[freebird1234]

I live in the USA and am in a one year emotional affair with a married man in EU that I met on FB. We established early that we were soulmates. He says he loves his wife and family and now includes me into that circle of affection. We've talked every day, shared pictures, songs, etc. Past three months, he has a need to sleep with me every night and listen to each other breeding via free messenger on FB. He says that we need each other. Lately, he's introduced sexual pictures in our messaging and now wants to have mutual masterbation as a means of bonding and closeness. I need input.

[healingme4me]

Sounds like a tough path to travel on. Could leave you feeling empty, could lead to feeling fulfilled. Statistically speaking, more like the former than latter, but hard to say, you know your situation better than I.



Sent from my LGMS323 using Tapatalk

[Webgoji]

Get out of it. Seriously. You're trapped in an affair and I know you don't want to be that person. You should break it off completely and immediately.

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by freebird1234

I met on FB. We established early that we were soulmates.

How exactly did you manage to do that?

Do you yourself not see that it is a nonsensical phrase?

Another nonsensical phrase: " listen to each other breeding via free messenger on FB"

Was it a Freudian slip? I am just making fun of you - I realize that you meant breathing.

Reread your post. Reread it very carefully.

- he says
- he introduced
- he wants

So we know a LOT about what he thinks. What do we know about YOU?

"I need input".

My input is that he is like a puppeteer, per your description. But I think that this whole thing has been happening to you is actually terrific, because it has revealed, in a completely safe setting, something about you that would most definitely endanger you in other situations, because you let other people hold the strings. You need more independence, more of your own opinion, more of what YOU want and YOU like - those things.

No, I take it back. A puppet at least has her own face. The puppeteer holds the strings, but the puppet has her own face.

A better analogy for your role in this relationship: malleable playdough. Whatever shape he wants to form from you is OK by you. You do not have your own face or your own voice.

I would take this experience, from that whole year, to a good therapist. There is a lot of work to do for you, with the therapist, because that degree of passivity, flexibility, being highly impressionable makes you extremely vulnerable. It is like with people whose blood does not clot - they can bleed to death. You are NOT there - you DID ask for INPUT from neutral third parties and I applaud your decision to seek advice, but seeking this advice is just a baby step forward. You need professional guidance.

But reread the OP yourself - do not trust my judgment, but make your own. Reread the OP - it is short - noting the instances of "he", "we", and "I". I would be highly educational for you.

I would take the "thanks god" approach if I were you - things could have been much, much better. If someone in RL and not across the globe started telling you what needs to be done for bonding and you would have no opinion of your own, that would be much worse.

[LaraHugs]

1. the attraction of two people is chemical, called pheromones. people cannot (think) themselves into soul mate status ... they literally have to sniff their way to this status.

2. if a person cheats on another to be with you, then they will cheat on you to be with another. if this man is an emotional cheater, then this is in his moral makeup to do so, and so the next interesting person that comes along, he won't bat an eye to engage.

3. considering he is still with his wife, this means that she is his main woman. She is the one with a ring on it. That means you are disposable. If this man isn't coming across the big pond to come get you to be his, then that means he's not interested in "love"

4. there is a woman who is being used and abused, her name is "wife". when all of this is said and done, to whatever end it comes to - she is the one who will be emotionally harmed. so the question is: can you cope with being the abuser?

I would like to know why you only talk about what he wants. You say you want input, but, you never mention what YOU want or need. You only talk about what he wants/needs.

How can anyone provide you with sound and rational input if we don't know what you want, feel and need?

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by LaraHugs

4. there is a woman ... her name is "wife".

We do not even know if the wife exists. Or, if there is any woman in the man's RL.

OP said that the man wants to sleep with her every night. It is practically impossible due to the time difference between Europe and the USA.

When a man makes such glaringly nonsensical statements, how can we, or OP, believe ANYTHING else that he said?

[Fuzzybear]

idk I tend to be "non judgemental" .... I wouldn't do this myself but I'm not judging you

What do you want?

I wish you well.

[freebird1234]

Originally Posted by Webgoji

Get out of it. Seriously. You're trapped in an affair and I know you don't want to be that person. You should break it off completely and immediately.

We both have our separate lives. He loves his wife and family and would never leave. I have a life independent of him. However, our emotional attraction and long-distance "affair" is ongoing. We've decided that we need each other and that his need to masterbate is not morally repugnant to his marriage because he would do it without me by himself. It's something he enjoys doing (which is understandable as most men do). It's not cheating on his wife. Maybe, by having this link to me it avoids him from actually cheating on her in real life. Strange situations ... people choose in their lives.

[freebird1234]

Originally Posted by healingme4me

Sounds like a tough path to travel on. Could leave you feeling empty, could lead to feeling fulfilled. Statistically speaking, more like the former than latter, but hard to say, you know your situation better than I.



Sent from my LGMS323 using Tapatalk

It isn't an empty feeling. We both have decided that we need each other emotionally. We both have separate lives and there is no delusion about him ever leaving his wife and family. He's included me into his circle of love and I have included him. Our attraction is as soulmates for the next life... we are bonding now so that we will recognize each other immediately. The concern is that he needs me to sleep at night (while in bed with his wife). This is strange... he can't sleep unless we are connected.

