Some ignorant questions - please help me

I broke down sobbing to my T saying how I wish I was heterosexual. I identify as bi/pansexual.

She's cisgender heterosexual Christian. I'm cisgender pansexual ex Christian. My nation still criminalises homosexuality.

She asked if I was out to my parents, who are very LGBTQ phobic. I said I wasn't. She pointed out that they assume I'm heterosexual and already do not accept me or love me due to my personal beliefs (such as being an atheist, feminist, my liberal stance on LGBT).

If I come out to my parents, I am terrified that I will be pressured into diversion therapy.

I believe I am experiencing internalized homo/bi phobia. (I'm cisgender and perfectly ok with transgender people).

She also said it doesn't matter if I'm born LGBT or became LGBT due to trauma and that I need to accept my sexual orientation.

Are those ex gay / conversion therapy sites correct? Some of the studies they cite seem so convincing and I don't know how to evaluate such things for credibility.

My parents and many people including my psychiatrist (in a supposedly secular, but in fact very Christian mental health care system) believe that "non heterosexual sexual orientation" is due to early childhood experiences such as emotional neglect, various forms of abuse and other traumas.

Those ex gay sites sometimes have "case studies" of clients who were badly treated in childhood.

My psychiatrist has also suggested that I can seek out conversion therapy and that from his "20+ years experience as a psychiatrist, there are very few true homosexuals".

He thinks I am bisexual because I fear men and see women as safer and due to my child abuse history (he said so).
I know the American Psychiatric Association and World Psychiatric Association say conversion therapy is harmful.

I'm in the closet and I don't know any LGBT person without a history of trauma...(I only know 4 people because I'm very socially isolated)

Please tell me those ex gay sites are wrong... And link me to good studies because my parents will quote those studies published by ex gay sites...

I'm really sorry if I sound really ignorant. Sex education in my country's education system frames LGBT as wrong and even school counsellors won't talk about LGBT because it's against the education system's policies.

Churches run conversion therapy programs and there's no positive media coverage of LGBT. There's no anti discrimination laws etc too.

I'm an adult now but I don't know what websites are credible regarding LGBT research.

A quick search only gave me to some expensive articles, but maybe this will help VM -- A Request for "Conversion Therapy", Nov 14 ... Virtual Mentor . There are a lot of references which might also help.
#ICanHazPDF on twitter might be a way to get the good articles. (maybe this http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/24960142 or http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/24750074)

Now: Hi! It must be very hard to live in such a hatred environment. J
ust a thought of mine: Even if your sexuality would be a result of trauma, than wouldn't you need a trauma therapie and not a conversion therapy?

I understand that you must be under a lot of pressure right now. Please consider whats in your own interesst. And yes this can be "staying inside the closet because it's the safest for me to do".
You are great the way you are!

If you need someone to talk to/help for research/resources, you can always message me (nb-transgender, bisexual, feminist)

Love and support!

QM
First I'm so very sorry to hear about the situation you're in w/your family & therapy. It must be terribly difficult to try & find your own voice.
Second...I don't think there are ignorant questions. I'm hoping someone here can give you good information for you.
Finally, I can offer you nothing on the subject AFA research, but to listen to your own inner voice.
Many people go thru trauma & many handle it very differently. Don't label yourself to try & "fit."

I wish you perseverance and a tenacious attitude!

Are those ex gay / conversion therapy sites correct? Some of the studies they cite seem so convincing and I don't know how to evaluate such things for credibility.


NO. they are not correct and often rely on skewed, outdated and misleading information.

You're on a psychology forum which means to me that you're searching for reliable psychological information. The APA and unequivocally stated that Conversation "Therapy" is Nothing but damaging. If you see or hear of any therapist who claims sexual orientation can be 'cured' get far away from them.

Trauma can affect sexual expression but it does not create one's sexual orientation. A straight person might be scared off sexual expression, just as much as a Gay person will be scared off sexual expression but what does that is the SHAME that is bestowed upon them by society or the person who violated them. This does not change their true orientation.

Please refer to reliable scientific sources for information. Start Here

I'm sorry that your education system is so wrong about LBGT issues. You will have to strive to take care of yourself and know that it's not like that everywhere. That kind of misinformation be isolating and damaging. It seems to me that by coming here, you know instinctively that there's nothing wrong with your sexual orientation. it's sad that our families don't have good information on it.

YOU DON'T NEED to FIX your orientation. There is NOTHING wrong with you.

