Boring person?

Well, I think I'm a boring person. Please hear me out. I've lived such a "sheltered life." In reality, I've lived a life in which I never got to do much. My family was really poor and I didn't get much of a chance to get out. Many of the parts of towns we lived in were too dangerous for kids to walk around. I wanted to do everything growing up. I liked going to parks, but my family couldn't afford to go out very often and spend that much time at one. Sometimes, they did. I wanted to try almost every sport, but we couldn't afford to buy equipment, and every family member of mine had depression and often didn't want to play anything. I usually didn't have friends outside of school, either. I wanted to build things like crafts, woodcrafts, and even goofily thought of learning about electronics. However, the adults I spoke with didn't share my enthusiasm. I wanted to play music... but my family couldn't afford music lessons or instruments. I tried playing music with cheaper toy instruments with music books I had bought at garage sales, but I gave up after seeing kids with real instruments playing. We couldn't afford to go to movies or buy many. My family didn't like board games or books. Jeez, I had spent much of my life growing up reading the same few books many, many times over. I was mostly bored, and spent way too much time thinking up interesting things to keep me occupied, something that's carried into adulthood.

Now, I just feel as though everyone has had an interesting life and interesting things to talk about, except me. I don't know much about, well, anything, except what I've learned in school. I've never been to many places, and I often forget what I do learn because I don't have the discipline to remember things or something. I understand how my family was. It wasn't their fault, and they had been suffering. It's just that I wonder how to become a more normal person. I don't know where to begin.

Hi Breezy, well you just made that thread interesting!! Really!! You've told us a bit about yourself, a bit about your background, the things you've had an interest in, things you're wanted to do, things you've liked, things you've done, feelings you've had.............and I'm sure a lot of people are going to relate to different bits of that as well!!
And you know, I don't necessarily think that people need to have done this, done that, done the other to make them interesting. You can still have a personality (a stunning personality!!) without having done...........without having money, possessions...........all of that stuff.
And your thoughts/feelings about things, your opinions, your likes, your dislikes, your passions, your goals/your dreams (whatever they are!!)..............can make you no end of things (as well as interesting!!) e.g. inspiring, thought provoking, admirable, respected, cared about...........amazing!!
And of course, you don't have to have "learned" things for those things to shine through!!
And even if you have difficulties in life, people can still look up to you, still like you, still want to be around you.......................
I suppose I can come back to.......if you want to do more/if you want more........perhaps look at exploring different things to do/places to go/things that might interest you............lots out there........but you know don't just do that because you want to be interesting, do it because you want to. Because you are anything but boring!!!
Alison

And P.S. Boring???!!! I seem to remember some excellent replies you've made on here before!!!

Begin with where you are and what you would like to learn! I found this book helpful: Welcome to the home of Barbara Sher's WISHCRAFT!

First can I say that you ARE a normal person. Believe it or not, your upbringing is quite common unlike the white picket fence 1950's life people broadcast. A lot of families to this day cannot afford to have a lot of the middle class luxuries you saw other children have.

I can relate to all the bolded from your post. When I was growing up, the park I went to often had shady people and my parents weren't comfortable with leaving us there to play all the time. The park didn't even have real dirt, or dirt for kids to play in! There were broken glass bottles everywhere. There were also lots of drunks.

My parents were also very abusive and harsh people. They complained whenever they had to pay for a field trip and would say how things were so expensive. After we moved we lived in a slightly better area which was even tougher because a lot of the kids had nice clothes and gadgets...things my parents couldn't afford. I couldn't be in band because my parents couldn't afford the instrument fees. I wasn't in sports because I wasn't athletic. My parents also didn't cultivate my interests and insisted on taking up interests they thought were appropriate, but I chose not to.

Because I didn't have many friends, no relatives around to play with, and my siblings were a bit younger I learned to develop my own interests. Unfortunately, other kids weren't interested in those things and I was labeled a "nerd" from a young age. But I didn't mind because I liked to read a lot, learn about science, and I would play with the scraps in the garage and experiment with making things even though my mom didn't like it. I spent a good portion of my childhood being bored and lonely, and this carried over into my teens because my parents were really strict and I couldn't go out with my friends much. I continued to be bored but less lonely in adulthood and now not so much. I still don't have any friends, except a relative and my husband.

