[BubonicPlague]

I don't know where to put this, because this involves me talking about pornography, sexual attraction, and love involved.

I met this guy online just 7-8 days ago. We got sexually attracted to each other and horny over talking, and both ended up masturbating in front of one another. Then I was rushed in him wanting to be in a relationship, so I agreed to it being okay with it. Then over the course of 2-3 days we talked and he realized he was rushing me and said that he understands if I'm not ready yet. Over the few days of being with him, I've realized that we have the same interests, he's attractive, and we both have the same values in what we want in a relationship, many of the same beliefs except for spirituality (he's orthodox while I'm agnostic-atheist). The thing is, I would really like to be with him some day, I want to care for him to so much with him, be by his side, but I can't feel that sexual/romantic emotion to want to do that. It's just not strong enough.

Also, I gave up pornography and I have tried to stop myself from having sexual fantasies of other men. This was just recent. I've been okay with it, and I feel fine with out it, but here's the thing:

Everyone should know about this of me, I've said it before.

I am sexually attracted to angels. Especially the ones mentioned in the bible. I have been blinded by the beautiful western artwork depicting the archangel Michael, and I can't get over my attraction to him. I favor him out of anyone else in real life out of attractiveness.

It is taking me away from my new friend/potential date, and it makes me feel unfaithful.

[Webgoji]

Hmmm ... sounds like an awesome opportunity to me actually. Roll playing time! Seriously.



As far as the rest, work on the relationship. I bet you'll find he's better than any fantasy.

[ifst5]

Most of us have fantasies regardless of our relationship status.....you know that your attraction to an angel can be be nothing but fantasy, so there's no harm in having a real life relationship. Both can co-exist once you realize there's nothing to actually be guilty about. Besides you love the 'idea' of this angel rather than the angel himself - you can't do anything else because, regardless of whether the angel is real, you don't know them and most likely never will. So how is it really cheating anyway?

It sounds like you've rushed into this new relationship, please allow yourself time to get to know them. It's good that they're not pressurizing you to do more than what you're comfortable with. I would encouarge caution with webcam interaction too - bare in mind what you're sharing if you don't want anything to appear on the internet without your consent.

Other than that, just enjoy your new companionship and respect the fact that your new boyfriend probably has fantasies and mental 'loves' that he hasn't shared with you either. Best of luck.

[BubonicPlague]

Originally Posted by Webgoji

Hmmm ... sounds like an awesome opportunity to me actually. Roll playing time! Seriously.



As far as the rest, work on the relationship. I bet you'll find he's better than any fantasy.

That would be fun.

I just talked to him, and he says it sounds weird and is in disagreement to it though. I think it also goes against his beliefs being that he is Orthodoxy. These fantasies are considered blasphemous thoughts to him.

[BubonicPlague]

Originally Posted by ifst5

Most of us have fantasies regardless of our relationship status.....you know that your attraction to an angel can be be nothing but fantasy, so there's no harm in having a real life relationship. Both can co-exist once you realize there's nothing to actually be guilty about. Besides you love the 'idea' of this angel rather than the angel himself - you can't do anything else because, regardless of whether the angel is real, you don't know them and most likely never will. So how is it really cheating anyway?

It sounds like you've rushed into this new relationship, please allow yourself time to get to know them. It's good that they're not pressurizing you to do more than what you're comfortable with. I would encouarge caution with webcam interaction too - bare in mind what you're sharing if you don't want anything to appear on the internet without your consent.

Other than that, just enjoy your new companionship and respect the fact that your new boyfriend probably has fantasies and mental 'loves' that he hasn't shared with you either. Best of luck.

I will further continue to chat with him on Skype.

He just thinks my fantasies are strange because of his beliefs.

I want to get rid of them in a way. I just want them to be gone and be attracted to only him.

Ever since I quit pornography too, I've been feeling dry. I can't masturbate here that well due to cold weather up in Utah, it's making me dry.

I feel so sexually frustrated right now it's irritating me.

I don't know a great deal about religion but his being willing to masturbate with a women he barely knows seems a little at odds with such strong religious beliefs.

