Help with my Son

Hi Tea&sympathy
Put like that yes my problems are all insignificant. I agree wholeheartedly and as for committing my Son that was a spur of the moment thing for which I have apologised. After having children before and since I couldn't understand what was going on in my sons head. After reading comments on here I have begun to see the way forward. Thanks all
Rh01

Thank you! It's not hard for me to offer advice and information about this particular fetish, because I have lived with it for most of my life, and continue live it virtually every day.

It's important for you to understand that your son is probably unable to give up what has become his dependence on diapers and other baby items. They give him a way to cope with the world as he sees it, and a way to express his sexuality.

Fetishes are self-reinforcing, and no less pleasurable to the fetishist than is tobacco to a smoker and alcohol to an alcoholic. Even my wife admits that a diaper or underpants filled with warm, soft "stuff" must be powerful incentive to fill them again, and again. And if sexual arousal is part of the payoff of any fetish, what young person is going to be able to resist?

Wikipedia includes a good description of what I suspect you are dealing with, which is "Paraphilic infantilism". Also, google "map human sexuality" to find a map that shows the incredible variety of human sexual expression.

Other

Thanks again and I think that maybe you will indeed have some of the answers to questions that I cannot think of at this moment in time but will post when I need answers Thanks again and Take care.

Hey, Rh01! I have heard of such a thing because awhile back I saw a TV show that featured a guy with this type of issue. He held a responsible job, and I'm sure no one suspected. But when he got home he went into his own "nursery" and was a baby again. I wish I could tell what show it was on, etc., but I just don't remember.

Thanks Travelinglady,
Before this it was unknown to me I am learning more and more and it's great to have support in this group. It makes you feel like you are normal and you get an insight into whatever problem you may have.
Thanks all
Rh01

Hi all.
The latest is I went to see yet another therapist. This one seems to know a bit about my sons problem. I had a private meeting wit him first during the week then My Wife myself and My Son had an appointment of Fri last. The therapist had us all in an office together where we discussed our son's problem. We also told him of our son's request to be a baby at home. The therapist tried to discuss with our Son however our Son wasn't forthcoming in talking to the therapist. So after a while our son was sent to the games room to wait, The therapist had left some fetish books there referring to this subject and Left our son in that room while we talked some more. It would seem from that talk that our Son is experimenting with his sexuality and his transition from teen to adult. Sometimes it takes a little nudge in the right direction to steer the the teen to know the difference between what should be done in the privacy of his own room or what he needs us as a family for. The therapist said that while what our son is doing is not a major cause for alarm it would be best to get it back to the son's private space. This unfortunately is going to take some weeks it's not an overnight cure and there is no magic wand to make it go away. The therapist has to build a friendship with our son and also gain his trust. Which for us that means there is a bitter pill to swallow. The therapist asked if we were in a position to allow our son his request in the privacy of our own home with family only would we be prepared to accept and help our son realise that being a baby full time is not exactly like he dreams it to be and that if he were to be allowed this. That would mean that all his teen gadgets he has would be confiscated until he was a responsible person to use these items. It would also mean that we as parents would be changing nappies again. According to therapist these books that were left in games room are a sort of help for him they do mention this fetish and they talk in there about the best ways that his fetish could nurture in the privacy of his own room without the aid of any unwilling participant. The mind is a wonderful thing and left to it's own devices it can produce the best scenarios ever thought possible. I haven't agreed as yet to the therapist he did say that he understands that it's a lot to take in but go home and think about it and let him know how we intend to proceed. So what you think does this sound like good reasoning I am kind of torn between yes and no myself I can see the merit in it. Then I can also see the downside my 16 year old as a baby for a number of weeks until he builds a friendship and trust with therapist. Thanks in advance
Regards
Rh01

Yikes!

I can see no merit in it all. Perhaps your therapist is thinking along the lines of some form of implosion therapy where your son would be flooded with the full experience of being a full-time adult baby/diaper lover. The idea would be that after a while he would become numbed to or averse to the experience and wouldn't want to do it any longer.

It's the way I quit smoking. Through a work situation I was exposed to smoke-heavy environments populated by people who were hacking and coughing up phlegm as they kept lighting up. It was disgusting. I never smoked again. I'd tried many times to quit before with little success. Implosion works for that sort of thing.

But I don't see how it would work for a sexual fetish like your son's. In fact, I think it could and would have very deleterious unintended consequence.

First of all, unless he's totally disconnected from reality, you son already knows he can't be an infant full-time. He has to go to school and go out in the world and he knows that. But like every kid, he's not averse to pushing the boundaries to see just how far his parents will allow him to go. That's pretty normal for any kid for just about any kind of behavior. If he gets bored with being a full-time baby, it doesn't mean the fetish is cured or he's been nudged over to more typical sexual expressions. It just means he got bored in the moment.

This is a sexual fantasy/fetish, part of your son's sexual awakening. Do you really want your son to connect his sexual feelings with you and your wife changing his diaper?

Do you remember what changing a poopy diaper entails. It means wiping down and cleaning up his penis, scrotum and buttocks, spreading his butt cheeks apart to make sure you've removed all urine and feces in order to avoid diaper rash and infection.

Do you want mum and dad touching his private parts to be part of his sexual imprinting? I don't think so. I know you don't. It's too creepy to contemplate.

Next is the whole issue of trying to "cure" a sexual fetish, trying to nudge it over to more conventional or typical expressions. I don't know if that's even possible. In my opinion (and I could be wrong,) I think its akin to trying to cure homosexuality and transsexuality with therapy. The best you can hope for from therapy is that you, your wife and your son learn acceptance and understanding and proper boundaries as he expresses his impulses.