Like you, I haven't been to interesting places or did anything "cool." When I was in college I worked many hours to support myself while my classmates were studying abroad, traveling, etc. I couldn't afford to do that. But I achieved milestones my classmates weren't-- I got married, was able to live on my own relatively well and learned a lot about the workplace and careers. I know how to manage a household and do my own laundry and believe it or not a lot of people my age don't know how to do that.

Now that I am older I decided if people want to label my childhood as "sheltered" they can. Then I give them a reality check and ask them if they think any child should have to live with what I did and they shut up. I can forgive my parents for being foreigners and not really getting the gist of the American culture off the bat and I tell people this. I ask them "tell me, how sheltered do you think I am now? would you have done better?" That gets people to take a step back and think about what they said.

There is nothing wrong with you. Adulthood is hard and there is a lot of hardship and suffering in it, too. But the nice thing is, you get to decide the type of person you want to be. You have the ability to take up whatever interests you desire, meet others with the same interests and go to the places you want to go. I really do believe it is a middle class luxury for most people to expect the typical childhood is having nice clothes, brand new instruments for band, going on cool vacations every summer and spring break, living in a fancy house or able to toy with interests and build cool things. You weren't sheltered by any means. Neither was I. We both had to learn from a very young age about the harsh realities of life, and I think that is something we are to be grateful for. A lot of people around our ages get a big reality check and crumble when any sign of hardship goes their way, but you and I have seen tougher.

Thank you Frankbtl. You're completely right. How could I forget that despite how I was brought up, I'm still "me." Humans may be flawed, but they're still living beings with feelings, a rare commodity in the universe. I do still have a personality, and have opinions on everything that's different than others.

Hello Strive4health, thank you for sharing your experience. I really did connect to it. Sometimes just talking about it helps, as it does for me. It's nice to know I'm not alone in this, and growing up without a ton of opportunities does affect you. I do think it's taught me a lot of lessons on reality, as it has for you. It does teach you to be stronger after set-backs. As a kid, I sometimes even did things without telling my parents, such as going outside and doing things. Nothing bad, but just because they didn't want to deal with keeping an eye on me. I can totally understand how it is to not have a lot of people to hang around. That has setbacks. In my situation, I was the youngest in my family. My older siblings didn't want to keep an eye on me and were to be avoided. I was sort of like an outcast in social situations. Sometimes I had friends and was a little popular, but I didn't visit my friends outside school, except once as a kid. The other kids usually didn't like how I was "different" and "strange." That shortened my opportunities to do things with others. Sometimes I felt very embarrassed being poor, especially when my family was really hurting financially, but I gained better beliefs for it, and learned how wrong it is to be shallow. Also, I think having little to do gives you much more time for introspection, and I grew much stronger in my beliefs. As an adult, I'm attending college now. I do feel much stronger, and I don't back down like other people might. I have learned that no one is all powerful, and to handle everything carefully. I agree with what you said. When I have trouble, I feel okay, even if I don't know the outcome.

On another note, it's sad how a lot of children growing up poor have a higher chance of not being successful later in life. I guess just for having more money, a child has more opportunity to get out more and do things, or at least feel more confident. Being poor can wear on self-esteem early on by shallow people. Also, there are some really great people who have come from middle and upper-class families, just as in poor families. It makes me think that the support they received makes a difference, and some people decide to hold on and be hopeful.

What I try to remember is our experiences help us manage our expectations better in adult life. I am not much of a "dreamer" because I've learned having appropriate expectations is better than thinking about nebulous goals which may or may not happen. It's also helped me have realistic expectations about other people.

To this day, I still feel like an outcast. My siblings are younger than me and bonded together better than they ever did with me. They're also closer in age so it may have to do with that. However, I was the odd one out because I lived far from the family who were closer to my age. When I reached young adulthood, I couldn't relate to a lot of the other people who were 20-21. Most of the people I got along with were older, and I think my "old soul" and mature mindset was the reason why. Now, when I join groups and talk to people I am aware I can't relate to a lot of their experiences. I don't know what it was like to go on family vacations because my parents couldn't afford it. I never went to summer camp, or joined the Girl Scouts. I didn't participate in extra-curriculars because my parents couldn't afford it. It was what it was. There's nothing wrong in admitting that.

