My dream diary

I have a long history of vivid dreams full of symbols.

Yesterday I've dreamt about wandering around a shop, looking for a perfect hair dye colour. I couldn't decide which one to take.

Today I had a dream where my hair was completely changed. In real life, I have middle lenght black hair with shades of brown. They're wavy. In this dream I had very long, straight honey blonde hair which I tried to dye white.

There was a second dream, too. Very simple one. There was my apartment's window. Outside it was snowing heavily. I bought these beautiful, long, white curtains and set them to the window. Then I left the window open and the curtains just flew outside it to the snow-storm and got lost. Someone told me it's impossible to find them now.

The long white hair and the long white curtains are one and the same. It is sorta like setting yourself free.

Today I had a dream where I was at a corridor in my high school, it was a late evening. I wasn't alone, there was a girl and a guy that were in my class. We were talking about something and I walked to the window at the end of the corridor: instead of a normal view, I saw the landscape: Mountains covered in snow and a night sky. I was staring at it, thinking how beautiful it was, and then the girl started talking about her experience in the mountains, but the story was rather boring, I liked the view more.

Another dream was almost like a movie. There was some woman living in a huge house and she - i don't remember that exactly - kind of killed some older woman who could be her mother and then she suddenly stopped being herself and turned into the one she killed.

Yet another dream was about me having to play a scene in an open air theatre, where I was about to talk to some man and had to do some graceful moves, but it didn't go right. There was my mother watching and judging my performance.

Experiencing is much better than talking about it. You were looking at your own inner view and beauty.

In this dream you tried killing yourself and did not succead .

Maybe you were feeling self critical in this dream.

Today I had a dream that I became a hospital patient. I woke myself up in hospital bed, wandering what my illness is. There were two dates written on the bed along with words "avoidant personality girl" and "borderline personality", then the doctor and my father came, they weren't much concerned, she gave me meds and I"ve seen her papers about me that stated I either have Asperger Syndrome, some other weird syndrome or autoimmunological disease. I was taking neuroleptic drugs. Then my father took me to this big house with walls painted blue, the house was supposed to be freshly built by my dead grandfather (who is alive in real life), there was my aunt and grandmother inside but I got a part of the house where I was living completely isolated.

You are probably feeling isolated in a real life situation. Maybe feeling a bit isolated from yourself and within yourself.

This one was quite obvious. Yesterday I probably failed (from what I've checked) my Maths final for the third time (I'm three years ahead of everyone), which is required for university, which means that I'm stuck in life for good.

I dreamed of visiting my old teacher (the one I really admired, such a wise, charismatic person, I haven't seen her in 5/6 yrs) with my friend who's a law student. She was asking both of us how we managed ourselves in life and how's our career going. He told her about his studying and plans and I just stood there, reminded myself that I failed these exams and that the path I've chosen is closed for me, got angry and ran out of the class with years in my eyes.
Then there was these scene of me fighting, full of rage, with some kids at my other school, there was my high school teacher there and that was all quite correct, because I had a huge, rebellious break in high school, as I couldn't deal much with being worse and not coping. I already knew back then that I'm gonna have a huge trouble with achieving anything.

Also, yesterday (in a real life) I met two of my old friends and noticed that I'm getting fully sociophobic again. One of them was this guy which I had a pretty rough time in the past, because I was obsessed with him. I had a dream about it, too.

These dreams are your mind processing real life situations and your feelings in them.

For a second time I dreamed about children teasing and bullying me. I was laying on a table and there was this boy teasing me around, saying things like "Now what, should I spit on you?" It was somewhere outside, but before that I had a scene from my old house which I don't exactly remember. There was my grandmother and little me and I wanted to go somewhere but my mother forbidden me, then I wanted to go buy myself some eyeshadow or something, but my grandmother said no and told me to use some of her old ones.

Bullying is about control, thus the kid was trying to control you. Thus look in real life to see if someone is trying to control you, such as at work. You grandmother is wanting you to see things with her eyes. You are wanting to see things from a more mature point of view in real life.

Thank you for your replies!

I already dreamed about kids wanting to do me harm in the past. I think it's more about some part of me and my mind, though I still don't know why it's always a boy, not a girl.

Today I dreamed about the times I was going to school. So I was about to go to classes, left my flat which was nothing like my flat, but I suddenly found out that I forgot to close to the door, so I had to go a really long way back, then I looked at the clock: it was too late to go to school. I met some people on my way, but I don't remember exactly what was I talking about with them.
Then I suddenly found myself at school, we were going on a trip, yet I didn't want to go because I didn't feel right. I found myself in the city centre, talking to some girl, which as I later acknowledged, didn't exist at all. I was being delusional. The whole dream was pretty confusing and made me feel anxious about loosing my touch with reality.

