Asexuality

I've been looking up asexuality and I think that I may be one of the few who identify. Is anyone else on here asexual or know anything about it? Really, it's not a big deal to me but I don't know if I actually am or if I'm just imagining it. For example, I don't think that I have ever been sexually attracted to anyone. Sure I've had little crushes but that wasn't what I assume sexual attraction is like. Can anyone shed some light on this for me? Thanks very much.

I'm not sure how much you know about asexuality, so please do forgive me if I happen to repeat something you already know.

First off, sexual attraction does not equal romantic attraction or sexual desire. An asexual can feel a perfectly healthy romantic individual without feeling any sexual attraction towards another person. Therefore, yes, it is possible you could be asexual even if you have had crushes.

People often tend to confuse the boundaries of being in a romantic relationship and a sexual relationship as they often come together as one package. Asexuality can separate the two to a point where you can still retain a preference/non-preference towards a certain gender. For example, I'm asexual and bi-romantic, meaning I feel romantic feelings towards both genders but do not feel sexual attraction. Another person I know feels neither romantic or sexual attraction to anyone at all, and she identifies as an aromantic asexual (aromantic being attracted to no one).

If I confused you in any way above, I do apologise. Asexuality can be a rather complex subject, but there is a rather marvellous website called AVEN (Asexuality Visibility and Education Network) which will be able to cater to any complex questions you have. Google it. They have a wonderful Wiki and Forums which are pretty welcome to anyone of any sexuality/gender/life-style. Even if you decide that you're not asexual, it still makes interesting reading material. There's also what the AVEN community likes to call a 'Grey-A' version of asexuality, for people who aren't quite sure or don't feel as if they fit in anything else, or have doubts as you do.

If you do have any questions which can't be answered there, or just don't feel like checking it out, do feel free to ask me anything else. I'm pretty clued up on the subject as I went through my own questioning time as well.

And remember, only you can decide if you are or not. Even I have doubts sometimes; maybe everyone else does too. Nobody can tell you who you are, and don't change yourself to fit the definition. The defintion should fit you.

Thanks! That does help clear up some of the questions I had. (:

Hello,

I am an asexual. I do not experience sexual attraction, nor do I desire any type of sexual contact. I actually label myself as a bi-asexual, because I can see myself having a non-sexual romantic relationship with either sex. Although I do not desire that at the moment, I may desire it in the future. Who knows? But for now, I am content to being alone for quite some time.

please excuse me for being ignorant, but i have to ask. does this lifestyle completely negate sexual encounters? and if it does, why choose this as a lifestyle?

i've been horrible curious about the asexual reality since i heard of it a while back, with all respect, of course.

Thanks for this thread. I think I may be asexual too, but not sure what the difference is between asexual and sexual aversion as a mental condition, and also my boyfriend says I used to want sex. I neve rhave spontaneous sexual fantasies and to my knowledge the few tiems I did want intimacy, it's been kind of an indifferent attitude, like "Let's try this". I am not sure hwat having a crush on someonemeans, so I don't even know whether I'm romantically attracted to anyone, but I do have a boyfriend and find him very special. So could this be asexual, or is this just repression or what? Sorry if I hijack the OP's thread.

If you're asking about the asexual lifestyle as a whole, I can't really answer that! I believe there are those asexuals (like myself) who currently aren't interested in anything sexual, or anything romantic. These people are called aromantic asexuals.

Then there are those who do not want sexual relationships, but want romantic relationships only. These people are called romantic asexuals.

I don't choose this as a lifestyle. Like straight, bisexual, or homosexual individuals, I was merely born this way. I have never been interested in sex, and doubt I ever will be.