Even though my past may have limited me, as an adult I have so many more doors open. I decided a few months ago-- as in really decided and got fed up-- that I was not going to allow my past or people now to limit me in what I want to do. I spent too many years being limited and I am going to go out and do what I think is fun and enjoyable and will lend to healthy mental health. I didn't have those options as a child and if you ask me I wouldn't want to relive childhood.

You have mentionned some great ideas in your opening post. Why not do the things you always wanted to do as a kid? Whether sports or academic activities or a bit of both? You have so many interests that you seem to be able to have a full life if you went for them now. I realise you are limited a bit when it comes to remembering what you learned. You learn at a slower pace than. Learn a bit here and there and over time it amounts up. It just might make you feel better about yourself in the end.

Thank you for your responses. It's really nice to know there's nothing wrong with being this way, as I'm learning. I've been making an effort to do things I wanted to as a kid, which is really fun. It can be hard to remind myself to make an effort, and that I'm no longer limited in what I can do, but I'm getting there.

Even though you couldn't do everything you wanted when you were younger, your life is your own and it's never to late to enjoy even the little things. Your life is what you make it. You don't need lots of money either. Buy some books on clearance, take them to a park in a safe part of town and spend and afternoon reading. Most sizable towns have museums and events that are free to the public.

I have the same opinion for my own self,i believe other people see me as boring so that after awhile try to avoid me or be indifference.

-I don't have job,i don't have friends,i don't have interests,i don't have girlfriend,i don't drive,i don't talk much,i don't have money,i'm not going out etc.

Hi Sacrad Path, if you think people avoid you because you're boring, is this because you aren't talking about yourself much? Because that can be caused by nervousness or just by being a quiet person, not being boring. I'm starting to realize I'm not such a boring person myself, although I was afraid I was at first. There is always a ton of reasons why people may not want to be around others, but I don't think someone being boring is one of them.

I'm sorry you don't have a job. You might want to talk about it on the work and careers forum to ask advice. Honestly, I don't think working actually makes a person less boring . If anything, it makes you more boring. I barely ever talk about my day-to-day activities at work with people, because it's a really boring subject, lol. Of course, unless you had a really exciting job.

About not having friends, that doesn't stop you from making any. If you feel you don't have much to talk about, it may mean because you're just not talking to the "right" people and maybe you might want to gain some more interests. I'm sure you already have some interests that you may have put in the back of your mind. I think posting here on PC is one. I truly believe interests are things that are built over time. Plus, if you get involved in things like projects or hobbies, you have the chance to meet people who enjoy the same things you do.

About not having a girlfriend, I wouldn't even worry about that. I believe that girlfriends and boyfriends aren't commodities, but life choices. Plus, there are a lot of negatives that come with dating, so it's not all flowers and daisies. For one, I believe that you do lose at least some of your freedom. Second, there's supporting the relationship and making time for it. Third, there's the fact that you may at one point find that's it's not working out. Fourth... Well, I think it takes a lot of work. Also, you could use this time without a girlfriend to build your own interests and self-esteem.

About not driving, it means people can't use you for rides . However, it also might mean you can't take yourself out to places you want to go. It always depends on circumstances. If you get around fine anyways, I don't see this as a problem. For example, it can be very healthy not to have a car if it means you walk more.

About not having money, there are a lot of things can do be done very cheaply or for free. Money's good to help you get out more, however. Writing can be done for free, and so can visiting a library and checking out books. Do you have any local clubs you can join? There can be a lot of things that can be done online, as well. For example, I'm sure there are lessons online for dancing and how to program. Have you heard of Coursera? It's a site that provides free online courses from universities, colleges, etc. Here's the link: https://www.coursera.org/course/datascitoolbox.

I wouldn't be so hard on yourself.

Hi,yeah its true i don't like talking much about myself,secretive and closed,the reasons are cause i have bad feelings and emotions i don't want let other people see.So trying hiding.


I am rejected and abandoned 10 years from some friends i knew,after that i frustrated so i couldn't create or keep any kind of friendship,nobody never calls me to go out with and have some fun,my phone is most time off cause nobody gonna call me or send me message. I couldn't manage it anymore so i isolated alone.

It's just a real shame i don't have any girlfriend in the age i am,someone may can think that i am moron or a stupid shy guy. It's similar situation with no having friends.