I talked to my daughter, the fetishist, about this. She's tried to moderate her fetish behavior and to learn how and when to express it and therapy helped her with that. It didn't get rid of the fetish. There have been at least two incidents where she got in over her head. She called me on her cell phone and I talked her right into a taxi and home to safety. That's what therapy accomplished. Acceptance, no shame, no secrets and knowing one's boundaries. Right now, your son doesn't yet know proper boundaries with this and neither do you. If you start changing his diapers, all boundaries will have been crossed.

There's no reason it will take weeks to coax your son back into his room. There's no coaxing necessary. If you allow him the run of the common living area as a baby, pooping his pants and crying to be changed, then the only thing he's going to learn is how to be a selfish git with no consideration for others. Even worse, he'll learn he can coerce people into participating in his sexual fantasy. Not good. Not good at all.

If he decided to unzip in front of the television to self-pleasure in front of the rest of the family, you'd stop him. You'd tell him no. Hopefully, you'd tell him about boundaries, respect for other people and about the things that are okay to do in private, but not in public.

Engaging you and your wife to fondle his genitals and buttocks with baby wipes is not okay. Engaging you to clean up his urine and excrement is not okay. There is no way in the world that you and your wife want to become connected in his mind or in any other way with his masturbatory fantasies. Please consider telling the therapist no. The risk if far greater than any potential benefit.

You can continue to offer your love, support and acceptance, even when you're saying no and setting boundaries. If it takes you more than five minutes to tell him that and if he refuses to comply, you've got a problem that's way bigger than a sexual fetish.

Don't be surprised if he tantrums on you. After all, that's what infants do when thwarted. Give him a time-out in his room and reclaim the rest of your house for the entire family.

Well, Rh01, I hate to go against the recommendations of a qualified therapist. But I see a bunch of potential problems here. First of all, has your son actually stated in so many words that he wants to go back to being a baby, or is this the supposition that is being made based on his actions & the way he has decorated his room? How does this relate to the idea of this whole situation being related to him exploring his sexuality?

I would certainly agree that there is no cause for alarm here. And, yes, in order for any therapist to work with your son, there's going to be a period of several weeks, or maybe longer, before they're going to be able to develop a level of trust.

Where I start to have difficulty is with the idea of him returning to being a baby at home. The reason for my concern here is, he can't be at home 24/7 presumably. If nothing else, I would assume he's going to have to go back to school in the fall. So, while he's living as a baby at home, he's having to revert 180 degrees every morning & go to school, then come home & do it again in reverse. Monday mornings could be a real shock, if he enjoys being a baby.

This question of changing nappies also concerns me. First of all, can you & your wife change his nappies for, perhaps, weeks or months? This isn't going to be like changing a baby's nappies. And what if your son decides he likes it? How long are you prepared to do this for? What's the "exit strategy"? Also, has anyone actually talked with him about this? Does he want to have you & your wife changing him? The fact that he wears diapers doesn't automatically mean he wants you changing them or should have you changing them either for that matter. Or is he to be forced to have you change them because that's what is done for babies? That could make diaper changing quite an aversive event.

Then, with regard to taking away his "gadgets", of course, it makes sense that if one wants to be a baby, one should not expect to have "gadgets". However, even if your son reverts to babyhood, he's not really a baby & as such taking away his gadgets may be interpreted, by him, as punishment more than as the logical outcome of the choice he's making. I suppose this is one of the things that the therapist would be working to help him understand. However, this presumes that your son & the therapist are able to develop the necessary bond. To me, it also suggests there is an assumption this is a choice your son is making. He's choosing to adopt baby-like behaviors & so he needs to be shown what being a baby is all about... then he'll hopefully change his mind.

As other PC'ers who've responded to your previous posts have pointed out, there are many competent fully-functioning adults who have the types of predilections your son has. I'm not convinced that there is any choice occurring here. I'm inclined to think that these kinds of things are probably "hard-wired" into the brain, so to speak. And, if in fact this is the case, then trying to get your son to "change his mind" by taking away his gadgets & changing his nappies could be seen as abusive, not therapeutic. And, speaking of abusive, I don't know where you live, of course, but in the state of Minnesota in the U.S., there is a strong anti-child abuse sentiment with local, county & state organizations & government agencies to match. They do allot of good. But, in their zeal, they don't always get it right. Depending on how much child protection activity there is where you live, you may want to approach this whole thing carefully, lest things get out of hand quickly & without warning.

Hi SnakeCharmer
After reading your post and the post that immediately follows yours both my wife and myself agree and have decided to forget this therapist there was indeed some frightening aspects that neither of us considered and as a result we will not go down that route with that therapist.
Thanks and back to drawing board.
Take care
Rh01

Hi Skeezyks
We thank you also for your comments and awakening. As I said to SnakeCharmer we will not be continuing this route with therapy and will go back to grass roots. Your comments and previous alike are the very reason we sought advice in the first place and without support like this where would we have been?
Thanks and will keep you posted
Rh01

There is one additional thing that came to mind after I finished my last post to your Thread, Rh01. As I indicated, I personally tend to believe that the impetus for this sort of thing is probably hard-wired into a person's brain.

One thing that has happened with me regarding compulsive behaviors is that, when I would manage to stop doing one thing, I would discover something else. For example, growing up I bit my fingernails. When I became a young adult & became concerned about my appearance, I managed to break myself of nail biting. Then I discovered hair pulling. And there have been other things. I've heard this from others who struggle with mental health issues as well.

So even if you can manage to figure out a way to get your son to stop wearing diapers & in other ways wanting to revert to being a baby, my experience suggests to me there is a strong likelihood what now drives him to wear diapers will simply find another avenue for expression. For example, he could begin cutting or become anorexic / bulimic.

I apologize if I'm continuing to heap additional concerns on you with regard to this. It is a difficult problem. My best wishes to you all.