[Fuzzybear]

I married a man who is totally disinterested in sex? I've worked on this issue with one therapist and we didn't get to the root of the issue although we tried. Maybe it goes all the way back to when I was neglected as a baby and feel underserving of love

Or maybe it goes back to my bigamist father..... that I could only enjoy sex at all when it was frowned upon, ie outside of marriage. Coz Mr Bear and I did have an ok sex life...... until we got married.

I've gone off sex mostly too so it isn't a huge issue for me but it doesn't exactly help my self esteem. However I know I'm attractive, many people have told me so. Even my very critical father told me "you are almost beautiful"....... an excellent compliment from him, indeed!

[Gemstone]

(((( Fuzzy ))))

It seems my sex life has suffered since getting married too. Truth is, I don't really like sex much anyway, but his want for it has seemed to decline too.

Sorry I can't help much. I just wanted you to know I was listening.

[Perna]

Was he always as disinterested as he is now? Don't know how long you've been married but I imagine when you married him you could have been in a different place/had different reasons than you remember now?

Have you ever asked your husband this exact question? :-) I often ask my husband questions about me as I like his perspective (usually very loving, kind, and esteem-giving :-) and it often shows me things I haven't even imagine about myself.

[Fuzzybear]

(((((((((((( Gemstone ))))))))))))) thanks for replying!

[Fuzzybear]

I guess he's more disinterested now..... I think he worries about me

I do know he loves me (unlike my parents .... or so I felt/feel about the parents)

But he isn't really into deep discussions at all..... he's a scientist and he finds emotional discussions stressful

Thanks for your reply!

fuzzy i too am struggling with this dilemma. i was never loved by my mum or dad i was a mistake between 2 people who never loved each other. therefore my self-esteem and confidence are very low, i enjoy sex and would like it to be a bigger part of my marriage. it used to be good, now my sex drive is higher and it is always me who instigates it - therefore leading me to believe he no longer finds me attractive/sexy etc. i need this to make me feel good about myself, hugs and kisses are very rare from him even though i know he loves me. i'm just scared it's not enough, i need lots of affection to make up for lack of it as a child. hard times ahead.

love you, kerry xoxoxoxoxo

this is the kind of hug i miss, heartfelt - not empty

[Fuzzybear]

((((((((((((((((( jinny ))))))))))))))))))

Yes, and I do remember how I was surprised by how "slow" he was at suggesting what so many men tried with me the first time they saw me I thought it was sweet and showed respect.... he does show me respect. But as my parents didn't know the meaning of the word respect, I am only now learning what it means myself............ Yeah I should have learnt it before, I somehow missed the lessons though until they really really hurt

[Zen888]

((((((((((Fuzzzy)))))))))))

I think it's your husband that needs to go get therapy!

[Fuzzybear]

He does come from a very "repressed" family......

But then so do I, and a freakin dysfunctional family too

((((((((((((((( Zen888 )))))))))))))))

[Irine]

but wait..why are you always talkinga bout YOUR problems when the one who sin`t interested in sex is your HUSBAND?

you consider it your probelm then?

[Irine]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Fuzzybear said:

But he isn't really into deep discussions at all..... he's a scientist and he finds emotional discussions stressful


</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

i think that the problem may start here....?

[SecretGarden]

So....what does your husband say when you bring this up? Generally it is good to have this conversation outside of the bedroom when you are both relaxed and just let him know what you are missing and what you would like and what are his thoughts.

Does he masturbate? Is he able to keep an erection? How old are you two?

[Fuzzybear]

Yikes!!

Do you mind if I PM you with the answers?

If not, its ok!

[Fuzzybear]

Well yeah, I do think I am the "PROBLEM" though

Thanks (((((((((((((( you ))))))))))))))))

[Fuzzybear]

ok I'll try to answer

does he masturbate? No

[Fuzzybear]

And...... yes I am "paranoid".... this is not a LIE

I wish it was

Not that I really care about anything any more

changed for accuracy.... not that I want this pain any more, my pain, my life

[SecretGarden]

Sorry... I go to a different board sometimes that talks of these things more overtly so excuse me if I was a bit out there.

It is unusual for a man to not masturbate. Feel free to answer to the rest via PM if you would like..... or not....lol.... I understand but you two need to talk. You have a right to have your needs met. If there are any plumbing problems. well there are other options. ;-) and he can get looked at by a urologist too. But just talk a bit and see what the deal is. :-)

[Fuzzybear]

It's ok.... thanks for your reply!!

It might help for him talk to his doc and have his hormone levels checked. If his testosterone is low...that can be corrected.

I always start with medical...then move to the emotional stuff.

em

[Fuzzybear]

Thanks em... things are falling apart here but I'll see if I can persuade him to get that checked.

No one ever suggested that before, not that I've shared with many to say the least..... until now (and being a "bear" I didn't think of it......)

Fuzzy

[bebop]

fuzzy your hubby sounds like mine. it stinks but things with my hubby are much better now than they use to be. he isn't a talker at all. sex use to be great and often now it is great whenever we get around to it lol

[Fuzzybear]

(((((((((((((((( bebop )))))))))))))))))

[50guy]

Well, here is an answer from the other side of the subject.

I don't get enough. I dearly love my DW but, she dosen't give it up very often, or, shall I say as often as i want it.

No cheating here on my part but, I do like sex.