It's not so funny,its a problem when you have driving license and you have insecurities to take a car and drive out there cause you fear you will cause damage or collision.

hi!
been reading all of the posts now… very interesting. (and it didn't sound like you were boring.)

I think about myself I'm very boring to other people. I did have a very sheltered childhood. (my parents were neither rich nor poor.) and that also makes me feel very boring. like I have heard a lot from friends telling me I don't know anything about life and I cannot talk about things I know nothing about.

a good childhood doesn't guarantee at all you'll be an interesting person.
If I look at things that I've tried in my life it doesn't seem so boring. but I'm a boring person to be with and I don't think anything I can tell would change that.
people don't enjoy listening to me. everything I thought was an exciting story or a shared interest starts to sound totally boring and turns into a plain annoyance when I start talking about it. so I try to shut up and listen to the other people instead. (which is sometimes very boring to me) I've heard a lot that this was something to do to become more liked. but what happens is that people don't even notice I'm there.

even if I have a shared interest with someone the moment we start talking it turns out the other person knows a lot more and I cannot even respond to what he tells because I haven't done enough research.
I feel many things could be interesting to me but I don't have the capacity to study all there is about a certain subject. I cannot keep reading such a long time or watch so many movies because too much input overwhelms me and I need some time to reflect.

generally too much input overwhelms me and that's why it's not fun being with me. That is something that will never change. I'll always need a long coffee break and sit down in a calm place even when being on holiday in the most exciting place in the world. I'll always be slow and need a lot of time to take all the information in. no way I could turn into an extrovert entertaining charming person!

that makes me feel very uneducated although I don't think I am.
I actually think I am quite intelligent (yeah I shouldn't say that about myself) and I like to discuss. especially difficult abstract ideas. a discussion can be like a game, not serious but entertaining.
but nobody likes that! !!!

not even people claiming to be so intellectual. there are many that like the image of being an intellectual person and spend time in coffee places to discuss philosophy. but they don't do it. they just say they were doing that.
they just throw some book titles at me they've read and show me that I don't know anything instead of having a discussion.

I guess I do also have some very specific interests that probably nobody shares and i chose to not talk about. for example I think I have a very strange taste in some things so I should not tell anyone if I ever want to be a part of society.

so secretly I think I am not so boring. but I am like a sleeping pill for everyone who meets me.

Anything I could do? (seek people with same interest doesn't seem to be working)

Hi Sacred Path, there is much more to you I didn't know from your post. I don't know what kind of emotions you've been having, but have you seen a therapist about this?

I'm really sorry to hear that about your friends. Friends can take our feelings with us and bring them down when they ignore or abandon us. Honestly, if they just abandoned you, than I wouldn't consider them good friends. Maybe you should start a new thread about this in the relationships forum? I think it could help.

Do people ask you if you have a girlfriend? It's really none of their business, because they won't be the ones supporting the relationship. I think finding girlfriends follows the same lines as finding friends. Maybe you could also start a thread about this? The reason I say so is because I have no experience with dating, and people who do will have more advice to give.

I'm real sorry. I didn't know the reason you didn't drive. If that's the case, I can understand if you don't want to drive or can't drive.

Hello flours,

About the friends telling you that you don't know anything about life, that doesn't sound very nice . I don't know what kind of social situations they say this in, but it sounds like something someone would say to either bring someone else down or if they're offended, which it doesn't sound like you'd be the type of person to say anything offensive. Perhaps it's a subject they are very proud of. I notice this with a lot of people myself.

I feel that a lot too. I think it's about choosing the right people to talk about the subject too. I feel like the moment they start looking or acting bored is when you need to change the subject. It even sounds like there's something else going on, like they weren't used to you talking before and are surprised, or their the "popularity" minded people. Well, just a guess.

I really understand this. I often have to switch between subjects when studying because my mind goes off into the subject and doesn't come back for long enough to continue concentrating . I'm sure there are some people out there who don't know the subject as much as you, and when they become quiet, they may also be feeling embarrassed they don't know as much. When you don't know as much about the subject as someone else, can you tell them you don't know a whole lot about it and ask them to explain more to you?

Same with me. I think the people who re-energize alone are the minority in the world. If I talk to long, I need a break for a while.

