What is wrong with me?

I just feel so horrible.

I feel so distant from my husband. We haven't even been married a year, but still, it's seems like he's sick of me already or something. I can't imagine what it's going to be like years from now. We're 20, by the way.
He used to cuddle with me, and sit with me, and was a lot more physical and hugged me, kissed me. Now, it seems like the only time he does it is when he wants to have sex. It makes me feel used.
I feel like I'm the only one that wants to be close.. even when not having sex. I come hug him or something and sometimes, he doesn't even respond, he'll just stand there until I'm done hugging him. Or he'll pull away because he's doing something or has to do something.
I feel soo horrible because of this.
I already have issues with sex because of how I was raised. I am pretty shy when it comes to my body, not to mention my low self esteem (I used to be overweight, so even though I only weigh 115lbs, I feel fat). Now, he's acting this way and I don't know what to do.
I try joking about it.. saying, "you only come cuddle with me when you want to have sex." Of course, he denies it.
He also doesn't talk to me.. I mean, we talk, but he never shares anything about himself with me. All we talk about is his job, sports, and anything I bring up.. and his response is always, "uh huh, yeah.ohh.. cool.."

Am I overreacting? Or are all guys/men like that?

I just feel soooo used. I like having sex, but it seems like it's always about him, and then I just lay there, feeling so used and unworthy.

What is wrong with us? Or is it just me?

It's not just you. I know exactly how you feel. My current boyfriend was kind of like that until I about exploded on him lol. Eventually I told him that I couldn't take not having that deep connection with him during sex and that I felt like he used jokes etc... to keep himself closed off.

Come to find out, his ex that he was with for 5 years left him for another man out of the blue. So he has a really hard time letting his guard down with me, afraid I'm just going to do the same thing. And one thing I've heard on this site from a few different people is that when we choose the person we want to spend the rest of our lives with, we're choosing someone who we want to grow emotionally with. That we pick the person who we learn how to open up with etc... So, just because he is like this now doesn't mean he will always be, or that he wants to be that way.

And, a lot of times, guys who are struggling with money or a problem at work will take their anger out on everything EXCEPT the actual problem. So, if a guy didn't get the promotion at work, you'll find him screaming at his 1 sock when he can't find the match - that type of thing. And it all goes back to allowing yourself to be vulnerable. Sounds like maybe he's just stressed?

But try not to pry into his mind - that'll probably just upset him. Try opening up yourself to kind of bring him out of his shell. If you suspect it's a problem at work then say something about your job that you think might make him say "yeah, speaking of work..." and get him to talk about what's on his mind.

Depending on how long you've been noticing this, I wouldn't worry too much. Guys are into 'doing' instead of 'thinking'. Still try and get to the bottom of this, but be careful how you approach it.

Hi,
sometimes in a relationship, one is more physical than the other. I understand how you feel. that you need more than sex and you also need hug and cuddles separate from sex. He probably thinks everythings fine because he only has physical needs and expresses them through sex. You need to have a nice talk and tell him that you want to feel closer physically outside of sex. Women are by nature more emotional and it's connected to our sexual desire - meaning the nicer the man is outside the bedroom, the more we will feel like having sex. Experts say that FOREPLAY starts long before the bedroom, via a hug/genuine kiss/doing something considerate/holding hands.
As the old saying goes 'the squeeky hinge gets the oil'. Don't nag him - but gently encourage him and tell him you need those things in addition to sex.Tell him you need more than sex. Tell him that for a week you and he will hug/kiss every time one of you leaves the house and do the same when returning. Sit together and holds hands or maybe give each other a shoulder massage. On nights when you're not having sex, just cuddle next to each other. I remembering seeing on TV that women are actually turned on when their man helps out with simple chores - encourage him to randomly do that. Hope this helps.

thanks...