(This information below is from the link above. All of these statements were conclusions of decades of study by various world-wide accepted scientific and psychological entities. Check your sources, each one of these statements linked above - have sources and studies behind them. )

The American Academy of Pediatrics advises youth that counseling may be helpful for you if you feel confused about your sexual identity. Avoid any treatments that claim to be able to change a person’s sexual orientation, or treatment ideas that see homosexuality as a sickness.8

The American Counseling Association adopted a resolution in 1998 stating that it opposes portrayals of lesbian, gay, and bisexual youth and adults as mentally ill due to their sexual orientation; and supports the dissemination of accurate information about sexual orientation, mental health, and appropriate interventions in order to counteract bias that is based on ignorance or unfounded beliefs about same-gender sexual orientation.9 Further, in April 1999, the ACA Governing Council adopted a position opposing the promotion of “reparative therapy” as a “cure” for individuals who are homosexual. 10

In addition, ACA’s Code of Ethics states:
Counselors use techniques/procedures/modalities that are grounded in theory and/or have an empirical or scientific foundation. Counselors who do not must define the techniques/procedures as “unproven” or “developing” and explain the potential risks and ethical considerations of using such techniques/procedures and take steps to protect clients from possible harm.11

The American Psychiatric Association, in its 2000 position statement on “reparative” therapy, states:
Psychotherapeutic modalities to convert or “repair” homosexuality are based on developmental theories whose scientific validity is questionable. Furthermore, anecdotal reports of “cures” are counterbalanced by anecdotal claims of psychological harm. In the last four decades, “reparative” therapists have not produced any rigorous scientific research to substantiate their claims of cure. Until there is such research available, [the American Psychiatric Association] recommends that ethical practitioners refrain from attempts to changeindividuals’ sexual orientation, keeping in mind the medical dictum to first, do no harm.

The potential risks of reparative therapy are great, including depression, anxiety and self-destructive behavior, since therapist alignment with societal prejudices against homosexuality may reinforce self-hatred already experienced by the patient.Many patients who have undergone reparative therapy relate that they were inaccurately told that homosexuals are lonely, unhappy individuals who never achieve acceptance or satisfaction. The possibility that the person might achieve happiness and satisfying interpersonal relationships as a gay man or lesbian is not presented, nor are alternative approaches to dealing with the effects of societal stigmatization discussed.

Therefore, the American Psychiatric Association opposes any psychiatric treatment, such as reparative or conversion therapy which is based upon the assumption that homosexuality per se is a mental disorder or based upon the a priori assumption that the patient should change his/her sexual homosexual orientation. 12

The American Psychological Association, in its 1997 Resolution on Appropriate Therapeutic Responses to Sexual Orientation, which is also endorsed by the National Association of School Psychologists, states:

That the American Psychological Association opposes portrayals of lesbian, gay, and bisexual youth and adults as mentally ill due to their sexual orientation and supports the dissemination of accurate information about sexual orientation and mental health and appropriate interventions in order to counteract bias that is based in ignorance or unfounded beliefs about sexual orientation.13

The American School Counselor Association, in its position statement on professional school counselors and lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgendered and questioning youth, states: Lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgendered and questioning (LGBTQ) youth often begin to experience self-identification during their pre-adolescent or adolescent years, as do heterosexual youth. These developmental processes are essential cognitive, emotional and social activities, and although they may have an impact on student development and achievement, they are not a sign of illness, mental disorder or emotional problems nor do they necessarily signify sexual activity. . . .

It is not the role of the professional school counselor to attempt to change a student’s sexual orientation/gender identity but instead to provide support to LGBTQ students to promote student achievement and personal well-being. . . .

Recognizing that sexual orientation is not an illness and does not require treatment, professional school counselors may provide individual student planning or responsive services to LGBTQ students to promote self-acceptance, deal with social acceptance, understand issues related to “coming out,” including issues that families may face when a student goes through this process, and identify appropriate community resources. 14

The National Association of Social Workers, in its policy statement on lesbian, gay and bisexual issues, states that it endorses policies in both the public and private sectors that ensure nondiscrimination; that are sensitive to the health and mental health needs of lesbian, gay and bisexual people; and that promote an understanding of lesbian, gay and bisexual cultures. Social stigmatization of lesbian, gay, and bisexual people is widespread and is a primary motivating factor in leading some people to seek sexual orientation changes.15

Sexual orientation conversion therapies assume that homosexual orientation is both pathological and freely chosen. No data demonstrate that reparative or conversion therapies are effective, and in fact they may be harmful.16

(...)

As these statements make clear, the nation’s leading professional medical, health and mental health organizations do not support efforts to change young people’s sexual orientation through therapy and have raised serious concerns about the potential harm from such efforts. Many of the professional associations listed in the Resources section (pp. 17–19) can provide helpful information and local contacts to assist school administrators, health and mental health professionals, educators, teachers and parents in dealing with school controversies in their communities.

Thank you for all the links. I am reading them and I have also obtained a book by an LGBT organization (no "official" organisations allowed but this is a well known unofficial one) in my country which talks about debunking myths regarding homosexuality.