[ThisIsTough]

It seems like all my threads I make here are about this sort of thing that I'm going to explain, but I guess this is what I signed up for - right? My other threads are in the aniexty parts of the forum, but I figured I'd post something here differently to see what this part of the forum thinks. Any way, I'll explain a back story here.

Back when I was a teenager I used to think my friend's Mom I used to stay the night over was hot (relatable, of course) but one thing I remember doing is when I was a teenager, I ended up coming across her panties and would pleasure myself with them. This was around the time when I first started masturbating and it stuck, at least for a bit, then I stopped. At least I thought I did.

Fast forward years later after my first girlfriend and I broke up, I was 21 when this happened. She played with my head a lot (got emotionally cheated on, etc) and I thought the best way to get revenge, without her knowing of course, was to pleasure myself with her sisters panties (who again, I thought were both hot). Understandably I was living a fantasy. Then that stopped, but it then picked up a following year after we broke up when my ex and I were still talking as friends and again...then I did it once again.

Then stopped. Then I dated another girl that same year (23) and not once did any of this bother me. Never phased me. But then she played with my head a lot as well (again, emotionally cheated on, etc) and I thought her sister was hot, so I did that once again to get revenge, I thought. And that's where I started to gain anxiety for the first time. I felt very guilty and shameful for my actions and beat myself up over it for a year. Then I got better, a lot better. And then didn't do anything that following year. I saw a therapist (who I'm still seeing now) and was on the road back to feeling normal again in my head.

Up until this year where I then was hanging out with my ex (the first girlfriend I mentioned, were still friends and keep in touch) she invited me over to help fix stuff on their computer. While she was out doing her thing, I then again, pleasured myself to their panties but immediately regretted that decision and went on like I never did it. And now I'm feeling the same actions I felt all over again.

The thing that eats me up, with my second ex I said to myself I wasn't going to do it again. That I was done with that sort of thing and I was getting better, but I feel like I took a big step back doing what I did again. And now I'm feeding things into my head that since it took about a year for myself to finally feel better about my situation, it's going to take another year and in my head I'm trying to look towards 2015 already so I can start fresh of not being this way. It east me up lately and I don't know.

I guess I obviously have a fetish for this sort of thing, but I have a hard time accepting it? Either that or the fact that I snoop and did this stuff with their private stuff eats up my character. I hate what I have done. I don't like what I do, but I guess when I feel horny and aroused and I'm in a situation like that, it happens. I just don't understand. I feel like crap.

I'm not sure what kind of responses I'll get here from anyone, but I just needed to get this off my chest either way. Thank you again for allowing me to post my thoughts here on this forum.

[growlycat]

Why not just tell your girlfriends that you are into this and see if they would be ok with you "borrowing" the undies? Hey, if you replace it with new lingerie they may be cool with it. It seems like a harmless kink.

The only thing that might be an issue is that you are doing this on the sly. Your partner may not appreciate finding her stuff , um, used.It seems disrespectful. Asking would be a totally different story.

Also, having partners that play head games isn't going to help your situation.
Sounds dorky, but honesty and mutual respect in relationships will bring you more of what you want. Just be honest. They may like your kink.

[ThisIsTough]

Thing is, I'm not personally proud of this though. Hence the question mark I added with this post. It's not something I don't think I'm into, I feel really guilty of the entire thing and for what I do. I feel like I left myself down after all the progress I made. I want to stop. I feel like an idiot.

I agree with the honesty and mutual respect. I've been nothing but a good partner to whoever I date, but as soon as things turned sour, that sort of thing happened.

[waiting4]

Originally Posted by ThisIsTough

It seems like all my threads I make here are about this sort of thing that I'm going to explain, but I guess this is what I signed up for - right? My other threads are in the aniexty parts of the forum, but I figured I'd post something here differently to see what this part of the forum thinks. Any way, I'll explain a back story here.

Back when I was a teenager I used to think my friend's Mom I used to stay the night over was hot (relatable, of course) but one thing I remember doing is when I was a teenager, I ended up coming across her panties and would pleasure myself with them. This was around the time when I first started masturbating and it stuck, at least for a bit, then I stopped. At least I thought I did.

Fast forward years later after my first girlfriend and I broke up, I was 21 when this happened. She played with my head a lot (got emotionally cheated on, etc) and I thought the best way to get revenge, without her knowing of course, was to pleasure myself with her sisters panties (who again, I thought were both hot). Understandably I was living a fantasy. Then that stopped, but it then picked up a following year after we broke up when my ex and I were still talking as friends and again...then I did it once again.

Then stopped. Then I dated another girl that same year (23) and not once did any of this bother me. Never phased me. But then she played with my head a lot as well (again, emotionally cheated on, etc) and I thought her sister was hot, so I did that once again to get revenge, I thought. And that's where I started to gain anxiety for the first time. I felt very guilty and shameful for my actions and beat myself up over it for a year. Then I got better, a lot better. And then didn't do anything that following year. I saw a therapist (who I'm still seeing now) and was on the road back to feeling normal again in my head.

Up until this year where I then was hanging out with my ex (the first girlfriend I mentioned, were still friends and keep in touch) she invited me over to help fix stuff on their computer. While she was out doing her thing, I then again, pleasured myself to their panties but immediately regretted that decision and went on like I never did it. And now I'm feeling the same actions I felt all over again.

The thing that eats me up, with my second ex I said to myself I wasn't going to do it again. That I was done with that sort of thing and I was getting better, but I feel like I took a big step back doing what I did again. And now I'm feeding things into my head that since it took about a year for myself to finally feel better about my situation, it's going to take another year and in my head I'm trying to look towards 2015 already so I can start fresh of not being this way. It east me up lately and I don't know.

