Home Menu

Menu


Reply
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old Mar 10, 2014, 02:58 PM
growlithing's Avatar
growlithing growlithing is offline
Magnate
 
Member Since: May 2013
Location: Boston
Posts: 2,608
Sorry to post another thread. Recently, I've just been very upset about never having any sexual experiences. Sometimes it doesn't bother me very much and sometimes it really does. I find that if I masturbate in a bathtub filled partially with very hot water (not full to where my vag is underwater because that wouldn't be good), it almost feels like what I imagine being close to someone else might feel like. But sex and my complete lack of sex is all I can think about recently (just being a few days) and it's killing me that I've never been with anyone. I feel like less of a human than other people my age. Certainly less of a woman. I'm enormously sexually frustrated to the point where I can only think about this and I actually skipped school to masturbate today.

I know I should probably talk to my T about this but I just imagine it would be uncomfortable for both of us. I just don't know if I have a serious problem.

advertisement
  #2  
Old Mar 10, 2014, 03:23 PM
Anonymous200125
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
I think your feelings are actually quite normal and this partly comes from society that you're less of a man/woman if you're not sexually active. It's complete rubbish and partly the reason why we have children having children.

If you're a woman it shouldn't be difficult to get sex unless you're one of those unfortunate enough to be severely disfigured. Dress up, wear a short skirt, go to a bar and you're have plenty of men go up to you. Do you want that though?
  #3  
Old Mar 10, 2014, 03:24 PM
Webgoji's Avatar
Webgoji Webgoji is offline
Grand Magnate
 
Member Since: Aug 2013
Location: Wichita, Ks
Posts: 3,535
It sounds like it may be starting to become a problem. You're skipping school to pet the kitty so it's interfering with your normal life. Being sexually frustrated is one thing, but when it starts to interfere with the rest of your life, then it's time to talk to the therapist.

And you would be surprised, I bet your T wouldn't be as uncomfortable as you imagine. I can only imagine the uncomfortable things that therapists hear and your frustrations are probably small beans compared to what they've heard.

Please talk to your therapist about this, if nothing it will help to get it off your chest.
  #4  
Old Mar 10, 2014, 03:36 PM
growlithing's Avatar
growlithing growlithing is offline
Magnate
 
Member Since: May 2013
Location: Boston
Posts: 2,608
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lycanthrope View Post
I think your feelings are actually quite normal and this partly comes from society that you're less of a man/woman if you're not sexually active. It's complete rubbish and partly the reason why we have children having children.

If you're a woman it shouldn't be difficult to get sex unless you're one of those unfortunate enough to be severely disfigured. Dress up, wear a short skirt, go to a bar and you're have plenty of men go up to you. Do you want that though?

I'm really fat. No one would want to see me in a short skirt.

I do and I don't. I'm really scared of sex because of stuff that happened in the past and I really don't want that kind of attention, but at the same time, I do.
  #5  
Old Mar 10, 2014, 03:49 PM
Anonymous200125
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Quote:
Originally Posted by growlithing View Post
I'm really fat. No one would want to see me in a short skirt.

I do and I don't. I'm really scared of sex because of stuff that happened in the past and I really don't want that kind of attention, but at the same time, I do.
Are you really fat? Sometimes we're our harshest critics. If you are really fat then perhaps that's something to work on for your self-esteem? I'm not suggesting you lose weight to get a man, but perhaps it would make you feel better about yourself. Plus there's the health benefits, mentally and physically.

You want the attention because you want to be desired as a woman and thought of as attractive, but at the same time you don't want the attention because you don't want to sexually abused ( assuming that's what's happened in the past).

It wouldn't be uncomfortable for your T for you to talk about this. They've heard far, far worse.. I will say this, I don't think you're ready for any sex or sexual realationship, based on what you've said. You need to work on yourself first.
  #6  
Old Mar 10, 2014, 03:59 PM
growlithing's Avatar
growlithing growlithing is offline
Magnate
 
Member Since: May 2013
Location: Boston
Posts: 2,608
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lycanthrope View Post
Are you really fat? Sometimes we're our harshest critics. If you are really fat then perhaps that's something to work on for your self-esteem? I'm not suggesting you lose weight to get a man, but perhaps it would make you feel better about yourself. Plus there's the health benefits, mentally and physically.


You want the attention because you want to be desired as a woman and thought of as attractive, but at the same time you don't want the attention because you don't want to sexually abused ( assuming that's what's happened in the past).


It wouldn't be uncomfortable for your T for you to talk about this. They've heard far, far worse.. I will say this, I don't think you're ready for any sex or sexual realationship, based on what you've said. You need to work on yourself first.

I am well aware of the fact that I am not ready for a sexual relationship. It would be a disaster. I still just feel bad about it and want it even if I won't let myself have it.

