Do I have a problem?

Sorry to post another thread. Recently, I've just been very upset about never having any sexual experiences. Sometimes it doesn't bother me very much and sometimes it really does. I find that if I masturbate in a bathtub filled partially with very hot water (not full to where my vag is underwater because that wouldn't be good), it almost feels like what I imagine being close to someone else might feel like. But sex and my complete lack of sex is all I can think about recently (just being a few days) and it's killing me that I've never been with anyone. I feel like less of a human than other people my age. Certainly less of a woman. I'm enormously sexually frustrated to the point where I can only think about this and I actually skipped school to masturbate today.

I know I should probably talk to my T about this but I just imagine it would be uncomfortable for both of us. I just don't know if I have a serious problem.

I think your feelings are actually quite normal and this partly comes from society that you're less of a man/woman if you're not sexually active. It's complete rubbish and partly the reason why we have children having children.

If you're a woman it shouldn't be difficult to get sex unless you're one of those unfortunate enough to be severely disfigured. Dress up, wear a short skirt, go to a bar and you're have plenty of men go up to you. Do you want that though?

It sounds like it may be starting to become a problem. You're skipping school to pet the kitty so it's interfering with your normal life. Being sexually frustrated is one thing, but when it starts to interfere with the rest of your life, then it's time to talk to the therapist.

And you would be surprised, I bet your T wouldn't be as uncomfortable as you imagine. I can only imagine the uncomfortable things that therapists hear and your frustrations are probably small beans compared to what they've heard.

Please talk to your therapist about this, if nothing it will help to get it off your chest.

I'm really fat. No one would want to see me in a short skirt.

I do and I don't. I'm really scared of sex because of stuff that happened in the past and I really don't want that kind of attention, but at the same time, I do.

Are you really fat? Sometimes we're our harshest critics. If you are really fat then perhaps that's something to work on for your self-esteem? I'm not suggesting you lose weight to get a man, but perhaps it would make you feel better about yourself. Plus there's the health benefits, mentally and physically.

You want the attention because you want to be desired as a woman and thought of as attractive, but at the same time you don't want the attention because you don't want to sexually abused ( assuming that's what's happened in the past).

It wouldn't be uncomfortable for your T for you to talk about this. They've heard far, far worse.. I will say this, I don't think you're ready for any sex or sexual realationship, based on what you've said. You need to work on yourself first.

I am well aware of the fact that I am not ready for a sexual relationship. It would be a disaster. I still just feel bad about it and want it even if I won't let myself have it.

Yes, I am genuinely fat. Not like girls who call themselves fat. Actually quite overweight. I've lost a lot of weight. I won't post numbers out of respect for people who are triggered by numbers but there are full grown men who weigh less than the amount of weight I've lost. Even still, I still am fat and I feel like I've lost about as much as I can. Part of the reason I can't lose more is because I'm scared of being someone guys would approach because I am scared of being sexually abused again, yes.

OMG I love that line. lol

Maybe your T isn't the best person to talk about sex. When my regular T went on maternity leave she paired me up specifically with someone who has a better understanding with sexual issues. You may want to ask your T if there is someone you can address your sexual issues with.

I haven't tried to talk about my sexual issues with her that much. She knows about it generally. Maternal transference makes it awkward to talk about.

I need a new trauma therapist

lol The "pet the kitty" line has always been one of my favorites. Funny, but not vulgar enough that I feel bad using it (I've never really been good at slang and the female anatomy ).

On to the question though...it usually is "problematic" when the desire begins to interfere with day to day function, as it did here. However, I do certainly understand where you're coming from. It can be hard. We're inundated with a TON of societal pressure about virginity...to the point where it is considered "abnormal" to have not punched the v-card at a certain age. That is largely, in my opinion, a load of crap.

Don't let your perceptions about yourself hold you back. There's someone for everyone. Granted, the waiting sucks, Lord knows I know. But there's no reason that your body profile should be a hindrance...anyone who is going to flat out dislike you on that and that alone isn't worth your time.

As far as speaking to your therapist about it goes, go for it! You needn't give him specifics that you're not comfortable with. I argue you could submit to him nothing but the emotional side of it and get the help you need without it being uncomfortable for either of you (mind you, I don't think it'll catch him off guard...they hear things like this *all* the time and are trained to respond to it).

I hope things look up soon Growlithing, and I hope I was of some help.

Hugs,
Harley

I can't stop thinking about it. I don't know why

I am genuinely saddened by this.
You are paying your therapist to do a job. She works for you.

I hope you can tell her everything at some point.

I sent her an email and got somewhat intimate about all of this in the email. I even said I have trouble talking about it to her. She thanked me for opening up about it and said she'll call me tonight.

I'm so glad for you.

It's easier emotionally for me to write, so I understand...

Thinking good thoughts and report back if you are up to it.