I guess I obviously have a fetish for this sort of thing, but I have a hard time accepting it? Either that or the fact that I snoop and did this stuff with their private stuff eats up my character. I hate what I have done. I don't like what I do, but I guess when I feel horny and aroused and I'm in a situation like that, it happens. I just don't understand. I feel like crap.

I'm not sure what kind of responses I'll get here from anyone, but I just needed to get this off my chest either way. Thank you again for allowing me to post my thoughts here on this forum.

This may be an obvious question, but have you told your T what you're doing? Are they unable to help you?

I can't pretend to understand this fetish (but I am not inclined to judge either) but I have to admit a bit of surprise that it is sisters of your ex's (for the most part) who seem to bear the brunt of your irritation with your ex.

I also think it's a bit disingenuous to say that you have to wait for 2015 to 'start over' and stop doing what you clearly don't want to do (or at least say you don't want to do). That's like saying you can't quit smoking until the beginning of the new year because you need a specific date that appeals to a conformists idea of 'starting over'. If you stopped masturbating in your ex's sisters underwear TODAY.....then in a week, it will have been a week, in a month it will have been a month etc.

At any rate, if you haven't already, I do suggest you discuss this with your therapist as obviously there are feelings at work here you don't seem to have control of, and if it's bothering you enough to post here, then your T really needs to know, to better help you.

Good luck.

[ThisIsTough]

Oh my T knows, I just couldn't hold this in any longer because it's been a long time since I've seen him. I'll be seeing him in a week. I wish I could see him more, but it is what it is. I felt like before the last thing I did, he was a huge help though.

And I get the logic of what you're saying about the whole 2015 thing. Trust me, I don't agree with that idea either. But there's like two parts of me that say it's right to do that, but at the same time it's stupid to think that way too because of what you said. Stopping for a long period of time is progress either way, no matter the length.

[CantExplain]

Here's what I think. In a society like ours where sex is shameful, shame becomes sexualised. So we are ashamed of out fetishes and that makes them all the more exciting.

Therapy helped me accept my fetish and now I can enjoy it safely without obsessing about it.

[healingme4me]

I guess, the concern isn't that you use the panties, to do this. Just, that you are sneaking into a woman's room, and taking her stuff.
It wouldn't be far fetched, for a man to shop, in such a store, it would be viewed as gift shopping.
Anyhow, I'd be ticked off, having missing panties. So, guess to me it's the theft, not act itself. ..


Sent from my LGMS323 using Tapatalk

[Myotherlife]

Men who wear panties face a huge potential problem with their partners. I was confident, when I told my wife that I wanted to wear panties, that she would be ok with it. After all, I had previously told her previously, after more than 40 years of marriage, about my fetishes (ones that simply cannot be talked about in polite conversation), she had not walked out on me. She had responded empathetically, and commented how stressful my fetishes must have been for me. And the panties? No problem. In fact, she went shopping for panties with me. But her response certainly was not typical.

I've been a member of a couple of other community groups that hosted discussions about sexuality, one of them about cross-dressing — panties, bras, slips, pantyhose, girdles, etc. It was very common for members to say that their wives had freaked out over their panty wearing, and there had even been some divorces. For some men, it became a "Don't ask, don't tell" situation. My wife's response to such situations? "Why would any woman jeopardize a relationship over a few square inches of cloth?!"

Of course, if panty theft rather than just pantry wearing is the problem, well, then, it's a problem in a relationship, and outside the home it could become a criminal matter, in which case there has to be some psychological or psychiatric intervention.

Other

[Myotherlife]

ThisIsTough said, "I hate what I have done. I don't like what I do, but I guess when I feel horny and aroused and I'm in a situation like that, it happens. I just don't understand. I feel like crap."

I want to add another thought to my previous ones: Because of my own similar fetish for panties, I understand what you are saying. Being in the grips of fetish behaviour is rather like being in an alternate universe, where the unthinkable becomes a undeniable need, and then, afterwards, it becomes unthinkable again. It seems to be and perhaps is an unbreakable cycle. From a lot of the reading I have done about fetishes, it seems that our brain chemistry is working differently than that of people who don't have fetishes. Inhibitions drop away, and we find it dead easy, in the moment, to justify what we are doing. Then, afterwards, and presumably after levels of the "guilty" chemicals have fallen, we experience guilt.

I think we really need to rethink guilt and shame when it comes to fetishes. Our society has long since determined that people who murder as a result of mental illness are not "guilty" in the traditional sense, but unwell. We treat psychoses with drugs, not talk therapy or incarceration. Likewise, people with sexual fetishes are at the mercy of their brain chemistry, not their logical thought processes. After years of thinking of myself as a pervert, and the only person in the world who did the things I do, I have learned that I'm not a pervert, nor alone with my fetishes. Instead, I am a person who, for unknown reasons, found unusual ways to express myself sexually. That's OK, as long as I don't drag other people into my sexuality.

Other

Hello ThisIsTough: You've received some excellent replies here. I doubt I could add anything of significance to what's already here.

I just wanted to say I understand how you're feeling about what you've been doing. I think it's excellent you've been able to share this with your T.

I'm a life-long transsexual (MtF). I never transitioned, however, & I've always lived a more-or-less normal male life, except that as a result of my Gender Identity Disorder I have been burdened with all sorts of weird stuff that I have simply been unable to control. And, as a result, I carry around a whole cargo ship full of secret embarrassment & shame. (Reading all of the replies to your post has helped me too.)

I don't know what the answer to this kind of thing is, other than to try to accept it & learn ways to satisfy the compulsions that don't negatively impact others. It's complicated, at least from my perspective...

Anyway I just wanted to share something of myself with you & wish you the best of success.