Seeking information and advice

I havent been able to find the information i want online and im a bit lost as to where to look so i thought that posting here might here.

I am a virgin, and very very inexperienced in anything remotely sexual. My boyfriend is not. I am very confortable and feel very safe with him, and since i am the lesser exerienced one he is happy to go at whatever pace i desire and doesnt care that we havent had sex yet (weve been dating four months so not long but weve talked about it a few times)

So the ball is in my court, so to say, except despite me being very attracted to him and very fine with the idea of us moving past just making out, i cant physically get myself to initiate anything further. Perhaps its because i dont know what to do, perhaps its a confidence thing. Idk. But my body physicaly wont do what im thinking of doing.

Would anyone have any tips on gaining confidence or even how to start? Im so clueless its a bit embarrassing :/ i truly want to give more to my bf who is so kind and caring and patient with me, and i would like to take things further but i dont know how to start.

You are probably just anxious and everything will be fine after the first time. Maybe smoke some pot and/or have a few drinks to make you relax the first time?

Does he have his own place? Go over there one night after a long bath in sexy clothes with sexy matching underware underneath. Bring a drink to share with him. Usually, the right clothes, perfume, makeup, etc will make the guy initiate. You don't have to do anything but follow his lead. If a bf does not react to this, he would be the wrong guy for me.....

I have always dressed modestly so when I showed up on a date or at a guy's house in a revealing dress with high heels (I have never really liked high heels)--it was an obvious signal. If you also tend to dress modestly--you will be slightly embarassed by his comments but that is part of the "dance"--when you do something like this you are showing a vulnerability that he will appreciate....

how old are you.....reason I ask is that when I went to your posts it said in 2012 you were 12 then in 2013 your post says you are 16....usually how a person approaches sex with their partners is different depending on age....

example I'm not about to tell a 12 yr old how to initiate sex and for a 16 yr old I would say contact your doctor. they will explain sex birth control and so on to you...

something to think about....

in some locations telling a minor how to become sexually active can be a crime, especially online, which is another reason I don't tell people what to do about their sex life...

my suggestion if you are still a minor then contact your parents or your medical doctor, they will help you with this...

ummm do you realize you may be telling a minor to go smoke some pot or have a few drinks?

just a heads up their past posts mention pre teen (as young as 12) and teen ager as their ages.

I personally would not tell a pre teen - teenager to do these things.... the posters ages are somewhere between 12 and 16 or not. I found a past post that said they were 12 in 2012 and 16 in 2013. that tells me to be very careful of what I am suggesting because the poster might be younger than what they are posting or at the very least hiding their actual minor age.

It's ALL very bad advise. When I think about it--I put myself in some bad situations doing this. Sorry Ingalot--please don't do what I did--some of it turned out badly (and I was older than 18!)... Seriously--very bad advice for all unless you know the guy longer than 4 months and are compatible...I have very bad judgement and a list of bad things have happened to me because of it.

Im sorry i should have clarified, im 20. (The maths adds up i was 16 in 2013 and now its 2017 and im 4 years older) so fear not about criminality! (No idea where someone got 12 in 2012 from.... feel free to link me that post if you can be bothered!)

I am glad you are not a minor but want you to take my advice with a grain of salt. I really do have bad judgement in this area. Sometimes when you become sexually active with someone it strengthens the bond and makes it harder to leave. Make sure he is the right guy (analytically not emotionally) before taking my advice!

Ive known the guy for about two years now, we study the same thing at university. I trust him and have huge amounts of respect for him because of consideration hes shown in the past, checking for consent and making sure im comfrtable with certain levels of physicality. This is partially about sex but a lot of my issue lies in me not being able to initiate anything other than a hug or kiss and it bothers me to be so shy/incapable/anxious/unconfident

The first time is the scariest--the more you do the less scary it will be. Sometimes it can even get mundane at times (I have been married 29 years).

I would like to clear up the age issue that a member brought to light in this thread.

In Feb. 2012 the OP posted they were 15yrs old. "Hi, I'm from australia, and 15 y/o." It makes sense that now they are 20yrs old since it's been 5 years ago they made that post in New Members.

To the OP, it's very possible that you really are not as ready to initiate or have sex with your boyfriend just yet. That could be why part of you is resisting. My suggestion is that you take everything slowly and one day at a time. When the time is right, you will not question it and it will happen naturally.

Wishing you well!

I wouldn't reccomend your first time being under the influence.

Although he has experience, I don't expect that he's got everything quite figured out comfortably yet, or he could just be sexually passive as which would explain his patience. ((Or your boyfriend just happens to be a gentleman, and you should keep him!!!))

Having a reliable private place where you won't be walked in on, bothered, or having to worry about when people come in is important to relieving anxiety and allowing yourself to become comfortable with him in that way. I assume you're college aged?

Protection. Having the right kind of protection prepped, can relieve any stress ahead of time. Always use condoms, but if you're still worried about it breaking, (because it's your first time, and of course you are,) there are these things you can get in the same aisle as you buy condoms, VCF, or vaginal contraceptive film strips that are good in case things go wrong. Sort of like a pre-planned plan B. I wouldn't rely on them, also they do not protect against STDs. Make sure to read the directions carefully and place it in right BEFORE you get .... started with him.

Noise. In the off chance you have a private place, but it's not too private. A bit of background noise, like the TV radio anything, can help to make you less nervous, and help you maybe even to help tune out some of the panic.

Shave. Nothing preps you like looking your best. Plan to look your best by shaving, doing your hair, what ever you do to make yourself feel beautiful. The more attractive you feel, the more confidant you are. Don't forget your favorite perfume.

Finally I leave you with this, start at his waist band. He'll likely help you if you're shaking, (he'll help you in a hurry too!) Don't too much. Do your thinking before you get him alone. make sure this is what you truly want. And have a night you won't forget for the rest of your life.

Well put, I couldn't have said it better myself.