event which lasted for 5 or 6 tries) as hard as it will be for both of us to discuss this it would go a long way towards removing any negative feelings I might have because of it.

again, this is my own experience, others may vary.

Oh yes, it is difficult for men. I'm 44 and I've been having problems maintaining erections for the past 5 years. It's not due to the regular reasons such as meds or diabetes. I have hurt my back and at the same time as I have been losing sensation in my feet and legs, I have also lost the sensations of touch, heat/cold, humidity in my penis, perineum and parts of my scrotum. How disasterous?!!!

Now I can still get an erection. Really, I get them all the time. Any hint of sex, or my naked wife and up it goes. I'm normally able to initiate intercourse, have some limited penetration. However, if I'm on top it is very hard to maintain the erection because I have no sexual stimulation...there's no feeling to keep me focused. My mind wanders to the position of my hands, the sweat on my forehead, a cold draft on my behind...well you get the picture. Without a feeling in my penis to keep me in the moment, I lose the erection. Even with my wife on top, I feel nothing and there is normally "less movement" so I lose my erection as well.

I've gotten to the point of coping in some areas with the problems. I take 100mg of Viagra. I also bought a strap-on to use on my wife so that she can be satisfied even if I can complete the act. I've also had to change my outlook, as in ejaculation is not the goal, as I can't always ejaculate. When I take the Viagra, my penis literally feels like a "live" dildo stuck on me. It's hard...erect...and I can't feel it. But I use it like a strap-on. The last few intimate encounters have been the most successful, since I spent most of the time just using it like a flesh sex toy. My wife was satisfied and I wasn't disappointed that I couldn't ejaculate. In the end I finished manually twice and once I even finished through penetration.

It was the change of mind. I know it is devastating for men, it hurts, it's embarrassing. If this is a persistent problem, there is no reason to stop having intercourse...both partners need it. However, as a man that has the problem and has had to deal with it...at one point you have to accept and deal with it. My problem isn't going away, so I've had to figure out how to use what I have as positively as I can.

I hope this helps.

Some good advice in this thread so far.

I've had this happen myself - probably about 1/3 to 1/2 the time - and in my case most of the problem is a certain position. We do it because it works for my wife - she generally manages to orgasm repeatedly as long as I can hold out. Unfortunately it generally takes about 2-3 minutes of this position to completely flatline me, so it is a bit of a chess match.

Of course, if it is a regular occurrence it would be worth discussing with a doctor he trusts. Just be understanding and make sure he knows there is no pressure.

Can I ask, is the position you are referring to when she is on top of you, with you still penetrating her, but she is essentially stimulating her clitoris on a point just above your penis?

when you lose sensitivity in your member position isn't really a point of cause, meaning that no matter what position you use if sensitivity is lost, then the erection can also be lost.

being erotic is a function of the mind, and can sometimes help with the maintaining of an erection. if one position is more erotic to your partner than another one (for instance cowgirl vs missionary) it may help to keep him in the game so to speak.

this is why I mentioned open honest communication. if you can know his deepest desires (almost everything outside of medication side effects can affect desire) then you are on the path to helping not only him, but yourself too.

I have the same problem...Does it mean that my boyfriend doesn't want me?

I highly doubt that. I'm sure it's becoming a big case of performance anxiety that's causing it and could make it even worse.

Jess,

I would have hoped that my earlier reply would have consoled you somewhat...because there are many reasons why your boyfriend could lose an erection during sex. Believe me, many people would respond that if he can't keep hard with you then it's because he's gay or something, and that is the normally the farthest from the truth and allegations made like that could ruin a man.

There are lots of reasons, the foremost being that most guys can really one do "1" thing at a time. So if he gets distracted, even by your beautiful voice asking him a question, it may be enough to knock him out of the moment. It's possible that it is position related, as in he could have gotten a cramp or have some localized pain which takes his focus away. I personally remember (before I lost the feeling in my penis) that when my wife was in a particular position on top where her pelvis was being grinded into mine (clitoral stimulation for her), that it put a LOT of pressure on a point on my body that likely has many veins, nerves and such. Almost every time she did that position, I'd lose my erection. Believe me, it wasn't due to a lack of arousal.

The best thing you can do is to talk to him and support him. Ask him if he knows why he lost his erection. Ask him to go see a doctor. But you definitely have to be supportive. As part of helping, you might even take the opportunity to use the situation to both your advantage. Perhaps you can propose a session for sexual experimentation, where you both try various different positions and such and find out in any in particular cause a loss of erection. The fun part would be that he has to get "re-aroused" and get hard again to try out another position. Eventually you can find if it is position related, which could help a doctor diagnose a specific problem, or as a minimum you both know what positions to not get into because of the negative results.

I hope this helps.

Thank you very much for support! We're in progress now. I've talked with boyfriend and we've found the reason of this problem. Now we want to use sex toys or role games. We both think that variety of our sex life can improve everything. I want to buy it here. We've never used this kind of stuff. What do you think?

go for it, experimentation is the spice of life!

Found this thread and wanted to share my story. Hope this helps. I'd been suffering from ED for 4-5 years and as a not young guy thought 'well that was it'. Finally got the courage to try magic blue pill, the 25mg was partially effective but when I took a 50mg, 'WOW' the erection I got was as hard as any I could remember, I also felt longer with a larger girth too although this may have been wishful thinking! My stamina increased dramatically which enamabled me to bring my wife to climax each time I had sex with her. The first 3 nights I had vigorous sex to the full satifaction of myself and my wife. I have settled down to a regular 3-4 times a week man again now.