[Sadley]

Hello, I have had very very low self-esteem since I was about 5 years old. I have 0 self-esteem and 0 confidence in myself. I hate everything I am, everything I do, how I look, everything, and I can't make myself change. It is an absolute nightmare. I've been to individual therapists, an intensive out-patient program, a partial hospitalization program, actual hospitalization, support groups, etc, etc. (for depression, but it is all related) and everyone has told me I have to love myself before I can do anything else. Therein lies the problem. I don't think I can love myself. I mean, I hate who I am, I hate my personality, how I act; I feel like I am watching a movie about my life and not actually living my life. So, just wondering, any thoughts on this?

[MotownJohnny]

That all sounds about right, I pretty much could have written all of that, I've done everything but inpatient. And, I hate myself so much some days I can't stand it. Yet, I have another side of myself that is immensely proud of all I have accomplished in spite of everything I've gone through. That is the side I am working to cultivate, I want the other side to go crawl off somewhere, curl up, and die.

One thing I did that was tough but worked was to really push the envelope of comfort. I forced myself last year to do a thousand and one things, big and small, that were uncomfortable, frightening, and hard. And, each one which I was able to conquer helped me to move on the the next with greater confidence. And, as strange as this may sound, I got the idea from an episode of Seinfeld, where George Costanza turns his life around by just doing the opposite of his first impulse in every situation. I tried it, it really worked for me.

[MoxieDoxie]

and how does one find a way to love themselves? T says to accomplish small things and to get positive regards which leads to feeling proud of yourself, leads to increased self confidence, leads to increased self esteem. You have to be willing to try, to test the waters, to take small risks, to push yourself when you do not want to.

[greatfaith]

Stop downing yourself sweetheart. If right now you don't know who you are let me tell you. You are fearfully and wonderfully made, you are beautiful inside and outside, you are gifted, talented and unique. You are smart. You are special. You are a great person. You are loved. You are cared about. You are the best. Whoever or whatever you're hearing telling you all that other stuff you mentioned it's a LIE don't believe it because you're none of that. You are and OVERCOMER. Stand up my friend and say today I will live in victory because I am fearfully and wonderfully made I am and OVERCOMER! All my best to you my friend.You can do anything because you are a strong person say it and believe it because it's true.

[Sadley]

I'm sorry, I just can't believe that. I was made by some crappy genetics from an egg and sperm. Not everyone can be a winner in this life, someone has to lose, someone has to miss out and be left behind. I will admit that people tell me all the time that I am "cute", but apparently cuteness is not enough. I am ugly inside and outside, my thoughts wander into darkness, my face turns to stone. Gifted? Gifted with the pleasure of enduring this nightmare until I die a painful death? I have no talents at all. Anyone can do anything better than I can, it is just a fact. I'm not smart. People in gradeschool always called me the "smart kid" just because I was quiet and did my homework. I never got a degree in college, I never went anywhere with my education. Special? Funny. My grandma always said that I was special. Turns out I'm just another human. Who knew? I am a great person? I've said horrible things in the past, one time I was changing high schools and a girl asked me if I would miss her and I flat out told her "No." to her face. Am I loved and cared about? Or is it just an obligation upon my family to say they "care" about me just because I am related to them? If I was not a part of the family and they saw me walking down the street they wouldn't give a f. Some people are just better than others. I happen to be on a very low end part of that spectrum. I'm not an overcomer, I've come close to giving up entirely. I can't do "anything", there are plenty of things I can't do, such as grow wings and fly. I am not strong, I am weak. I can't even lift the lowest weight without hurting badly. I can't believe these things they just aren't true. You'd have to brainwash me first.

[Webgoji]

Originally Posted by MoxieDoxie

and how does one find a way to love themselves? T says to accomplish small things and to get positive regards which leads to feeling proud of yourself, leads to increased self confidence, leads to increased self esteem. You have to be willing to try, to test the waters, to take small risks, to push yourself when you do not want to.

But there's a cavio ... cavityot ... catch isn't there?

We don't live in a vacuum. I would offer that the key is to accomplish small things that don't require any input from someone else.

For example, you've always wanted to write a book. Great! You sit down and after a few months have an actual manuscript of a real book. You feel great. You created something that many people will never do. So you have a friend/relative/coworker read it ...

And they pick it apart making you feel worse than before.

I could give a thousand other examples, but when other people get involved, they will drag you down. Set small, independent goals and then reward yourself. Don't let someone else get involved.

[greatfaith]

Originally Posted by Sadley

I'm sorry, I just can't believe that. I was made by some crappy genetics from an egg and sperm. Not everyone can be a winner in this life, someone has to lose, someone has to miss out and be left behind. I will admit that people tell me all the time that I am "cute", but apparently cuteness is not enough. I am ugly inside and outside, my thoughts wander into darkness, my face turns to stone. Gifted? Gifted with the pleasure of enduring this nightmare until I die a painful death? I have no talents at all. Anyone can do anything better than I can, it is just a fact. I'm not smart. People in gradeschool always called me the "smart kid" just because I was quiet and did my homework. I never got a degree in college, I never went anywhere with my education. Special? Funny. My grandma always said that I was special. Turns out I'm just another human. Who knew? I am a great person? I've said horrible things in the past, one time I was changing high schools and a girl asked me if I would miss her and I flat out told her "No." to her face. Am I loved and cared about? Or is it just an obligation upon my family to say they "care" about me just because I am related to them? If I was not a part of the family and they saw me walking down the street they wouldn't give a f. Some people are just better than others. I happen to be on a very low end part of that spectrum. I'm not an overcomer, I've come close to giving up entirely. I can't do "anything", there are plenty of things I can't do, such as grow wings and fly. I am not strong, I am weak. I can't even lift the lowest weight without hurting badly. I can't believe these things they just aren't true. You'd have to brainwash me first.

So sorry you feel the way you do my friend. I don't know you or anything about you expect for what you have written. In all that said my friend I have great hope for you. And even if you don't believe in yourself I will believe for you that you will OVERCOME this way of feeling and thinking of yourself. Much love, Much hugs. Brainwashing NO! Beginning to love yourself YES! Take care my friend.