Trying to sort out feelings :/

downing three big drinks without food is completely unacceptable

You're punishing yourself with drugs that aggravate your depression--why? Because you're unhappy with the BF situation. You found die from from such overdosing and he dosing, and he does nothing. Why are you playing these games with each other? Who's getting anything good out of this?

Agreed.

I have to agree with the rest of the group here. 20 is very young to be making a big huge life decision like getting married, especially if there are such huge red flags being thrown up like not really being attracted to the man that you're engaged to, questioning your sexuality, being slightly irresponsible with alcohol and drug use, and having issues with depression. Are you really ready to make a lifelong commitment to a person with all of these things going against you? Is it fair to yourself to do that? Is it fair to the other person to do that? More importantly, is it fair to your future offspring to do that?

If you really think that you're meant for each other, what does it matter if you choose to wait and put off getting married for a little while so that you can work some of these things out? At the very least so that you can get yourself established with a therapist and get your depression taken care of. As someone who ruined an engagement because I chose not to deal with my mental health issues, I can tell you that it is very important to get this taken care of before you enter into marriage. Maybe depression has something to do with why you aren't sexually attracted to your man. I have issues with this when I'm depressed, and nothing--nothing--can make me have any level of desire when I'm depressed. I don't care who the man (or woman, because I'm bisexual) is, it ain't happening.

But still...the issue of attraction to women. I think it bears looking into. For sure.

The reason I threw up so much the other night is because I ate a lot of food at school and then left and got drunk. I ate the wrong kind of food. We have a year until the wedding date we planned so maybe I have time to do both. Idk maybe its not getting high that is the problem because I have been doing that for about 2 1/2 years. The getting drunk part is kinda iffy though because I don't get drunk as often as A LOT of people I know but I always think about it and always want to.

Okay, let's pretend that none of that is an issue (though it is, but if you want advice on that, maybe start a different post on it). There are much bigger fish to fry, which I addressed in my previous response, and so did other posters. You originally asked us to give advice about being attracted to women and not your fiancee. How much you drink and what you eat with it is probably the least of your concerns right now.

You have so many issues, depressedgirl, that you aren't even sure of their priority. This denotes both you extremely depressed state and your immaturity. Add your confussion over gender choice and you need to slow down, give yourself a break. You're not ready for the commitment of marriage--no reason you should be. Figure out who you are and what sort of life you want first. And who you want to share it with. No rush.
Be good to yourself.
roadie

This. This 100 percent. Absolutely.

+1 from me, Roadie and Misskeena.

Hey there dg-
Hmmmmm...this is exactly what I went through at age 19.
Had a very good looking bf, loved him loads, we got engaged, he disappeared to South America, came back changed, I changed, broke up..two years later, fell in love with a woman, in the midst of this, got into a relationship with another guy with an even worse character than my ex fiancé, went thru a whole heap of crap winding up 7 years later attracted to a completely different people..what I'm saying is, take your time, because no point dragging another human being into a lifelong commitment when your not sure that your sure..othrwise you have a one way ticket to disaster...be honest with yourself

The only reason I said anything else about getting sick from drinking was to reply to the comment about it. I know its not important why I got sick. It doesn't really matter anyway cause he read this post and got really hurt by it and felt rly bad and now I feel bad for hurting him.

Why do you feel bad for hurting him? Why does not he feel bad for accessing your private information instead?

Plus, you did not hurt him, but rather expressed very reasonable concerns and doubts.

Nothing to feel bad about.

What in it hurt him? Can you point out the exact culprits?

He was hurt and upset because he didn't realize how much he was really hurting me. He said he doesn't know why I love him and he hates himself. That's why I feel bad

In reality, you wrote, quoting OP: "I am engaged to a guy who treats me good most of the time."

He does treat me good when he's not in a bad mmood......

he read my other posts too that's what I'm talking about is how he reacted to all of them

So he did not accidentally stumbled upon OP but perused the whole long thread?

What does op mean?

original post - the first post.

I can see him stumbling on the first post, but not perusing the long thread.

He came across it on my phone and then read the rest of it cause its about him

I understand. It is tempting to do such things, I have done such a thing because I accidentally had access. But it is still not OK to do that. So you should not feel bad. He accessed something he should not have accessed.

Well I don't intentionally hide things from him cause I don't like keepimg things from him so i'm not gonna like delete my history or anything.

I am not saying you should delete your history. I am saying that if he stumbled upon a thread, he should not have perused it. It was nosy of him to peruse the thread.

That's not really the point here. The point is that you are obviously tormented and unhappy; and I personally cannot understand why you want to stay with him.

That has "GUILT TRIP" written all over it!!!!!