Tidal wave of uncertainty

Hi I decided to join this community for support with an issue I guess I have been repressing for years. I don't know where to begin but if I am going to be completely honest with myself I have struggled with my gender identity and sexuality for as long as I can remember. To make a long story short I guess I am pretty messed up. I am an only child and have held this as a stigma my whole life. My mother wanted to have a girl but I was assigned male at birth. Growing up I was timid and shy and at times I guess I have been slightly in touch with my feminine side. I was bullied a lot at school I guess for being timid. My first sexual experiences were with males unfortunately; one was a baby sitter when I was six or seven and the second was when I played doctor when I was ten with someone I thought was my best friend. During this second incident (doctor) my friend made me play a female which really messed with my head. I always liked females and was attracted to them but was scared or intimidated by them, I didn't loose my virginity until I was 19 but that was the best day of my life because I actually felt like I was a guy. I was married and have children that I love very much. Got divorced and then all those repressed feelings from my childhood hit me; I was lonely depressed and in need of validation and intimacy. I was never an online person but I guess in my loneliness I started chatting online and noticed I was getting more male responses then female....what is wrong with me? Is this even normal or acceptable?

((((( Veeda )))))

If you feel more attracted to and comfortable with one sex than another, then don't hold yourself back from having safe tests. Like: talking with another person about whatever; meeting them in safe places & enjoying one another's company; that sort of thing...

In the end, our children just want us to be happy and healthy. Same things that we want for them! Right? Whether another woman is right, or a man, it comes down to whether or not our children can handle seeing us romantically linked to another person at this point of life.

Imo, *that's* what matters. For me, nothing is more important than what my girls think. What anyone else in my family thinks: pfft! LOL

You do what you think is right for you. Best wishes to you!

Thank you for your response