The self-esteem fraud.

Angie, what you stated is exactly why I think this person's beliefs are wrong. I posted a rebuttal to the thinking that self-esteem is earned.

Maybe Etienne hasn't come back because the "water has gotten too hot," you think? Maybe someone is going to interpret that statement as mean, but I don't know how else to say it... well... maybe they can't back up what they say; maybe their belief has been shaken? I, for one, am not going to worry about it anymore.

okay SORRY -- I should have just said 'sensitive'!!!! Poor word choice on my part! SORRRYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!

Sweety, my take on it is this; acceptance is the first stumbling block we have to get past. After accepting ourselves just as we are, we can start, little by little to improve our imperfactions and making them better. When we start to do that, that is the second step in achieving a healthy self-esteem.

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I accept the fact that we are right and we know what works for us
Anyone that don't like that can put it in a pipe and smoke it
Angie

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I don't base mine on what I can or can not do, I base mine on how I feel about myself.

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Hun, did you read my post, somewhere, that feelings are not facts? Self-esteem comes from what you CAN do, something about which you can say "I can do this good!" Remember, it has to be a positive, though.

If someone says something positive about you, accept it and make it yours. Don't argue with the compliment or make excuses to the person that gave you that compliment. Believe it!

Um... does that mean that you won't accept any new information about yourself, including the good things? It's just a thought.

THANK YOU!!!!

Emsky

P.S. GG - My sunburn is killing me.....

Hey BMBroad, I mean anything on the self-esteem forum, I will learn from them and use them to my betterment plfpppppp (rasberry to ya)
Angie

For some reason, I have been thinking often about Damon Runyon today, and what a shame it is that his short stories have fallen out of favor. He chronicled the "Roaring 20s" and Thirties: Guys and Dolls, The LemonDrop Kid (with Bob Hope), and I'm sure one or two other stage plays or films were derived from his work.

Runyon used to call "women of a certain age" (as the French call us) -- <font color="purple"> old dolls.</font> I think I like that better than being an old broad. Just a thought.

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I found once I concentrated less on the ever elusive concept of SELF ESTEEM and concentrated on UNCONDITIONAL SELF ACCEPTANCE, I felt positively free.

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Oh amen! That's a concept I like much better, too. And unconditional self acceptance doesn't mean you stop growing, either. Thanks for posting this, and good to see you, Miss Honey.
gg

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P.S. GG - My sunburn is killing me.....

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I'm a bit out of psychological sunscreen at the moment. Soon as I can, I'll ship some out. For the moment, have to rely on really big sunglasses and parasols. Gloves, maybe, too. Start a new fashion trend on the boards?

gg

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I don't base mine on what I can or can not do, I base mine on how I feel about myself.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Hun, did you read my post, somewhere, that feelings are not facts? Self-esteem comes from what you CAN do, something about which you can say "I can do this good!" Remember, it has to be a positive, though.

If someone says something positive about you, accept it and make it yours. Don't argue with the compliment or make excuses to the person that gave you that compliment. Believe it!

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The thing about this is, it's basing self worth on external things...what you can do, and what others might notice about you and compliment about you. Look at the opposite. What if you make a mistake. How does that not affect your sense of self-worth negatively, then? And if someone either fails to compliment you or says something negative, doesn't that also negatively affect your sense of self worth if you are basing it on external factors?

Miss Honeychurch's way of unconditional self-acceptance is an internal point of view. She's saying she loves herself warts and all. Accomplishment or failure. And if you love and accept yourself that way, it does give you the freedom and confidence to just be . It takes away some of the anxiety regarding what others might think or what the outcome of something might be.

Have you ever loved someone unconditionally? Maybe your child or a spouse? Or your God? Think about how that feels, and how that frees you to just love them separate from what they do, what they say, whay they believe, or how they act.

Has anyone loved you like that? Ideally, your parents should. This would allow the child growing up to have all the freedom they need to develop and mature without developing neurotic anxiety. Carl Rogers believed this was a big failing in parents (not necessarily their fault) that led to distress and anxiety, and perhaps mental illness as an adult. And it's this unconditional positive regard that many therapists hold towards their clients that is a very healing part of therapy, regardless of what you actually talk about in therapy.

I'm still working on developing self-acceptance, but when I glimpse it, I always feel better.

gg

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what you can do,

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I don't see this as an external, but rather an internal; the gifts that you have, whatever they may be. In other words, your strengths; such as being caring, being meticulous, being patient, being emotionally strong, etc. They are all internal and these give you certain qualities that, if looked at in a positive manner by oneself, promote self-esteem or self-worth.

There IS much to be said for "just being." It's really a good thing that many people don't know how to do. Back some years ago, I didn't. But having the ability to "be" didn't promote my self-esteem. I had to be convinced that I DID have strengths/qualities, I had to be made to see them... somewhere in there, there was a time of retrospection where I was able to internalize my strengths. Maybe that was the time I was just "being" but it also takes action on one's qualities to cement them into our subconscious as well as our conscious.

I think I was into some black and white thinking when I posted that. You caught me.

gg

LOL Join the club!

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mascot?

gg

LOL Whatever makes you happy.