Lesbian

I'm 21. I am a lesbian. How many other gay people are there out there?

Welcome.

bisexual here, and transgender. Btw, there's a whole LGBT forum here. You're not alone.

I am a bisexual female. There is an LGBT group you can join and it is a great supportive group to talk with

Very cool I'm very comfortable with myself and don't have any issues regarding it. Was just curious Good to know though! Making new friends is always a good thing.

some of us are also asexual, and ambigenderous... it's rarely announced in chats, tho, as some are touchy about it.... hope you find people you can relate to, however they see themselves,, best wishes,, Gus

wilkommen.

Welcome, dpadilla I'm a lesbian too.

Yes, my daughter dropped the news on me out of the blue in 2002 that she was a lesbian, and felt she had been from high school. I think there's much more to the choice in sexual expression than yielding, like the difference in male/female anatomy.
I did alot of research on the subject, and all the experts agree it has much to do with
not being "born that way", but of the mother/daughter bond and identity. The fallout has been her refusal to see me because my beliefs don't allow it; this has all caused pain, loss of her love and time with her and a shattering of the bond between us. Is that a good thing; I don't think so. I've been attracted to women for who they were, but never could imagine sexuality with one. Studies further prove out long term guilt and chronic illnesses, shortened life in male and female homosexual sexual acts. The sadness and loss of seeing her has brought more pain into my life than anything. My love is unconditional for her; but she is the one who has laid down the terms....all my lifestyle or nothing, Mom. Is that love?

I am a lesbian, But I rarely talk about it, not because im ashamed complete opposite actually, maybe ill join the LGBT section one day *shrugs*

We're here, there, & everywhere........ Welcome to PC!!

I'm not sure what research you have done on the topic or what "experts" you are referring to, but you are misinformed. Sexual orientation is NOT a choice and it is NOT the result of the "mother/daughter bond and identity." It is also NOT TRUE that being gay or lesbian makes one subject to chronic illnesses or shorter life spans. It is true that there is an a higher rate of suicide among young gay and lesbian people because of the constant harassment, lack of family acceptance, and social stigma they receive-- but that is the result of cultural prejudice; it has nothing to do with simply BEING gay/lesbian. If you are genuinely interested in learning about sexual orientation, I recommend that you read this information from the American Psychological Association (APA). http://www.apa.org/helpcenter/sexual-orientation.aspx

It is also heartbreaking to hear that you have rejected your daughter because she reached out to you, seeking love and support, in choosing to confide in you about who she is. It is SO DIFFICULT for someone to come out to their family-- it takes a lot of courage. It is often the most difficult thing a gay/lesbian person ever does. I can guarantee you that her sexual orientation and her decision to come out to you were not "out of the blue"-- they are probably things she wrestled with for YEARS before she decided to have that conversation with you. Moreover, in your post, you then blame your daugther for ruining your relationship when you are the one who rejected her because of her sexual orientation. You say that you have been experiencing pain and hurt over this, but have you thought of the pain and hurt SHE is experiencing because of how you reacted? Can you imagine what it is like to be rejected by your own mother, simply for being who you are? There is nothing in the world that hurts more than being rejected by your mother-- by the one person who is supposed to love you, support you and protect you no matter what. I recognize that there are social stigmas around homosexuality which have been created because of misinformation and ignorance, and there are probably a lot of things about sexual orientation and lesbian identity that may be difficult for you to undestand. You probably have pre-conceived notions about homosexuality because of the media, religion, the way you were brought up, etc. But what is at stake here is your relationship with your daugther. What could be more important? I hope that you will choose to educate yourself by reading reliable information on homosexuality (stuff published by the APA, books in the "psychology" section of the library, books by people with PhDs in psychology) and, hopefully, with this information, you can come to better understand and accept who your daughter is. It would break my heart to hear that yet another lesbian daughter is being rejected by her family. There is already so much hurt in the world, it's horrible to think that one's own family would want to add to that.

Welcome! I am also lesbian.

tohelpafriend,

Hon, you blew my mind! Your research is archaic and wrong on many levels. Scorpiosis said it all for me. Wow.

Lesbian at birth

Scorpiosis,

I am not a lesbian, but was really offended at what you wrote. People do not come here to be told there is something "wrong" with them. They are here for support. It is unfortunate that you cannot support your daughter.

I come to this forum, as to all of the forums on PC to support people, not to tell them they are doing something wrong. I don't think there is anything wrong. This forum should be a place for support.

Is your response meant for me? I'm not the one who has a daughter...

Sorry, my post was intended for the previous poster with the daughter that she couldn't be around and all of that.

I'm really sorry, it totally wasn't meant at you.

Basically all I wanted to say is this is a place where people come for support and should be given support instead of being told they are wrong

I wish to be supported and NOT told I'm wrong either.

I agree with what Scorpiosis said in her post. Homosexuals, bisexual, asexual, heterosexuals etc(there are more)...they're all born this way..as Lady Gaga would say. Your daughter can't be heterosexual any more than you can be homosexual. If you really do love your daughter "unconditionally" then you'll accept who she is. I'll ask one simple question - do you love your daughter more than you dislike her orientation /who she loves. She can't change who she is, any more than you can. Don't believe the archaic old fashioned myths. Regarding who lives longer - that's really not what you're worried about. Any one of us could get hit by a car. The mother daughter bond isn't worth breaking. The original poster is looking for like minded people, not for criticism of who she is or gay people.