Yes, I am genuinely fat. Not like girls who call themselves fat. Actually quite overweight. I've lost a lot of weight. I won't post numbers out of respect for people who are triggered by numbers but there are full grown men who weigh less than the amount of weight I've lost. Even still, I still am fat and I feel like I've lost about as much as I can. Part of the reason I can't lose more is because I'm scared of being someone guys would approach because I am scared of being sexually abused again, yes.
  #7  
Old Mar 10, 2014, 04:00 PM
LiteraryLark's Avatar
LiteraryLark LiteraryLark is offline
Crowned "The Good Witch"
 
Member Since: Jun 2009
Location: Wonderland
Posts: 11,542
Quote:
Originally Posted by Webgoji View Post
skipping school to pet the kitty
OMG I love that line. lol
Thanks for this!
growlithing
  #8  
Old Mar 10, 2014, 04:01 PM
LiteraryLark's Avatar
LiteraryLark LiteraryLark is offline
Crowned "The Good Witch"
 
Member Since: Jun 2009
Location: Wonderland
Posts: 11,542
Maybe your T isn't the best person to talk about sex. When my regular T went on maternity leave she paired me up specifically with someone who has a better understanding with sexual issues. You may want to ask your T if there is someone you can address your sexual issues with.
  #9  
Old Mar 10, 2014, 04:04 PM
growlithing's Avatar
growlithing growlithing is offline
Magnate
 
Member Since: May 2013
Location: Boston
Posts: 2,608
Quote:
Originally Posted by DrSkipper View Post
Maybe your T isn't the best person to talk about sex. When my regular T went on maternity leave she paired me up specifically with someone who has a better understanding with sexual issues. You may want to ask your T if there is someone you can address your sexual issues with.

I haven't tried to talk about my sexual issues with her that much. She knows about it generally. Maternal transference makes it awkward to talk about.

I need a new trauma therapist
  #10  
Old Mar 10, 2014, 04:14 PM
Harley47's Avatar
Harley47 Harley47 is offline
Grand Poohbah
 
Member Since: Feb 2012
Location: North Carolina, USA
Posts: 1,957
lol The "pet the kitty" line has always been one of my favorites. Funny, but not vulgar enough that I feel bad using it (I've never really been good at slang and the female anatomy ).

On to the question though...it usually is "problematic" when the desire begins to interfere with day to day function, as it did here. However, I do certainly understand where you're coming from. It can be hard. We're inundated with a TON of societal pressure about virginity...to the point where it is considered "abnormal" to have not punched the v-card at a certain age. That is largely, in my opinion, a load of crap.

Don't let your perceptions about yourself hold you back. There's someone for everyone. Granted, the waiting sucks, Lord knows I know. But there's no reason that your body profile should be a hindrance...anyone who is going to flat out dislike you on that and that alone isn't worth your time.

As far as speaking to your therapist about it goes, go for it! You needn't give him specifics that you're not comfortable with. I argue you could submit to him nothing but the emotional side of it and get the help you need without it being uncomfortable for either of you (mind you, I don't think it'll catch him off guard...they hear things like this *all* the time and are trained to respond to it).

I hope things look up soon Growlithing, and I hope I was of some help.

Hugs,
Harley
__________________
The world suffers alot. Not because of the violence of bad people, but because of the silence of good people.- Napoleon Bonaparte
  #11  
Old Mar 11, 2014, 04:31 PM
growlithing's Avatar
growlithing growlithing is offline
Magnate
 
Member Since: May 2013
Location: Boston
Posts: 2,608
I can't stop thinking about it. I don't know why
  #12  
Old Mar 11, 2014, 06:28 PM
Anonymous37954
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Quote:
Originally Posted by growlithing View Post
I haven't tried to talk about my sexual issues with her that much. She knows about it generally. Maternal transference makes it awkward to talk about.

I need a new trauma therapist
I am genuinely saddened by this.
You are paying your therapist to do a job. She works for you.

I hope you can tell her everything at some point.
  #13  
Old Mar 11, 2014, 07:23 PM
growlithing's Avatar
growlithing growlithing is offline
Magnate
 
Member Since: May 2013
Location: Boston
Posts: 2,608
Quote:
Originally Posted by sophiesmom View Post
I am genuinely saddened by this.

You are paying your therapist to do a job. She works for you.


I hope you can tell her everything at some point.

I sent her an email and got somewhat intimate about all of this in the email. I even said I have trouble talking about it to her. She thanked me for opening up about it and said she'll call me tonight.
Hugs from:
LiteraryLark, Webgoji
Thanks for this!
Webgoji
  #14  
Old Mar 11, 2014, 08:04 PM
Anonymous37954
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
I'm so glad for you.

It's easier emotionally for me to write, so I understand...

Thinking good thoughts and report back if you are up to it.
Reply
Views: 2099

attentionThis is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.




All times are GMT -5. The time now is 09:17 AM.
Powered by vBulletin® — Copyright © 2000 - 2025, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.




 

My Support Forums

My Support Forums is the online community that was originally begun as the Psych Central Forums in 2001. It now runs as an independent self-help support group community for mental health, personality, and psychological issues and is overseen by a group of dedicated, caring volunteers from around the world.

 

Helplines and Lifelines

The material on this site is for informational purposes only, and is not a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment provided by a qualified health care provider.

Always consult your doctor or mental health professional before trying anything you read here.