New here with some background - hello there

Since I was a little boy I have been so interested in anything sexual. I was never sexually abused. My mom used to walk from mom and dad bedroom to the bathroom naked. I was never sexually attracted to mom. I walked in on my aunt who was breastfeeding my baby niece when I was 12. I was in awe of that and I do have a lactation fetish. I never had a real girlfriend til I was 20 years old.

I used to read a lot of penthouse letter mags, look for movies that had nudity in them and so on. I was such a shy shy guy. I never went to school events. I was to nervous to talk to a girl.

Masturbation was my sexual outlet for years. I never could get the nerve to talk to a girl or even ask her out.

I never really had a real relationship with anyone. I kept everyone at arms length. I guess I was worried about getting her feelings and embarrassing myself.

Met my wife at the age of 22 and she was my first sexual experience. She was a nice person and I was in love. We got married. Two years after that I find some alternative newspaper with a personal section. Oh my it peaked my interest. My wife was a sweet girl with very limited experience and I was afraid to talk to her about my desires and wants from fear of losing her. I cheated. Found a couple who was into sharing his wife. Oh it was exciting and thrilling of meeting some new people who thought like me but during the sex I kept thinking to myself that this is not right- what am I doing? I got dressed and headed home crying all the way.

over the years I get the urge to cheat especially when under a lot of stress. I damaged the marriage so severely but we stay together.

You may ask why is she staying with you? One she has no job skills. How would she explain to her family - this is something she does not want to do at all. She has no support. I am with a good therapist now and we are working on some of the issues of the past.

I like erotica, reading about sex, talking to others about it men and woman. Sex is my stress outlet. I do not drink, or go out with the boys. I work full time, go home and take care of the kids, do the laundry, wash the dishes, clean the house, bath the kids, yard work and repair the house as needed. I consider myself non controlling. She can buy whatever she wants, go wherever she wants or do whatever she wants.

I love being a father and teaching my kids and enjoy watching them grow and being very protective of them.

When I do get free time I watch a little porn or read a story. I do not need to do everyday like an addict.

I just wanted to put this out there for others and wonder is there people like me. I get a thrill talking to someone new and pushing the envelope with the new person.

My marriage is day to day at times to me. I really don't think I could say honey when the kids go to sleep lets get naked and go online. I would like to come up behind her and take or tell her I need her now.

She tells me she is not a sex object, she is a person. I get the why do you always have to grab my ***? Why don't you look at me and say "your beautiful and I love you for being you. I could not do that with a straight face. Yes she is beautiful and I would do that if she wants to be lovely dovey.

I could go on and on but this is a first step.

Are you trying to convince us, or you? Some of the things you are saying are normal, but there are also somethings that trouble me.

Most men do think about sex. Some fantasize about other women, but bringing others inside the marriage is borrowing trouble. Your wife clearly does not want that, and whether her objection is moral, religious, or other reasons is not for me to say. It is, however something that you are going to have to work out or both or you will either be unhappy or no longer married.

The thing that is really bothering me is that it sounds as though she is a possession. Not a wife. The comment that she can go where she wants, buy what she wants and do what she wants sounds like it is followed internally by "why isn't she happy" or "I give her all this freedom why won't she engage in multiple partner sex". The fact that she is not in a positon to leave the marriage is something that you realize and seem to count on.

If both partners of two couples decide they want to mix it up, that is their business, but if one of the partners is uncomfortable with this, that person's feelings should be respected. Its great that you are a good father, family provider etc. , but what about being a good husband? Your wife married you because she loves you. There is a difference between making love and having sex. Intimate matters within a marriage are an expression of love, and between that couple. Wanting to go outside the marriage may be perceived by your wife as dissatisfaction with her. It may even be conceived as a betrayal.

Just for arguement's sake, lets say that there is something intimate about yourself that you only trust your wife with. How would you feel if she started telling other people about it? I know its not exactly the same, but the hurt and betrayal would be.

Relationships are often over before they end. You are already spending a lot of time fantasizing about being with someone else. As I said earlier, some of that is normal, but when its all the time, it can become a problem. You have told us a lot about what you feel, but how does your wife feel? (Other than just the couple swapping issue). If you are living your marriage day to day, there is already serious trouble. Not being able to look your wife in the eye and tell here that she is beautiful or that you love her sends a rather clear message and you can bet she gets it.

Look, I'm not a prude, but its sounds like the past really isn't the past. Make a decision. Do you really love your wife, or just think you do. This may sound harsh, but the ice under your feet is pretty thin.

Sam2

Hello pipevise,

When you referred to your first time cheating, you mentioned driving home in tears, knowing that you did something wrong... What stopped you from talking to your wife about your experience then? You said fear of losing her ~~ so what made you go back to cheating?

I am confused by your post. On one level, you seem to feel thrilled by your sexual adventures. Yet another level takes responsibility for f'ing up the relationship, but you go on to say that your wife can't leave you without a job (money) or support from others...kind of like reassurance to yourself?? What is the absolute bottom line? Is it that you aren't ashamed and you want to connect with others that have similar relationships?

By the way, how long have you two been married now? Emotional closeness is essential to healthy relationships. It sounds like you and your wife are worlds apart on several levels. What's your reward for staying with your wife? There is a positive in there somewhere, or you wouldn't continue the behavior and yet keep coming home to her. Have you begun looking into that aspect in T? I'd certainly recommend that you do.

Someday, your wife will (hopefully) find the inner strength that she needs to stand up for herself and her morals. Maybe you two will be able to repair your marriage through honesty and couple's counseling. Children are a lot smarter than people often give them credit for ~ they may not know exactly what's going on, but you can be sure that they pick up on the tension and space between you and your wife. That is sad and scary. Getting down into your true values is what will help you improve things. You need to be honest, rather than hiding behind the mask that you've been holding up.

Best wishes to your family...

I would not call it a fetish but just admiration.

Did not read through the end upon seeing wife-sharing etc. because I have no knowledge of that and would not be able to comment. But this part about the baby niece seems sweet to me.

Oh, have you ever tried explaining to her that your grabbing her *** and your telling her looking at her that she is beautiful conveys exactly the same message, but you would prefer to convey it in a way that feels genuine to YOU? I cannot guarantee that she will understand because some women do not get it, but at least you should give it a try.

Ok, read the whole post. So marriage is a contract endorsed by the goverment. Inagine that you entered into a contract with your wife promising to deliver widgets A, 1000, and widgets B, 1000. Later on you found out that delivering widgets A to her is very difficult. But you did not want to just breach the contract outright. So you decided to make a substitution and delivered widgets B, 2000 ct instead of 1000 ct. But you did not ask her whether she agrees to your substitution. Perhaps she still cares for widgets A. Perhaps she does not need extra widgets B, or perhaps she does not mind them but still want widgets a,as originally promised.

In your case, extra money and home repairs are undoubtedly valuable contributions on your part and you should be commended for making them, but do not assume that they provide an adequate substitution for whatever it is that she expects you to deliver, be it terms of endearment or words of love.