I agree it's not a lifestyle. People don't choose to hav eno sexual attraction/desire/etc. As I said in my previous post in this thread I'm not sure I'm asexual, but I definitely didn't chosoe not wanting sexual anything. It can be quite problematic if yoru partner (like mine) is sexual.

how old are you? you've never been interested in sex, not even curious? do you know of any childhood trauma that may have impacted this? (i'm having an embarrassingly difficult wrapping my brain around the concept of not being interested in sex, i appreciate people are different and love you if you are--i've been a sex fiend since i was a little girl, so i cannot relate AT ALL and it's fascinating.)

i hope yall don't mind my curiosity, i've been fascinated with the concept of no-sex-interest since i discovered it.

I don't mind your questions at all.

I'm 19 years old. No, I have never had an interest in sex. However, I do masturbate. (Quite a few asexuals do this!) Just because I'm not interested in sex doesn't mean I don't appreciate how good an orgasm can feel. I actually started masturbating at a very young age - around 4 years old. (Not as uncommon as you'd think!)

To answer your other question, no, I have never been through any trauma - sexual, physical, or emotional. I am fortunate to not have had to endure such things.

Hey guys,

I am the same. I am 26 and up until the other day I had never had the pleasure of having someone touch me, want to touch me, touch him and also have sort of intercourse. My 1st boyfriend was at 24 and we never had sex or anything. We fooled about ye but I was never wanting sex. My 2nd boyfriend when I was 25 was the exact same. He tried his best to change my mind but to me sex feels and seems dirty to me. I have put it all down to my OCD, the whole bodily contact etc on me. My 3rd boyfriend if you can call him that I never let him touch me sexually.

Then the other night I had a man lie on top of me and we fooled about.... he knew I was a virgin and said he wouldn't force me into anything. We never had sex at all he just pleasured me which I have to admit was nice. Sorry if this is a bit OTT!!

Every since then I have been feeling guilty and a bit freaked out. I have never wanted sex or a boyfriend for that matter. I know some ok most of that comes down to my alck of confidence. Even now I don't want to have sex. In my head/ my imagination yes sex is always there but in real life I am scared and don't want it

I find it very interesting how we fight to not have the label of having a mental illness & yet we want to label every aspect of our relationships with others.

Hey Eskielover,

I would rather not have it but it explains a lot. My ex Counsellor suggested it to me as my relationships are all over the place as explained above. Also the fact I have never been abused so it could not be put down to that. It's like MH I do not broad cast it. I just always say I haven't found the right one yet. Keeps people off my back. Mind you a lot of my friends use to think I was gay lol!! Don't know if I should be insulted or not lol!!

That just reinforces my comment about having to have every aspect of our sexuality labeled....others try to label us even when the label doesn't fit. If you didn't feel that others were trying to label you, you wouldn't have felt the need for label to define yourself & you could just be what you are & let it naturally be whatever it is WITHOUT having to LABEL YOURSELF.

I have also seen young girls feel pressured into having a boyfriend just to avoid being labeled gay which ends up pressuring sexuality on kids when there should be absolutely NO PRESSURE on anything especially at that young age when SEX shouldn't even have anything to do with relationships. There is all too much pressure put on sexuality & having to label it rather than just being able to be & feel how you feel.

Yeah, I also don't worry too much about labels unless something really sticks with me. Especially when it comes to things like asexuality in young people. A lot of girls, for instance, don't even become interested in sex until their early to mid-20's. I think it might be difficult to take on something like that as part of your identity, only to finish sexually maturing and find it's not really the case. Although it probably wouldn't be a big deal if you were fairly fluid and open to new things. It's best to not feel you have to adhere to certain standards... Also seems like a lot more fun.

i dont know what i am, i am sexually attracted to men and women, all the time
but i am married, and i would never wank a full relationship with a man

The lack of ''sex based attraction is a part of this,but also,In my explaing how I have always felt/been to a professional, when asked about this, feeling both ''Masculine'' and ''Feminine'' at the same time,like being directly in the middle as though I'm both is another part of it. If you also feel as though you are both feminine and masculine,then I would believe you are asexual. I have been identified as such,and it quite fits my nature.