I would also like to second what ifst5 said.

It really isn't strange to find other attractions even while in a relationship especially one as young as yours.

[Webgoji]

Originally Posted by BeteNoire

I don't know a great deal about religion but his being willing to masturbate with a women he barely knows seems a little at odds with such strong religious beliefs.

I would also like to second what ifst5 said.

It really isn't strange to find other attractions even while in a relationship especially one as young as yours.

I agree with BeteNoire; there's nothing at all strange about your fantasies. Seriously. Just take a look at guys with anthropomorphic women, the Internet, games and movies are flooded with blue girls with tails, little devil horns and sexy elves. Keep them. There's nothing wrong with having fantasies.

Now I can understand him feeling it's a bit weird. Not everybody has done roleplaying. So give him time. Keep your fantasies and don't pressure yourself because there's nothing wrong with it.

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by BubonicPlague

I am sexually attracted to angels. Especially the ones mentioned in the bible. I have been blinded by the beautiful western artwork depicting the archangel Michael, and I can't get over my attraction to him. I favor him out of anyone else in real life out of attractiveness.

It is taking me away from my new friend/potential date, and it makes me feel unfaithful.

In order to feel unfaithful, one needs to have a long term partner who expects sexual fidelity. You do not have one at this juncture. What you have is, as you aptly put it, a potential date. How can you be faithful to a potential date? How can you be unfaithful to a potential date? You cannot do either, because a potential date is just that.

Overall, the amount of self-criticism and the grossly unrealistic expectations you set for yourself are alarming. This is not good. You need to cut yourself not SOME slack, but a good deal of slack.

[lovefromdover]

Originally Posted by hamster-bamster

In order to feel unfaithful, one needs to have a long term partner who expects sexual fidelity.

It's not about someone's expectations, but about guilt for experiencing sexual pleasure at all. Guilt for pleasure not tied to regular partner is secondary.

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by lovefromdover

It's not about someone's expectations, but about guilt for experiencing sexual pleasure at all. Guilt for pleasure not tied to regular partner is secondary.

it was about expectations for sure, because the term used was "unfaithful". You can only be unfaithful to somebody. You cannot be unfaithful, period, but only unfaithful to somebody. Hence, someone's expectations define whether you can even consider yourself unfaithful.

There might be that generalized guilt you are talking about, but the word choice here is unambiguous - OP felt unfaithful to a guy whom she has not seen in RL.

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by BubonicPlague

Ever since I quit pornography too, I've been feeling dry. I can't masturbate here that well due to cold weather up in Utah, it's making me dry.

I feel so sexually frustrated right now it's irritating me.

in a hot shower, perhaps?

[lovefromdover]

Originally Posted by hamster-bamster

You can only be unfaithful to somebody. You cannot be unfaithful, period, but only unfaithful to somebody.

You can be unfaithful to yourself. This particular somebody can be yourself.

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by lovefromdover

You can be unfaithful to yourself. This particular somebody can be yourself.

I see your point; we usually say "true to yourself", though. "Unfaithful to yourself" is not idiomatic. I can possibly imagine saying "faithful to myself, I did ABC", but "unfaithful to myself" is simply too stunted.
Language, unlike some body parts, benefits from smaller size. That might be even one of the reasons English, with its short words, is the modern lingua franca.

"true to yourself" wins over "faithful to yourself" on brevity, and wins big time - the ratio of the number of characters is 1 to 2

[lovefromdover]

Originally Posted by hamster-bamster

I see your point; we usually say "true to yourself", though. "Unfaithful to yourself" is not idiomatic. I can possibly imagine saying "faithful to myself, I did ABC", but "unfaithful to myself" is simply too stunted.
Language, unlike some body parts, benefits from smaller size. That might be even one of the reasons English, with its short words, is the modern lingua franca.

"true to yourself" wins over "faithful to yourself" on brevity, and wins big time - the ratio of the number of characters is 1 to 2

Not idiomatic but symptomatic
in those faithful to themselves.