Seriously defective redux

I am sorry to bother you all again about this. I hate to be a broken record. I continue to have a deep-seated belief that I am seriously defective.

I went to a depression support meeting, and the people there tried to blame my losing teaching jobs on kids today. Other people suggest it is ageism. I have studied teaching techniques almost more than any teacher I know. Yet, students do not like me and write not just negative but very mean things on the evaluations. The evaluations always count toward hiring/rehiring. I am unemployed and I feel that I must never go into a classroom again, because there is something about me that is seriously defective.

I have no friends that I hang around with or call me. Only if I call first. I do not even want to try to make friends anymore, because it is just a chance for some new people to find out that I am defective.

I can "know" that I am perfect child of God -- but that does not make up for being rejected in the here and now.

Five years ago, my beloved left me for another woman. He immediately moved from my life into his new life. I have been ill, unemployed, lost my home and had to find homes for my beloved dogs.

I feel that I tried hard to build a new life, and I took the most hopeful attitude that I could under the circumstances. Each time I get another job, I think this is the one where I will be successful. Looking back, I don't feel that I've made progress. Everything that I loved and valued in my life ended five years ago, and nothing has replaced it. Every time I get some hope, it is followed by more loss.

Perhaps that is all that is left when we get older -- loss of parents, friends, health, jobs. I don't know.

oh ((((((((((((((((((((( wants2 ))))))))))))))))))))))) *tears*

I read your pain in every line and I'm so sorry that life/people/circumstance has been so hard and ugly to you.

My hope and prayer for you is that you're given hope of happiness very, very soon.

You are cared for.

KD

(((((((((((((((( Wants2Fly )))))))))))))))))

Like KD, I too can feel your pain in your words. I am truly sorry that life has been difficult and feels like you are somewhat stuck. I also know that being depressed gives you all kinds of negative self talk and feedback. I hope that you can "see" beyond those negative things and find your shining light.....it is there.....you are not rejected everywhere....you have friends here who appreciate you for who you are.

Wishing you well and keeping you in my prayers.


sabby

Wants...I can identify with the nature of students these days. I am not, nor have I ever been a "popular" teacher, but since I teach middle school, evaluations aren't a factor. I do my job, showing compassion and insight, encouraging those who show talent.

I've noticed that in the college setting, a change in the nature of the teachers there, very markedly, since we DO have to post evaluations at the end of each class period. I feel certain this is because of the evaluations, which are given more weight than in earlier times.
I am speaking from exposure to the same professors over a 10 year period of time.

I think you have maintained your standards while the standards in the college setting have declined to accomodate students' opinions.

This past school year was the hardest I've ever experienced, and I left for the summer vacation thinking I should seek a non-teaching job. There is no recourse for discipline, to the point that one can't have a class. At my age, though, I don't know what else I could do!

I do empathize with you. I also respect you.
Love,
patty

Thank you for your kind words, KD, Sabby, and Patty. I pray that I can take your kindness into my heart.

How are you doing Wants2Fly?

I hope you are ok.