am I normal???????

Is it normal for a 29yo woman to have a doll she's strongly bonded to and treats like her own child (in a sense)? Is it normal to make said doll touch woman's body? Is it normal for doll to be made to "drink" from woman?
In counseling but still struggle with all this. Was SA'd as a child..................re-enacting what was done to body as a child...............normal or a freak?

Well, it takes a lot for me to label anyone a "freak." You don't meet the criteria.

You mentioned you're reenacting what was done to you to the doll, correct? It sounds to me that the doll is serving as an outlet for what you're feeling regarding the abuse, and that it provides comfort. I think there are more healthy coping mechanisms available to you, but on the whole, I don't think this is something that makes you a "freak."

Are you seeing a therapist for your abuse?

Hey sweetie, have you told your t about this? X

kinda..........he's got my journals and it's in there. He knows about doll (kelley) but haven't told him about what I make her do to me

I think it's really in your best interest to tell him. I know that's going to be a little scary, but if he knows, he can help you. And you've already taken a big step by telling all of us...why not one more person in him?

..................too scary...............

Have you thought about writing it out for him to read? I am also a survivor and have had my T read a few things that were too scary to talk about. You could also tell your T that you have something to share but you are not quite ready. Would drawing a picture feel too hard(I sometimes do this but it can be a challenge). I used to call myself a "freak" until my T told me to remember the limitless girl within me who was hurt. I think you can work through this but it will take time, patience, and courage. Thank you for having the courage to post. I am so sorry about what happened to you.

I have over 550 pages of journals I've written and given to my therapist to read. They are detailed as to what I've done and thought, etc. I don't know if I could do the drawing idea, but maybe. Thanks for your reply.

That's incredible, I have trouble just getting a line or two in a journal on paper or online.

Yeah, I'm a little obsessed with writing (among other things)..............I want to capture everything just in case it's important

I like to write alot to. It is amazing what is important. If you go back and read from years past and now. It is strange to see how some issues remain the same and how others were resolved. I write alot to keep record. I am in a boarderline abusive relationship (emotional not physical) and since I don't talk to many folks no one know what goes on inside this house. Sorry for adding my own personal story about writing. This is your space.

Definiately tell your T. You have told us here at PC. You just got acceptance not judgement from 5 people right here. He is trained, your T, to help. He will and can if you share w/ him to. Write what you need to say if you have to and give it to him. E-mail if you can't do it face to face. Send it via regular mail. What ever you have to do to get this info into the right hands. The hands that can help.

Big Mama
I appreciate hearing a bit of your story as well. I've written everything I can think of in my journals and it's just a matter of having him read them (all 550pages) so we can address meaningful parts.

I have whole notebooks. 120 page notebooks. Every 3 months or so I fill up a note book. I write about past abuse, present abuse, what my thinking is what my H does to my kids, (the same emotional abuse I receive), what I remember about the past 25 years ago. It's all I have as a record of things around here at home. I don't really have anyone to talk to so I write alot. I let my T read some times of I read to her. She likes to read it though. She gets to see left brain and right brain thinking. Apparently this opens her eyes to what is real and what is felt. She can also analize the writing styles threwout the page and get a feel for rage, sadness, fear and so on.

So keep on writing.