What is this?

Hey.

I seem to have a "problem" of some sort. Let me explain. I see sex as something ugly, unpleasant, dirty, disgusting, revolting, awkward, uncomfortable, degrading, embarrassing, humiliating, unhygienic, stupid, animalistic, dangerous, etcetera.

I think pornography is **** because the people there are either degrading themselves or degrading others, among other reasons.

I ****ing hate that this entire world is ****ing obsessed with sex and pornography and cocks and tits and assholes and **** like that. "Get over it!", I'd say. There are other things to be interested/passionate about.

I just don't see what's the big deal. Of course I have never had sex, but I don't want to.

Of course I am attracted to some people and all, but I wouldn't want to have sex with them. Ever.

So, what's your take on this? Why do I feel like this? What does it mean? Could anyone help, please?

Thanks.

can I ask how old you are? You may just grow out of this. Is there anything in your past...you use some pretty strong words there, "degrading", "humiliating", "dangerous"? I was put off by sex for a long time, well into my mid-20s. It wasn't anything religious that was making me feel dirty, I just felt embarrassed even thinking about it even though all of us are sexual beings...and that's OK. Anyway, yeah, I used to think sex was absolutely disgusting. Not to be graphic, but I would have always fantasies since I was a teenager about being in various states of undress and making out, but the actual intercourse part...no way!!!

btw, I am a virgin and on the "older" side [older meaning the majority of people my age are not virgins], but it's because of a lot of other issues. I do have a healthy sex drive, though.

Dear Ontar,

You may be afflicted with Sexual Aversion Disorder. Following are definitions:

http://www.minddisorders.com/Py-Z/Se...-disorder.html

http://homepage.psy.utexas.edu/homep...d_aversion.htm

I wish you the best,

Larry

Hey.

I'm 22. About the Sexual Aversion Disorder, well, I just don't know. Could it be the reason? I mean, IF I have that, I have absolutely no desire or intention to overcome it. With that said, could it still be Sexual Aversion Disorder?

Thanks.

You may not have the intention to overcome the aversion to sex, but I would look into WHY you are feeling this way. Typically this is from some kind of traumatic experience like molestation or abuse. This is where I would be concerned.

Can I ask your religion? This may sound weird but, coming from an Irish Catholic family, I was brought up to believe that sex was to be in the dark, your body is something to be ashamed of and it seems like a lot of Catholics I know were brought up in this type of environment. I am still not comfortable with things even like my bf telling me I'm sexy. That really weirds me out. I don't like talking about it and it makes me feel very awkward to even talk to my bf of 2 years about our own sex life.

But in my family sex was never the topic of conversation. I never had 'the talk' and everything I learned about sex was at school. So even if you never had a kind of traumatic experience, being brought up in a household where sex was considered disgusting could cause you to feel this way.

I guess if you are okay with it then there is nothing to be concerned with. My only thing is that, if you ever want a healthy relationship, this has to be dealt with. I can't imagine anyone that would be okay in a totally sexless relationship forever. So if you are okay with feeling this way then I would prepare for a lifetime of difficult relationships as a reality.

As with pornography, I don't get what's so great about it either. Even when I was single I never watched it. It seems degrading to me and kind of gross. But holding others to those standards is not fair. If I refused to date a guy if he liked porn I'd be single forever. You don't necessarily have to like it, but it's not really fair to not accept others because they DO like it.

With all that said, it does sound like you have some self-discovery to do. Being disgusted with something that is a natural part of being human sounds like there are deeper issues at hand.

I like your post a lot. I have the same history (Irish Catholic) but weirdly, both of my parents told us everything, LOL! Their talks were about body parts and the actual "act" of intercourse. My mom still said not to have sex outside of marriage and don't live together beforehand either. I went to Catholic school where this was reinforced. So I still felt ashamed of feeling "horny" even though my parents were more open to us than most kids' parents about everything. Weird, huh?

The problem I had with it was, this is all well and good, but what about those of us who don't find someone in high school and college, get married soon after, and do it the "right" way? How do you deal with all these feelings when you're single for years and years? My mom didn't get married until she was 36, and in the '70s that was considered old. She had two long-term relationships before she met my dad. I can't ask her if she ever "did it" or how she handled feeling sexual without a partner, she's my mom, you know?

Totally understand. I know that my dad lost his virginity at 13 (by eavesdropping of course) and my mom was not the only woman he had ever been with. But I honestly think that my mom has only ever had sex with my dad and step-dad. Which seems weird to me because I was at that number by 16 (I would put lol but I realize it's really not that funny).

My situation was kind of opposite. Our sex ed was all about body parts and the literal action of sex and giving birth and STDs etc.... but I have never once heard my parents talk about it.

Funny story....when I was 14 my dad told me that if I ever thought I was going to have sex to tell him so he would buy me birth control (my sister had my niece at 18 and he wanted to avoid that again). So at 15 I told him I wanted birth control and then he refused! I couldn't go talk to my mom about it so instead, I went by myself. Everything was covered on insurance so I knew my mom wouldn't get a bill. So I went to OBGYN by myself at 15 and got birth control. What I didn't realize is that insurance would send her a statement saying they paid for it......Oh man.....she came running into my room screaming (all 4 names thats how you know you're in trouble) "are you having SEX???!!!"

I thought I was clever. Turns out nope. I'm not. So my mom knew. But even then we never talked about it! She doesn't even know that I get regularly tested for STDs and HIV just to be safe. So she doesn't ask and I don't tell.

13? Wow. Also, neither of my parents ever said anything about what they would do if either me or my sister were having sex as teenagers. I guess it was just expected we would never "go there", haha...like an unspoken understanding. I think that while she's very Catholic, my mom is OK with birth control and condoms (what I've gathered from hearing her talk here and there) because it prevents abortions, which is a much more grave thing to her. She never really said too much about rhythm to us, and from what I understand it really doesn't work well unless you adhere to it perfectly...and how many couples can really control themselves anyway if they both want it, especially if they are newlyweds? LOL

Haha, yep that insurance statement comes listing every single service..."Statement of Benefits".

Anyway, ontar—sorry to hijack your thread, but you really should consider seeing a counselor or therapist. If you ever want to be in a truly loving relationship, at some point your partner will want to have sex with you, even if you don't want to. I am working these things out right now in my own therapy. And please know I personally don't think you sound strange, because I was in your spot a few years ago.

Dear Ontar,

In my amateur opinion, your lack of desire for sex, would not rule out sexual aversion disorder. Consider for a moment, does the lack of desire to consume food rule out anorexia nervosa, probably not. Enjoying food, as well as enjoying sex, are fulfilling aspects of being human. If your experience is contrary, my thoughts are an analysis is in order.

Please take care of yourself,

Larry