Idk, I feel like he ran out of things to say.. He doesn't treat me badly or anything like that, but I just need more. I am used to talking about things, like religion, art, anything. But he doesn't seem to have an opinion in anything. I call my family to talk to them, and he gets mad sometimes and says that I talk to them more than I talk to him.
He was much more affectionate at the beginning. I was actually not very affectionate until him. But it seems like he's just not that interested in being close to me. The only times he does is when he wants to have sex or when he thinks I'm angry. If I am quiet and don't talk much or seem angry, he is all over me. But I'm not usually a quiet, angry person. It does seem that they only time he pays attention to me like he used to is when he thinks something's wrong.
It all really makes me angry and I think it's affecting our sex life greatly. I am shy and all this just makes it worse. I am resentful and I feel like a used piece of trash after sex sometimes. He gets so into sex sometimes that it's almost like he forgets all about me. And it's all on his time. We have sex when he wants, we'll kiss when he wants, sex ends when he wants. He offers to keep going sometimes, but if he's done and not into it, then I just feel awkward.

He's not really overly stressed. We talk about his job and he'll get angry but he gets over it.

Maybe I've become too needy...

But he's the only human contact I have since we moved..

As a guy, what I would suggest is that you get a third party to talk to him about the problems that you are having in the relationship. Right now, he might be emotionally incapable of talking to you directly, so getting someone else to carefully get him to open up may be the most practical thing.

He actually be dying to talk to somebody about this situation (but not you).

he offers to keep going, probably with all the romance in his voice of a mechanic who is doing an oil change? lol, that'd make me mad too.

It sounds to me like you have a couple of issues going on there.

First, it sounds like your getting over the 'honeymoon period'. its very normal for a relationship to settle into a somewhat boring routine, and lose some of its romance. it happens to everyone.

Then, you mentioned how you were raised. I don't know what happened to you as a child, or how you were raised but it sounds as if you might have some issues with healthy guilt free sex. That might be something worth exploring on your own.

Lastly, some advice i give everyone is COMMUNICATE. tell him how you feel, every last feeling. Lynn had it right when she said to tell him what you want him to do. Speaking as a man(i'm a tranny so, im kinda half and half) , we just don't get it most of the time.

If you resent him the sex will be terrible. terrible sex leads to more resentmet. you will resent him until you've both had open honest communication. Its a nasty slippery slope.

I hope this helps a little and I hope things get better for the both of you.

Well, I've tried talking to him.. but every time that I talk to him about something he's not doing right or something I wish he would do different, he gets mad. He always feels like I'm belittling (sp?) him or saying that he never does anything right.
I just don't know what to do.
I grew up hearing from my parents that sex is wrong and my own parents don't sleep on the same bed.
We've talked about how hard it is for me to get those thoughts out of my head, but as always, he only remembers what we talked about for a few days. Like sometimes I talk to him about something. He promises it will change, and it does, but only for a few days. Then it's back to the same old thing.

I'm just sick of it.

I feel like I'm starting to get depressed and I can't help it. I feel like crying and when I do cry, I can't even figure out why I'm crying.

I have no third party to talk to..

I just feel he makes no effort anymore. So I'm starting to make no effort myself. I know it's not right, but I just don't see why I should try anymore.. I just end up feeling hurt.

depression bites. just remember that if your depressed, you wont always see things clearly. You might be misunderstanding him, and its obvious that he is misunderstanding you.

I'm sure you know that sex is a good thing. I believe God designed it to be one of the most wonderful parts of existence. But when two people have trouble connecting emotionally, physical connection is a pain.

It sounds again like you have trouble getting him to understand how you feel. Maybe pop into the relationships and communication forum here, i don't know if you already have done that but there are lots of ways to change the way you communicate that can make a big difference.

you can't change him. but you can change you. the way you talk to him, the way you show him how you feel, the way you listen to him, the way you show him that your listening. those things are vital to a healthy relationship.

Maybe try writing him a letter. Often its much easier to say exactly what you want when your writing it down, and it gives you a chance to edit. Plus, it gives him a chance to read what your feeling without all the emotions of a conflict.

I have a feeling that things are going to get better for you. Your here, looking for help. You love him, and i bet he loves you. Depression isn't permanant. And communication problems/affection problems in marriage are very common. Dont give up hope God bless

I would recommend that you go to a marriage counsler before things get too bad. It does help to get professional help. You both really need to work through this and learn to talk openly with each other. Good luck!