The dream may be about a real life situation that you felt was not real, but an illusion.

I had a dream where I came to my family house (don't like this place very much) and found out my grandfather is dead (not very fond of him, either, very unpleasant man), he's still alive in the real life. There were some people coming to the funeral to the house as well, we were watching the tape he recorder and it was a pretty scary bunch of pictures I don't really remember. I was feeling terrified. Then I was out in the city and met two girls, one was my friend and the other a gal I don't like very much in the real life (her father is dead and it was mentioned in a dream), I was suppossed to help her organize some papers and then said "My grandfather is dead and I don't even feel sad", I couldn't wake any spark of emotion in me.

It looks like the feelings and things associated with him, are now out of your life.

I had a dream about visiting my father at his job near the sea side. I was walking with him and then I left him to meet some people. There was a group of boys and we were supposed to go somewhere. We walked through a small bridge (I had a problem with maintaining my balance and almost fell off) and then we were in some room, and a guy asked me to dance with him. In real life, I cannot dance at all. I agreed and it wasn't as bad as I thought, it was a fast, emotional dance, I struggled a bit with following him but managed to do it.

In this dream you were following your feelings. You struggled with your feelings, but danced with them anyway.

I dreamed about marrying one of my friends. Yet we weren't in love, it was kind of a "political" marriage. Then I had to take his surname and was wandering all the time how to avoid that because I wanted to keep my name.

Before that I had a dream about being on some kind of a camp, we were riding horses and there was a guy I once was in love with. I don't remember this part very much, but it had to be emotional, because I called his name in my sleep. Then I was also living in some foreign town, looked bit Scottish, and I was living there for many, many years until someone I knew actually came to visit me and see how I'm doing.

That might indicate the kind of relationship you have with that friend in real life. You feel the relationship is political in nature. You are not willing to give up your identity.

Horses are my dreams too. They show the power of your emotional relationship, and that you are moving on through life. In the last part you are checking in on yourself to see how you are doing.

Again I had this dream where I would go to Berlin. I dreamed about it in the past. Berlin in my dream is mostly this huge, dark shopping mall along with rail station. In real life I live not so far away from this city, about 5-6hours by car, but in my dreams it's much much closer and I feel this joy of visiting a place completely different, yet so close. I remember meeting some new people, hanging out with some extremely rich girl who owned a Porsche, I had a ride in it and remember saying to my father, who somewhow was there, that it's a shame we need to drive an old car and can't afford anything better. Then there were some things happening but i dont remember much, and then I would go to the shopping centre, bit lost, tried to talk to people but somehow they were speaking in many different languages. Then I remember meeting my mother and watching caged rats with her, and I opened one of the cages and two rats were gone and I started crying. Then some guy came and said "It doesn't matter, there are many more here" but I didn't agree with him and was very upset.

Berlin is a very rich, fascinating city, I'd always say I want to live there. Even the dream books say it's about financial well being, abundance for which you need to sometimes pay with loss.

I always isolated myself from the people I've known because I was jealous of their relationships with each other and their financial status, because we live on a completely different levels and I never felt equal, especially with my current underachievements. That came to the point where not single one of them cares about me and I see them hanging out together and stuff.

I had a dream I decided to drive, firstly a car, then - somehow- a motorcycle.

I have a driver's licence in real life, but don't drive because I'm too bad at it.

So, I was driving a bit, then somehow I left a motorcycle in the middle of the road and the police stopped me and gave me a traffic fine and I was very upset with this, not really getting what I had done.

You may be feeling that way in real life for some reason. You don't know what you done? Maybe a mistake at home or at work.

I had a dream - after being verbally attacked - that I was at a house party with a bunch of my old friends and that they were torturing me, one was putting some needles in my body, the other laughing at me and was like "fu*ck you", everyone was persecuting me in some way and I was looking for someone I could say that to in the crowd but after some time I wasn't sure if it all was real or I'm just going psycho.

In real life you may feel persecuted. Also you may be persecuting yourself internally. Do a reality check.

I don't remember this dream exactly, but it was something about my - currently dealing with cancer - depressive grandmother telling me she wants to get away somewhere, change her place. And then I decided to part with her and my father and went somewhere none of them could follow me. There were some fields and nature.
There was also another part in my other grandmother's house, but i don't remember this for now.