[freebird1234]

Originally Posted by hamster-bamster

How exactly did you manage to do that?

Do you yourself not see that it is a nonsensical phrase?

Another nonsensical phrase: " listen to each other breeding via free messenger on FB"

Was it a Freudian slip? I am just making fun of you - I realize that you meant breathing.

Reread your post. Reread it very carefully.

- he says
- he introduced
- he wants

So we know a LOT about what he thinks. What do we know about YOU?

"I need input".

My input is that he is like a puppeteer, per your description. But I think that this whole thing has been happening to you is actually terrific, because it has revealed, in a completely safe setting, something about you that would most definitely endanger you in other situations, because you let other people hold the strings. You need more independence, more of your own opinion, more of what YOU want and YOU like - those things.

No, I take it back. A puppet at least has her own face. The puppeteer holds the strings, but the puppet has her own face.

A better analogy for your role in this relationship: malleable playdough. Whatever shape he wants to form from you is OK by you. You do not have your own face or your own voice.

I would take this experience, from that whole year, to a good therapist. There is a lot of work to do for you, with the therapist, because that degree of passivity, flexibility, being highly impressionable makes you extremely vulnerable. It is like with people whose blood does not clot - they can bleed to death. You are NOT there - you DID ask for INPUT from neutral third parties and I applaud your decision to seek advice, but seeking this advice is just a baby step forward. You need professional guidance.

But reread the OP yourself - do not trust my judgment, but make your own. Reread the OP - it is short - noting the instances of "he", "we", and "I". I would be highly educational for you.

I would take the "thanks god" approach if I were you - things could have been much, much better. If someone in RL and not across the globe started telling you what needs to be done for bonding and you would have no opinion of your own, that would be much worse.

Thank you for your extended reply. I appreciate your input. This morning was exceptionally interesting as are many mornings when he awakes overseas and says he loves me then asks me to stay online with him during breakfast with his wife and family. This need to have me near him is exasperating. At night he can't sleep unless I am connected to him via Messenger and only then can he fall asleep (apparently, next to his wife). There never has been an assumption of him leaving his wife and famiily... he is perfectly happy. However, the confusion starts when we have agreed that we are soulmates and will find each other to be reincarnated in the net life. While this sounds strange to some... it is perfectly within our belief system to believe this. I have a perfectly separate life as does he... however, we've agreed to include each other into our "cirlce of love" as soulmates. We share music and thoughts, pictures daily... and even have a separate FB page for only us. I don't feel uncomfortable with a married man saying he loves me because I feel it is possible to love many people in different ways. He loves his wife and would never leave his family... how ever, is it morally repugnant to tell another person you love them? We are kindered spirits, soulmates ... bonding in his life. I'd love to hear your input. There is no delusion on my part in having him leave his wife...I do't want him in this life.. however, the need to stay connected to him is strong and is it really that wrong?

[freebird1234]

Originally Posted by LaraHugs

1. the attraction of two people is chemical, called pheromones. people cannot (think) themselves into soul mate status ... they literally have to sniff their way to this status.

2. if a person cheats on another to be with you, then they will cheat on you to be with another. if this man is an emotional cheater, then this is in his moral makeup to do so, and so the next interesting person that comes along, he won't bat an eye to engage.

3. considering he is still with his wife, this means that she is his main woman. She is the one with a ring on it. That means you are disposable. If this man isn't coming across the big pond to come get you to be his, then that means he's not interested in "love"

4. there is a woman who is being used and abused, her name is "wife". when all of this is said and done, to whatever end it comes to - she is the one who will be emotionally harmed. so the question is: can you cope with being the abuser?

I would like to know why you only talk about what he wants. You say you want input, but, you never mention what YOU want or need. You only talk about what he wants/needs.

How can anyone provide you with sound and rational input if we don't know what you want, feel and need?

I appreciate your input. The attraction is mental, spiritual NOT physical. We are soulmates and empaths to each other... having met in past lives. By chance, we met in this life and immediately recognized this connection. He is perfectly happy with his life.. his wife and family as I am. I respect that and do not want any physical connection with him in real life. I have a separate life here in the USA also. We've recognize our need to be connected emotionally as soulmates. The problem is that he can't sleep at night (obviously in bed with his wife) unless we are connected via phone. Is this morally wrong... ? I don't know. In the a.m. when he awakes, he wants me to stay online with him while his wife and he discuss issues and hav breakfast and take the children to school. He's included me in his cirlce of love... is that wrong? His wife is his lover and best friend and I am included as his soulmate. The issue of him wanting to masterbate on line confused me initially however, he said he would masterbate twice a day without me... however chooses to do it as a means of closeness with me. I don't understand this and is it sex? I don't thin so if he would do it without me. He and his wife have an active sex life... so this does not take away from that. Maybe this is his way not to cheat on her in real life... who knows.