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Old Mar 26, 2013, 01:23 PM
olive98 olive98 is offline
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whats it like as in sharing beds and watching tv together and things? its all i think about now
Can you kiss and cuddle whenever you like?

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  #2  
Old Mar 26, 2013, 04:10 PM
themoonandbach themoonandbach is offline
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My hubby and I have had our issues, but at night, when im by my husband's side, and I know at any time I can kiss or even just touch his shoulder, everything inside me settles and I feel safe and loved. The right person makes all the difference. Dont forget, sometimes love is all you need! You just have to have the right person.
  #3  
Old Mar 26, 2013, 06:05 PM
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  #4  
Old Mar 26, 2013, 07:16 PM
Neversolost Neversolost is offline
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After 21 years, I often wish I had my own bed, my own space, my own life. But on the other hand, I wish he didn't consider sex as love.

Hmmmm ... Why do you ask such a question?
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  #5  
Old Mar 26, 2013, 07:18 PM
olive98 olive98 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by themoonandbach View Post
My hubby and I have had our issues, but at night, when im by my husband's side, and I know at any time I can kiss or even just touch his shoulder, everything inside me settles and I feel safe and loved. The right person makes all the difference. Dont forget, sometimes love is all you need! You just have to have the right person.
Thanks that sounds really nice i guess i got hints of that from shouldering on guy friends which is good
  #6  
Old Mar 26, 2013, 07:19 PM
olive98 olive98 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Neversolost View Post
After 21 years, I often wish I had my own bed, my own space, my own life. But on the other hand, I wish he didn't consider sex as love.

Hmmmm ... Why do you ask such a question?
In case i marry
it really fun to think of!
  #7  
Old Mar 26, 2013, 10:03 PM
Anonymous32825
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As long as you can get them to clean up their own messes (which would be a feat in itself) and put the toi-toi seat down, it's ok.

And as someone who is now divorced and an only child, I found out I resented him moving into MY space. It was a mistake but financially speaking, since I own my condo, really our only option at the time. Deep down I hated it tho. A couple should really get their own first space together, for sure. (If possible.)

Unless he owns a mansion and you move in and have your own rooms and pools and servents. Pfft, ha!
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  #8  
Old Mar 26, 2013, 10:57 PM
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As long as you can get them to clean up their own messes (which would be a feat in itself) and put the toi-toi seat down, it's ok.
When she starts putting it up I'll think about putting it down
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  #9  
Old Mar 26, 2013, 11:30 PM
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I've lived with my boyfriend for 19 years. We have our own rooms, our own beds, and that's how I like it. You may think it's unromantic, but I'm getting the feeling you're quite young, and being in a relationship isn't all lovey-dovey all the time. Everyone needs their own space sometimes, and your partner can sometimes do things that get on your nerves, and vice-versa. That's not to say there's no real romance, but it's not constant and always sweet, the way I think you're picturing it.
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  #10  
Old Mar 27, 2013, 02:09 AM
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I know you're quite young, and you would like education. So I'll share my experience.

It depends partially on the man. Some are easier to live with than others, the same as women.

My husband snores, for example, but that doesn't bother me. I take it as a "comfort sound." It tells me he's there, and that helps relax me. For other people, though, a partner who snores would be a problem, and it would disturb their sleep.

Now, the important part to understand is, there is much more involved in living with a man, besides sleeping in the same bed and watching TV together. You have to consider each other's habits. My sleep patterns have always been inconsistent, so if I'm awake at night, I have to be careful not to make noise or turn on a light where it will bother my sleeping husband. It would be very difficult for him to live with me if I didn't try to be considerate. Division of labor is a consideration. Who is going to do the cooking and the housework, especially if both of you has a job? Does he expect you to pick up after him? What are you going to spend money on, or save up for? Should one of you make a major purchase without consulting the other? How do you treat each other? Are you polite? Does he feel it's perfectly acceptable to insult you and call you names, because "you should be able to take a joke" or does he care about your feelings?

Then there are the little annoying things like whether or not he puts the toilet seat back down when he's done using it.

And no, you pretty much can't kiss and cuddle whenever you like, because at least one of you is going to have to earn a living for part of the day.
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  #11  
Old Mar 27, 2013, 02:27 AM
Anonymous32825
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lovebird View Post
I know you're quite young, and you would like education. So I'll share my experience.

It depends partially on the man. Some are easier to live with than others, the same as women.

