I don't know where to post this

I feel guilty posting something like this, and for having these feelings. I think they are due to my extreme need to be validated by others, so it's related to my self-esteem. I hesitate to even say what the problem is, and I don't know who is going to read this. People from the PT forum will think I'm selfish.

The problem is that my session this week with my T was about the most amazing session I've had in 15 years of therapy with 5 different Ts! I posted about it and got some responses. Fine. But I want more. I want to keep talking about the experience, so I post more in my own thread. It's still going down the page. That depresses me. I even posted that I wanted to keep it on page 1 so I could keep the session alive.

I know that other's problems and new threads take precedence over my selfishness. Not being responded to by more people should not be a relection on me or my self-esteem. I shouldn't have to share my experience anyway. It's between my T and me, but instead I want to share it with the world, and have the world validate my feelings. Many people have read my thread, but I don't get comments. Maybe people think it's wrong that my T held my hand but don't want to say. Or they're jealous?

I need to not need the validation from others, but I do. I feel so selfish for posting this. I don't want to beg for the validation. I want help so I don't feel like I NEED it.

((((((((( Rainbow8 ))))))))))) Here's hoping that you get all the acknowledgement you can handle, and more hugs than you know what to do with. And remember to hug yourselves, and praise yourselves: for surviving, and for going to therapy, and for having a life, and for being kind to others, and for making a place for yourselves in PC, and for daring to try EMDS, and for all the other good and decent things you do everyday~! You are a good citizen and a role model for people in recovery~!! Hope to meet you online sometime. Gus

Hi Rainbow8,

All of your feelings are valid. I know exactly where you are coming from. I have started various threads that I have really wanted to keep going, but soon trail off. No one continues commenting. Sometimes our threads just trail off. I think it's just 'cause there are so many posts. This is a place to feel safe and comforted. So I would say post again...
You could start with, "I know I just said this but it's still really on my mind and I'm still working on it." I was also worried that people were having a negative reaction to my posts and that was why they weren't commenting (or stopped). But in truth I have found that other posters don't hide too much and will post just what they are feeling in response, even if it needs to be hashed out. I don't get the sense that there is too much judgement (perhaps mainly because we are all on here with our own vulnurabilities). When was the last time you decided not to post on something someone had written because you were feeling judgemental of them?
The thing about PC is how many have similar feelings. You're not alone.

Gus, thank you very much for posting to me. Have you been reading my threads? Just wondering how you know I've done EMDR, etc.?

Elana, thank you. You're right in what you say about posting. I find I can't respond to everyone I want to if I want to do anything at all other than stay on the computer all day! As it is, I spend too much time online. Sort of addicted to PC, I guess.

I think my problem is that I need/want validation from other people. A lot of it! I know in my heart how important my session was, and my T knows too. I just want the "whole world" to validate it. So, I have to work on not needing that validation from others. It's nice to have it, but not to obsess about it.

Sometimes although people do read whats written you just dont know what to reply. I know I often read stuff and go to reply but then delete it or just don't know what to say because even if I start off with words of encouragement sometimes by the end I am just writing of my angst and it defeats the object. The thing about this place is that by being here and being able to read whats others are going through its helps in that you realise that its not just you that suffering but also a lot of times it can be dispriting as the one abiding factor is that its seems never ending no matter how positive you want to be most of us feel like crap with a few normal moments dropped in. I am sorry to sound no negative

Hi (((((((rainbow8)))))))))))

The people that respond to you in my opinion are people that truly Care about you...."they don't know me" maybe not but I'm in and I think you did an awesome job at explaining what you feel.....

you really do, now believe it!

nice to meet you,
Crew