I've been with a guy for thee past year.. I love him, I love his mind, and how fun it is to be around him.. but I've been struggling to make myself attracted to him and just go through thee motions of everything.. I came out as lesbian when I was thirteen, I was basically shoved back into thee closet when I gun to my temple.. I was hated and ridiculed by my parents, my brothers ended up telling there friends, and eventually thee whole school knew. I was bullied and hated, and felt so alone.. my mom wouldn't hug me for months afterwards, and always gave me a look of discust.. It's sad that I got more bullied by my own family then anything. It got so bad I wanted to kill myself. I eventually told my family it was a phase and told everyone at school it was a rumor.. I've been faking straight ever since.. four years later, my family still says hatful things about thee LGBT community. I've been with my boyfriend for a year, and he knows me well enough to know I like girls, even though I've never said it. both him and my family say I'm not allowed to hang out with any LGBT. whenever I do, he thinks i've cheated and my parents assume just as much. I'm seventeen now, and I'm less afraid of thee worlds acceptance. I always planned on moving out as soon as I was 18, and exploring my sexuality by finding my first official girlfriend, and stop pretending like I'm straight. I'm sorry if this is werid to say, but I'm jealous of thee people who can say "lesbian and proud". because I'm scared..

we were all scared at one point your not any different for being jealous of people saying they are lesbian and proud, im glad you are moving out at 18, it doesnt sound like the best enviroment, but then again I only know what you have said, but I hope your ok, its not nice to live a lie

I too am a lesbian but it doesn't define me, I am so much more, a partner , a mom, a granddaughter, sister etc. Tohelpafriend, it sounds like your relationship with your daughter was ruined by one small aspect of who she is. I'm sad for you and her because you never get that time back. Studies don't mean anything as we are all different, I know late inlife lesbians ( formerly married to men ) and lesbians who have never had sex with men who had great moms and dads , great childhoods etc.believe what you will choice or not it is what it is and ones reality or feelings are valid to them. Take out the parades and flags and we all just want to live our life, raise families , be in a loving and mutually respected relationship and be well adjusted just as much as our heterosexual counterparts. Wishing that all people find joy and love in this world.

Ok...I'm going to try to explain this in an logical, intelligent way instead of just starting an argument here. I know previous replies have already mentioned a lot of the things I'm going to, but I just feel like I should say this too.

First off, I highly doubt it was "out of the blue." Coming out, especially to a parent, is one of the hardest things a person does and is almost always thought about for a very long time, especially when coming out to someone close to you. Just because it seemed out of the blue for you, I can almost guarantee you it wasn't for her, especially considering the fact that you said she had known since high school.

Another thing you mentioned caught my eye....you mentioned something about the "choice" in sexual expression. Are you implying that she chose to be lesbian, or am I just misreading things?

Now the part that quite honestly confuses me a bit. You did research and ALL the "experts" believe you can't just be born a certain way, in this case lesbian, but it must be linked to a parental bond? Um...what research exactly? Most RECENT research suggests that no single cause has been identified, but causes may include genes, prenatal hormones, and brain structure. In other words, people may in fact be "born that way." You said "Studies further prove out long term guilt and chronic illnesses, shortened life in male and female homosexual sexual acts." Guilt from what? What chronic illnesses? Most importantly, what research?

Last, but likely most importantly, what you stated as the fallout of this. You said she refuses to see you...have you considered that maybe it is just too painful for her? You say your beliefs don't allow it...but this is who she is. When someone condemns a person's sexuality, it feels like a personal attack on them and not just disapproval of an aspect of them. Put simply, when you say your beliefs don't allow it, it is like saying your beliefs do not allow her existence. Because this is just who she is. Maybe she refuses to see you because you refuse to see her for who she really is. You said this has caused you pain...imagine what she must feel. Lack of acceptance is one of the hardest things to deal with, especially from a family member. Believe me, it hurts.

So you love her unconditionally...show it. This is one of those things you just can't change. You don't have to necessarily like this aspect of her, but please try to just accept it. Believe me, it means alot more to her than you may realize.

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Now to the original poster:
Not gay here, but bi. Welcome to PC

My mother thought I was gay, and she never accepted that.

She loved me but I never saw that love because I felt the rejection more.

I believe you love your daughter and have tried to be a good mother. But if you don't accept your daughter on her terms, you will probably lose her.

I'm sorry for you both.

Well I really don't like the "L" word....... Prefer the "G or Q" word myself.

I must say I was blown away as I was reading the thread, a so called mother who can't accept her own flesh and blood because of her beliefs!

I don't know where you found this research, probably the same place you learned and accept your beliefs.

My mother has three children, two are gay and one is straight. She has loved us all unconditionally, she may have felt guilt in the beginning thinking she did something wrong. I'm sure she didn't want two gay children, no parent wants a child to struggle in life, they want them to be happy and productive.

I have been in an 11 year relationship with my wife, I have three step kids in there early and mid twenties. I also have to grandkids, the second born just a month ago. We live our lives like everyone else. It does not and should not define WHO I am.

Ok I have ranted wasn't overly rude and need a break...........

LoneWolfie