My husband snores, for example, but that doesn't bother me. I take it as a "comfort sound." It tells me he's there, and that helps relax me. For other people, though, a partner who snores would be a problem, and it would disturb their sleep.

Now, the important part to understand is, there is much more involved in living with a man, besides sleeping in the same bed and watching TV together. You have to consider each other's habits. My sleep patterns have always been inconsistent, so if I'm awake at night, I have to be careful not to make noise or turn on a light where it will bother my sleeping husband. It would be very difficult for him to live with me if I didn't try to be considerate. Division of labor is a consideration. Who is going to do the cooking and the housework, especially if both of you has a job? Does he expect you to pick up after him? What are you going to spend money on, or save up for? Should one of you make a major purchase without consulting the other? How do you treat each other? Are you polite? Does he feel it's perfectly acceptable to insult you and call you names, because "you should be able to take a joke" or does he care about your feelings?

Then there are the little annoying things like whether or not he puts the toilet seat back down when he's done using it.

And no, you pretty much can't kiss and cuddle whenever you like, because at least one of you is going to have to earn a living for part of the day.
All excellent points.

And I would like to add that usually at least one of you has had a not-so-stellar day if you both work and come home...at the very least one of you is grumpy or pooped. People, even people in love, are hardly ever on the exact same "plane" all the time, so you have to learn to compromise and be supportive and learn, for example...if he had a bad day, what does he need? To be alone, or to talk? OR to be alone for a little while, and THEN talk? There are so many grey areas you have to pay attention to, and make sure you always communicate. And if you really love the person, you will respect these moments and patterns and he should do the same for you.

Last edited by Anonymous32825; Mar 27, 2013 at 02:36 AM. Reason: can't type
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  #12  
Old Mar 27, 2013, 02:28 AM
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poptart316 poptart316 is offline
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Awe, I want to get married, I'm so sick of dating, it's a PITA.. I wish I could bypass it somehow and just be married to someone wonderful and have everything be boring yet comfortable and feeling like family- knowing that a mans there for me.. I don't like the feeling that comes with having a crush, all the nervousness/uncertainty/infatuation... and things usually don't work out anyways.
  #13  
Old Mar 27, 2013, 02:34 AM
Anonymous32825
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Originally Posted by poptart316 View Post
Awe, I want to get married, I'm so sick of dating, it's a PITA.. I wish I could bypass it somehow and just be married to someone wonderful and have everything be boring yet comfortable and feeling like family- knowing that a mans there for me.. I don't like the feeling that comes with having a crush, all the nervousness/uncertainty/infatuation... and things usually don't work out anyways.
Dating does suck, for sure. But trust me, you don't want things to be "boring" in a marriage because bad things happen when guys get "bored".

I understand your feelings about being excited/nervous re: dating a guy, and then he doesn't work out. It's quite a letdown.

But the more guys you date, the more likely you are to find the right person for you.
  #14  
Old Mar 27, 2013, 03:08 AM
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I feel a need to point out that to people accustomed to a dysfunctional or abusive relationship, a normal, healthy one seems "boring." In that context, I would say that "boring" is a good thing. My husband knows he's a routine, average, boring old working stiff, he wants to be that, and I wouldn't have him any other way.
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  #15  
Old Mar 27, 2013, 03:10 AM
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poptart316 poptart316 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tractionbeam0610 View Post
Dating does suck, for sure. But trust me, you don't want things to be "boring" in a marriage because bad things happen when guys get "bored".

I understand your feelings about being excited/nervous re: dating a guy, and then he doesn't work out. It's quite a letdown.