Same with me! Whenever I do this, people treat me like I'm trying to compete with them or something... Or they think the topic is too strange. I think there are people out there who like to talk about abstract topics, but it'd probably take some searching.

I think the same thing about those people, but I also think, "Whatever floats their boat." I guess they're happy doing that, but it's sad that you can't have a truly deep discussion with them. I think they still feel a little insecure about what they believe or feel they are exactly right without a doubt, and get somewhat angry when someone wants to discuss their beliefs with them in order to have a deep, meaningful conversation, because they feel it might make them look bad or something .

Well, I used to feel the same way, but I'm trying to get over that. I think everyone has a least one very strange taste in something. Maybe you can find an online group for people interested in these things? I feel that as long as you aren't hurting yourself or anyone else, than whatever "strange" taste you may have is fine.

I feel like the best advice I could give is that to continue to find people who you like to talk to, even if it hasn't worked so far. I think the best thing is to talk to a lot of people, the more the better, in order to find that tiny minority who you like and can talk well to. Of course, I may be wrong, but that is my advice. I know most people only have a few or even one close friend rather than a lot of acquaintances, so it may take some time.

hi Breezy~Day,

thanks for your post!
I guess I have some social issues rather than actually being boring. but thats anyway related.
meeting more different people is a good advice.
it's really nice of you to take so much time to answer all these details.

really must say you don't seem to be boring at all. you have all these things in mind that you wanted to do when you were younger. even if you haven't done any of it yet, you still can if you like. but more important is you seem to be interested in things which is kind of the opposite of being boring.
also the way you're writing sounds very clever and understanding.
maybe you're just bored yourself and like some change?

They often say to me that i am too quiet and i don't talk much,i understand how they see me but i can't react when i don't have anything interesting to say about my self.

I am a curious person. Even so, I frequently am told I am boring. I understand why they say that. Chit chat is not my forte.

I dont think you sound like a boring person ! A bit down on yourself maybe but not boring. I know how it is when the people around you dont seem to have many interests. Im a brainy type who is fascinated by many subjects. Science, nature, nutrition, language and cultures and traveling. But its hard being 21 knowing every one else my age would consider a discussion on these things painfully boring lol. So I sympathize.I also have so many hobbies and skills I want to experiment with but alas I have no money, it can be frustrating, I know.

I think glok and summerblueskies make a good point in that are many different types of people. Food for thought: you may be a unique person who doesn't talk as much, Sacred Path, which is a good thing. There are also people out there who are talkers, and there are people out there who are listeners.

Hello:
I don't give advise so, if I were in your situation, and I was, I'd start from where I am right now and begin figuring out how to have a more interesting and fulfilling life. I had a lot of trouble finding things to do and be interested after I left home but slowly began to find friends and opportunities to get out there and find a life I like. I did a lot of odd jobs, played some music for $$ and went into the Army at about 19 which really opened up a large world to me. I went to Europe, traveled around a lot over there and have done a lot of the things I wanted to do as a child but my best move was to get into 12 step support groups thanks to unhealed childhood issues from my "poor" family. Those support groups really opened me up and life has been ever upwards ever since. I am still not as BIG and IMPORTANT as I once wanted to be BUT life is pretty darned good and most if not all of my early childhood sadness and pain is GONE now! I wish I could tell you of a lot more things you could or should do but I don't give advise - just my own experiences for you to observe and maybe get some ideas from. I was very timid and frightened most of my life BUT strong friends and a desperate need to get beyond my family restrictions drove me to look around and find things to do or become.
One of my best friends introduced me to Hindu spirituality and teaching which is a powerful and magical thing - like Advaita Vedanta, Meditation & Yoga. Look up Deepak Chopra for starters. IMO, There's a huge, interesting and MAGICAL world out there!
good luck,
jim

Just because you've not done much with your life doesn't make you a boring person. You mentioned that you feel like everybody else has done so much and due to your families financial situation you weren't able to do those things and that make you boring, that simply isn't true, I know people who've achieved more that I ever will or want to achieve and every time I speak to them they send me to sleep...borrrrrrrring.

As this is one of your concerns I'd suggest you read How To Win Friends and Influence People. That should shed a whole new light on the way you're thinking. You're not boring because of what you've done in your life, People like people like themselves not for what they've done throughout their whole life.

You're perfect just the way you are, you just need to believe it.