Not sure..

Like the title says, i'm not sure about who I am exactly, talking about sexual preferences.
I'm pretty sure I'm not completely straight at least.. but I don't if I consider my self bi .. or gay..
Nor what I can trust ... How much of this is because I was sexually abused for a long time by several men?
What part is me.. What would I be/feel if I never went trough those experiences?
What part is normal for someone of my age.. I'm 17, almost 18.
It's all so confusing..

Hello SparkCat: I'm sorry you are struggling with this. From my perspective, the short answer here is... therapy... with a therapist who is experienced working with people who have sexual orientation related problems. You're absolutely correct in writing that this is all so confusing.

I'll tell you a story... I'm an old man now. But all of my life, beginning before I even have reliable memories, I have struggled with gender identity dysphoria. Way back when I was young no one I ever knew, knew anything about this. And all talk regarding gender & sexuality was strictly forbidden. Consequently, my GID was something I kept deeply hidden literally for decades... much to my detriment!

A few years ago I happened onto the transsexual community that was on YouTube at the time. It absolutely bowled me over! I can't put into words the impact it had on me. There, on YouTube, were people openly talking about what I had been struggling with in secret all of my life! And not only that, they were doing something about it! For a period of time, several years in fact, I became absolutely convinced I was transsexual (mtf.) This even led me to attempt suicide at one point.

Over time, I lost touch with the trans community I was a part of on YouTube & it seems to have gradually disappeared for the most part. (Individual trans persons still upload YouTube videos. But there's not the "community" there used to be.) Anyway, as time has gone by, I've come to see my GID as being more one aspect of a broader mental health struggle rather than as the defining characteristic of my psyche, if that makes sense. So, over time, my perspective has changed although much of the inner struggle is still there beneath the surface.

So, the thing I want to suggest to you is that anything related to sexual orientation (or gender identity) can be very confusing. And I personally believe it is something that is important to work through... most probably with the help of a skilled therapist. I do think it is important to find a therapist who is knowledgeable & experienced in working with sexual orientation issues. A therapist who is not can do more harm than good, in my experience. It may be that, over the next few years, this may all work itself out for you on its own. But if it does not (or if you don't believe it will) & you're not already working with someone, I would encourage you to find a qualified therapist with whom you can share what you're feeling. I wish you well...

Hi Sparkcat. I don't post a lot because I am a hunt and peck type typer. I agree with Skeezyks about finding a good therapist.
I suffered from what some label as bisexual conflict when I was a young man. I was lucky to work with a good psychiatrist at that time. This was in the mid 70's when the gay liberation movement was in high gear in SF where he was located. He used Freud's theory to structure his practice. He told me once that all a theory is, is a tool to structure your work by. He helped me get things in perspective and to not take things so seriously. I told him about being taken to church every Sunday when I was young.
He told me to remember, cleanliness is next to godliness so make sure and use a condom.
For what it is worth, I recently saw a documentary on our primate cousins the Bonobos. This one researcher stated that bisexuality was kind of a way of life in the troupe. He when on to speculate about human sexuality. He thought that there was probably a lot of heterosexual people and homosexual people who may actually be bisexual but because of societal pressures they migrate to one group or another. That was his theory any how.
I don't know if this helps you any or just makes you more confused. Anyway, like Skeezyks said try and hookup with a good therapist. That old psychiatrist sure helped me sort things out.

I'm not against being gay bi etc, but I do want to know what I am.
And wether I think I'm something... or not.. because of the abuse..
And what is me, what would I be without any experiences confusing stuff.
I'm not sure if I want to go to a therapist or psychologist but maybe i should sometime..

You know, SparkCat... the thing is... all of this may just work itself out naturally over time. Personally, I would say don't get any more caught up in this than is really necessary. It is certainly possible to get really ensnared by it all. But if, as time goes by, you find that your sexual orientation is still troublesome for you, then certainly seek the services of a skilled therapist. You mentioned having been sexually abused by several men. Regardless of whether or not that is the reason for you present confusion, it is something that has to leave scars. That, in & of itself, is reason enough to seek therapy.

By the way, I don't know if I've mentioned this to you previously. (I bring it up a lot.) But are you familiar with Kati Morton's video's on YouTube? If not, you might check them out. I imagine you would find some of them to be most helpful.

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCzB...zlkRdDOSobbpvw

Hey Spark cat, Sorry your so confused,keep the therapy door open, but not until your ready. The thing is, not everything fits neatly in a box, sexuality can be a bit like that. Sometimes we are just attracted to a person, regardless of gender or what society thinks is right. I think life would be a lot easier if we cared less about labels.
Don't worry of your straight or gay or someplace inbetween. Make sure you choose to be around those who treat you right, and want your happiness too. That make you feel good.
Maybe you will decide you like boys more, or girls, or neither, and that's ok too.
But there is not much point in wondering what you would have been like if it hadn't happened, because that's not something you can change.

I really hope you find what your looking for, and I wish you all the best.

thanks for all the replies

Using the title pansexual is very broad and may work for you