But the more guys you date, the more likely you are to find the right person for you.
I'm very novelty seeking when it comes to relationships, I tend to date guys who I feel have interesting careers/lifestyles. I've dated a lot of musicians.. they can be interesting/exciting but often times make terrible boyfriends.. but I can't get past it, everyone else seems so subpar. Things are either really exciting to the point where it's overwhelming and I can't get comfortable.. or I'm totally bored/disinterested. I'm not sure how to get over my ex.. he had his masters in physics and was also a musician... like he was so angry and passionate and channeled it all into intellectual and creative pursuits, it was beautiful to me. He was also introverted/socially awkward like me but learned how to manage it.. he could recognize that he just didn't like people and he didn't care. Not only that we had amazing chemistry. :X No one else comes close to comparison.. I kind of give up.
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  #16  
Old Mar 27, 2013, 03:21 AM
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Originally Posted by poptart316 View Post
I'm very novelty seeking when it comes to relationships, I tend to date guys who I feel have interesting careers/lifestyles. I've dated a lot of musicians.. they can be interesting/exciting but often times make terrible boyfriends.. but I can't get past it, everyone else seems so subpar. Things are either really exciting to the point where it's overwhelming and I can't get comfortable.. or I'm totally bored/disinterested. I'm not sure how to get over my ex.. he had his masters in physics and was also a musician... like he was so angry and passionate and channeled it all into intellectual and creative pursuits, it was beautiful to me. He was also introverted/socially awkward like me but learned how to manage it.. he could recognize that he just didn't like people and he didn't care. Not only that we had amazing chemistry. :X No one else comes close to comparison.. I kind of give up.
I dated a drummer on and off for 10+ years (mostly on, until I would meet someone else and call it off because he was never "there" enough for me, in all senses of the word)...and he was also a HUGE narcissist. And very very extroverted; I'm not. Personality difference are hard to get over. They can be exciting at first and cause problems later.
And yes, I have found exciting to be inconsistent sometimes? I am not sure if you mean that or not as well, but that has caused me discomfort. And your ex...bright and talented and creative is often very interesting, but it sounds like he might be just difficult to handle and very painful for you. I am sorry you are finding it so hard to get over with him. Have you talked to a therapist about it at all?
And you sound too young to give up! You will probably find the person for you when you least expect it.
  #17  
Old Mar 27, 2013, 03:24 AM
Anonymous32825
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lovebird View Post
I feel a need to point out that to people accustomed to a dysfunctional or abusive relationship, a normal, healthy one seems "boring." In that context, I would say that "boring" is a good thing. My husband knows he's a routine, average, boring old working stiff, he wants to be that, and I wouldn't have him any other way.
I was defining "boring" as people I have seen who are married but lose that important connection with each other...maybe THAT should be called dysfunctional. What you are describing sounds both "comforting" and "comfortable" to me, which sounds lovely.
Thanks for this!
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  #18  
Old Mar 27, 2013, 03:47 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tractionbeam0610 View Post
I was defining "boring" as people I have seen who are married but lose that important connection with each other...maybe THAT should be called dysfunctional. What you are describing sounds both "comforting" and "comfortable" to me, which sounds lovely.
Yes that's kind of what I mean by boring, it sounds kind of idyllic.
  #19  
Old Mar 27, 2013, 03:49 AM
olive98 olive98 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tractionbeam0610 View Post
As long as you can get them to clean up their own messes (which would be a feat in itself) and put the toi-toi seat down, it's ok.

And as someone who is now divorced and an only child, I found out I resented him moving into MY space. It was a mistake but financially speaking, since I own my condo, really our only option at the time. Deep down I hated it tho. A couple should really get their own first space together, for sure. (If possible.)

Unless he owns a mansion and you move in and have your own rooms and pools and servents. Pfft, ha!
I babysit and kind of housekeep too for my boss so no problem
My boss has a pool but not mansion.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Maven View Post
I've lived with my boyfriend for 19 years. We have our own rooms, our own beds, and that's how I like it. You may think it's unromantic, but I'm getting the feeling you're quite young, and being in a relationship isn't all lovey-dovey all the time. Everyone needs their own space sometimes, and your partner can sometimes do things that get on your nerves, and vice-versa. That's not to say there's no real romance, but it's not constant and always sweet, the way I think you're picturing it.
My boss has 3 bedrooms and one is his son so if i needed a bedroom for myself it would be there for me
Thanks for this!
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  #20  
Old Mar 27, 2013, 03:55 AM
olive98 olive98 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lovebird View Post
I know you're quite young, and you would like education. So I'll share my experience.

It depends partially on the man. Some are easier to live with than others, the same as women.

My husband snores, for example, but that doesn't bother me. I take it as a "comfort sound." It tells me he's there, and that helps relax me. For other people, though, a partner who snores would be a problem, and it would disturb their sleep.

Now, the important part to understand is, there is much more involved in living with a man, besides sleeping in the same bed and watching TV together. You have to consider each other's habits. My sleep patterns have always been inconsistent, so if I'm awake at night, I have to be careful not to make noise or turn on a light where it will bother my sleeping husband. It would be very difficult for him to live with me if I didn't try to be considerate. Division of labor is a consideration. Who is going to do the cooking and the housework, especially if both of you has a job? Does he expect you to pick up after him? What are you going to spend money on, or save up for? Should one of you make a major purchase without consulting the other? How do you treat each other? Are you polite? Does he feel it's perfectly acceptable to insult you and call you names, because "you should be able to take a joke" or does he care about your feelings?

