Feeling defective and inferior

I've posted over in the Psychotherapy forum about my cognitive distortions and screwy thinking. This is along the same lines, but I think it belongs in Self-Esteem.

Reading a bit further in The Feeling Good Handbook , I came to a chapter on developing healthy personal values. The chapter started with a list of self-defeating ones, about half of which I have. I ended up doing a cost-benefit analysis on one of them that has been a particularly persistent problem for me. Even recognizing it as a problem, I've never been able to let go of it. It was drilled into me so much, I guess.

I am basically defective and inferior to other people.

The advantages of believing this are:
<UL><LI>Keeps me humble. <LI>Provides a reason and explanation for failure. <LI>People tend to support and favor the underdog. <LI>When I do succeed at something it means more because of the personal defects I had to overcome. <LI>Association with others with this attitude - they tend to be humble and mostly nice people. <LI>Vulnerability is more appealing to others than winning all the time.[/list]
By this time I was pretty convinced that I have good reasons for considering myself basically defective and inferior. But you have to identify the disadvantages too:

<UL><LI>Continual self-doubt. <LI>I don't try as hard because I don't think I can succeed. <LI>Second-guessing myself - assuming that others know better and I am always wrong. <LI>Low self-esteem. (I think I started crying at about the second one, and had to stop and cry for a while by the time I got to this point). <LI>Defining myself by my defects/what's wrong with me. <LI>Disregarding or avoiding successes because they are incongruent with my identity. <LI>Feeling unworthy to associate with successful people because they wouldn't want me around. <LI>The kind of people who want me to be vulnerable are not healthy for me and will try to keep me down.[/list]
I still came up with 40% favoring keeping that belief and 60% that I need to reject it. It has been a strong one. But that is 20% more for rejecting it, so I have to revise it. That's the hard part.

Revised belief:
[b]Everyone has flaws and vulnerabilities. Nobody is a success at everything all the time. It's more pleasant to be around people who have humility, but not to those who are self-depracating.

That's a neat idea, Rapunzel, doing a cost benefit analysis on a behavior. I like when behavior gets divorced from my feelings a bit so it just looks like any other problem to be solved and I can think up ways and means to work on it.

Good post Rap! Good job! You are showing a lot of growth in a positive direction

(And I know you well enough personally too to be sure the above statement is not just bullsh**** or purely as a derivative from reading your posts )

((((((((((((((( Rap )))))))))))))))

Thanks Perna and Fuzzy. I thought it was effective and that it was pretty big progress for me. So I sent it to T. She accused me of plagiarism. Said that it doesn't sound like my own work. I told her I was using that book, and she keeps making me go back over everything that I send her and correct my cognitive distortions (which I'm still making tons of). I followed the directions in the book, but that's the extent of it. It's not my day.

(((((((((((((( Rap ))))))))))))))

Maybe your T falls into this category? </font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
The kind of people who want me to be vulnerable are not healthy for me and will try to keep me down.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

What part of healing does your T expect from you? You have to write your OWN self help guide? What book is she using, if any? Maybe SHE needs the book to read and learn how to help people heal.