Any way to increase my wife's libido?

I'll try to keep this short. My wife has virtually zero sex drive. It's been pretty nonexistent since we got married almost 15 years ago. While we were dating we had sex quite often.

She did have one of her ovaries removed almost 20 years ago as the result of a tumor. I know that she doesn't feel good about herself and she's working on it, and I've tried to help her with that but it seems like nothing I say does any good. Sometimes (very rarely) she'll get in the mood and stay that way for a few days, but like I said it doesn't happen that often. Every time we do have sex she says how much better it makes her feel and that we should do it more often, but then it's right back to the way it used to be.

What I'm wondering is if anyone has any experience with any over the counter herbs or supplements that could help increase her sex drive? She's too embarrassed to mention it to her doctor so this is the only way I can think to help her.

There can be multiple reasons for losing interest in sex by either party. It could be hormonal but sometimes it is due to trauma earlier in life. Dealing with that can require a therapist.

But another reason sex can be turned off is because there may be a sense of no sensitivity on the part of the partner to their needs. A woman needs 1/2 to 1 hour to be fully aroused. Men can be ready in minutes. Without that time of hugging, caressing and eventually foreplay for a considerable length of time, a women can be left just getting aroused by the time a man climaxes. Having an afternoon with no interruptions or distractions just being close and caring and responsive to the other's needs can make a big difference.

If the man postpones orgasm by shallow thrusts and resting when getting excited, with both partners laying on their side, joining can be an extended activity that allows the woman time for full participation. The Tao of Love and Sex goes into very fine details on how this can be accomplished. It is a 3000 year old text but has relevant techniques and ideas of sexuality for a society with limited ideas on what intimacy is. Was available on Amazon.

Massaging her head normally helps. This releases endorphins or something and gets them relaxed and easy to have sex with.

Not trying to be funny, but some women find it a big turn on if their guy does some household chores a) the right way ie so they dont have to be redone and b) without being told to. Also clean up after yourself in the bathroom, you know what im talking about. Treat her like your lover, not your maid or your mother. Maybe you already do these things, idk. But you wouldnt have to help her with her "burden" of being a woman if you carried your weight of being a man? Maybe the burden is just psychological - is there room for both your egos, and therefore both your libidos?

No.

Flat and simple.

You can check hormonal levels and any psychological issues, but the fact is that women are extremely complex and I've come to believe it really has to come from their side. You can make a romantic dinner with candles and a romantic movie and it will be perceived as putting pressure on her. You can open doors, walk with her so you're on the street side for her protection, all the chivalrous things are just thanked. You can do foot rubs, but she doesn't like you touching her "gross" feet. You can compliment her and she won't take the compliment.

You can try strawberries and chocolate, Estroven, female HGH, soy, hanging upside down with bats. Anything that works will be specific to her and her only.

So first it has to become an issue to her. As long as she is happy with the relationship, then nothing will change. Then she has to figure out how she can increase her libido ... you can help, but it's up to her.

Pfft ... I think those things are just stories and legends. My experience is that cooking, cleaning, etc isn't so much a turn on as part of what a partnership/marriage is really about. Sharing the burden of daily life.

Yeah it helps if shes not a lesbian.

Lol, well yeah, there is that.

But libido and just "getting in the mood" are 2 entirely different things. If a person has a low libido, nothing will get them going as opposed to someone with a high libido, a stiff wind is enough. When we talk about them, we often confuse the two.

I already do 99% of the housework and yardwork.

Thanks for all the replies. I'm pretty sure the majority of it is because she doesn't feel good about herself. We are working on that, changing our eating habits and working out more.

Then yeah opposite advice - she needs more chores! Sorry! I just started swimming and following a flat belly diet that says to eat like avocados, nuts and seeds, olives, or dark chocolate at every meal, 1600 calories a day, 4 meals, 400 cals per meal. I dont really know if im hitting the calorie marks, and i have to not overdo exercise one day or else i get wiped out for that day and a couple days after. I never thought of discipline as not doing too much exercise, but otherwise i give myself the excuse to not exercise at all. Same with eating - if i undereat, i give myself the excuse to overeat - so i have to discipline myself not to undereat. And not to overheat outside. Those cooling neckwraps that you soak in water help..

Agree. If you feel like a skivvy its hard to feel anything much but resentful.