Then there are the little annoying things like whether or not he puts the toilet seat back down when he's done using it.

And no, you pretty much can't kiss and cuddle whenever you like, because at least one of you is going to have to earn a living for part of the day.
Thanks! Sorry i'm replying late i was at my bosses home.
Snoring sounds nice
I wanna do all the cooking and housework because i doubt i'll be able to get a job apart from babysitting jobs.
I don't like complaining to people so i get along good even with name-callers
I hope my hubby works from home then!

Quote:
Originally Posted by tractionbeam0610 View Post
All excellent points.

And I would like to add that usually at least one of you has had a not-so-stellar day if you both work and come home...at the very least one of you is grumpy or pooped. People, even people in love, are hardly ever on the exact same "plane" all the time, so you have to learn to compromise and be supportive and learn, for example...if he had a bad day, what does he need? To be alone, or to talk? OR to be alone for a little while, and THEN talk? There are so many grey areas you have to pay attention to, and make sure you always communicate. And if you really love the person, you will respect these moments and patterns and he should do the same for you.
This part sounds tricky. I hope he doesn't find me annoying
At school some girls find me annoying and are mean to me but boys are never mean, but we don't live together 24/7 i guess so a bit different!
  #21  
Old Mar 27, 2013, 04:02 AM
olive98 olive98 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by poptart316 View Post
Awe, I want to get married, I'm so sick of dating, it's a PITA.. I wish I could bypass it somehow and just be married to someone wonderful and have everything be boring yet comfortable and feeling like family- knowing that a mans there for me.. I don't like the feeling that comes with having a crush, all the nervousness/uncertainty/infatuation... and things usually don't work out anyways.
Me too i have 3 crushes include a really mad crush that is too much, so i wish i was married too and also i find some boy scary cos some of them are acting like the boy that abused me and so i might be abused again by a boy. Dating is dangerous, i gave it up!
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  #22  
Old Mar 27, 2013, 05:03 AM
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gismo gismo is offline
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i've no idea love...
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  #23  
Old Mar 27, 2013, 05:50 AM
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Nicks_Nose Nicks_Nose is offline
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It really depends on what qualities or traits you value in a partner and what traits you will tolerate to keep a loved one. I have a wonderful Aunt and Uncle who have been together for many years now and they USED to sleep together until she began to snore heavily and he began to have digestive problems resulting in loud belching noises. They still love each other dearly and snuggle when awake, but at night time they must sleep apart now to get the restful sleep they need.

I know another couple that works totally different sleeping cycles because of work. They make it a habit to set aside the time they have together to have a coffee and paper date at home. They don't talk at this time, they relax, read, sip coffee together and listen to music snuggling. The rest of the work week is spent leaving notes and riddles or jokes for each other's day.
Thanks for this!
olive98
  #24  
Old Mar 27, 2013, 06:43 AM
olive98 olive98 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Nicks_Nose View Post
It really depends on what qualities or traits you value in a partner and what traits you will tolerate to keep a loved one. I have a wonderful Aunt and Uncle who have been together for many years now and they USED to sleep together until she began to snore heavily and he began to have digestive problems resulting in loud belching noises. They still love each other dearly and snuggle when awake, but at night time they must sleep apart now to get the restful sleep they need.

I know another couple that works totally different sleeping cycles because of work. They make it a habit to set aside the time they have together to have a coffee and paper date at home. They don't talk at this time, they relax, read, sip coffee together and listen to music snuggling. The rest of the work week is spent leaving notes and riddles or jokes for each other's day.
Thanks those 2 couples are really interesting!
If i end up being with my boss when i turn 18 i will for sure be happy to do the right things to make things work in bed, i practice already when he was out i was in his bed lol it felt like i was his wife/gf and he was at work and i was waiting for him but its ok i was out of the bed before he came come
  #25  
Old Mar 27, 2013, 11:35 AM
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Mike_J Mike_J is offline
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Depends on the man....

In theory you can kiss and cuddle anytime you want, but he has to be in the mood, and you are only want to cuddle with him when your not upset with him for being a slob and not picking up his socks from the bedroom floor, or whatever annoying thing he does. And YES all of us have habits that others are going to find annoying, male female, it doesn't matter, nobody is perfect.

Just make sure you have reasonable expectations, know he is going to have faults.
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