[Emilie]

I've had many friends in my life but it seems to me that I always get back stabbed. What I mean, is that people pretend to be my friend cause they either feel sorry for me or they just want me to be their friend cause their shallow and just think of me as a number.

Anyways I just found out that one of my friends(who I thought actually liked me) is trying to ignore me away lol Cause they have been ignoring me for about couple months now and I can't help but think that maybe I made them run away. Cause I admitted to them that I had a depression illness and such-now I didn't mean to admit it, it just sort of slipped out. Anyways, I can't help but feel it was my fault.

I admit, that I'm a fruit now and then lol but am I really that strange that I make my own friend(supposedly) run for the hills? Or make them feel embarrassed to know me? Oh well, one friendship lost won't change anything-my life is already boring lol

[Hopefull]

I doubt that you are a fruit! I don't share my diagnostic code with any fruits (depression, dysthymic disorder). I highly suspect that noone else on this forum is a fruit.
If your friend ran off because you slipt and mentioned that you have trouble with depression, then he/she might need an education on mental health issues. It is absolutely surprising how many people, especially women, who have problems with depression. Depression is the most common of the "mental disorders."
If they left for some other reason, then you can still find friends elsewhere (although it will probably be hard).
Are you working with a T on any of this? I hope you can find some other friends and build a good relationship with them.

[Emilie]

Thanks, I do have one best friend and she also knows of my depression illness(not that much though-I tend to keep my personal problems to myself) so I guess having one very good friend will have to do ^.^ Even though my mum and family members want me to try to have more then one friend lol

[sabby]

Hi Mally!

Sometimes people don't know what to say to folks when they've been told about an illness. That can go with any illness whether mental or physical. They may be afraid to ask questions because they don't want to hurt you or trigger you. They may not have any understanding of the illness. And sometimes, they may think that if you are depressed, you will make them depressed. Of course, this is not always the case.

I can understand your family wanting you to have more than one friend. It's in having many different kinds of friends that teach us about human nature, likes and dislikes and how to get along with one another. At the same time, having one good friend in your life is a blessing and should be cherished

It sounds as if you are fairly young and have a lot to discover in life still. Things will ebb and flow for you (as they do everybody). I think you and many others would be surprised to know how many suffer from depression at times in their lives. It certainly isn't the end of the world Nor is it necessarily your fault that friends come and go out of your life. That is the cycle of life

I wish you well!

Hugsss
J

[Wants2Fly]

Hi Mally and Welcome -- I agree with what Sabau wrote. Good luck with this.

[Rapunzel]

I think that the only way to lessen the stigma will be for more of us to be open about having mental illnesses, so that people can start to see that we aren't the stereotyped crazy people, needing to be locked up somewhere, or incapable of doing things for ourselves. We need to stop believing the stigma too, and get out there and participate in life. Mally, your friend might just not know what you would like her to do, now that she knows that you have depression. You could try contacting her again and letting her know that you are the same person you have always been, and that you are still her friend, and still want to do the things that you used to do (if you do want to). Let her know what you would like her to do to help you, if you do want her help. When you told her about your depression, did you hope for some support or understanding? Did you just want to find out if your friendship is strong enough for that kind of openness? Even if you didn't mean to let that slip, maybe if you think about what you felt when you told her that, you will know what it is that you would like from her, and when you explain that to your friend she will probably be more comfortable. Disclosures like that have the potential to disrupt the roles that people are used to playing, and then they don't know what their role should be and we are all uncomfortable when we don't know what to do. If you help her to find her role, maybe she won't need to run away.

It is also possible that she has fears or other emotions or other learning that makes her feel too uncomfortable to continue the relationship. If that is the case, then it is about her issues, and not about you. If she was your friend before, then it isn't you she is rejecting, but a concept that she isn't ready to deal with for whatever reason. That's one of the reasons it is good to have lots of friends. Then if one can't be there for you, someone else probably can, and you will be okay. There are lots of reasons to have more friends. Then you have more opportunity to be there for them too, and to learn about more people and relationships.

For some people it is more comfortable to have a few close friends, rather than a lot of acquaintances. There is nothing wrong with that, as long as your friends are also comfortable in those relationships. One thing that we sometimes need to be careful of is not to lean too much on any one friend. We need to understand their limits too. Not saying that you did - just another reason for having more friends. You will find the right balance for you.

Rap

[Irine]

i rememebr something that my T told me about people who "run away" like your friend did.

see: you think from the POV of this society:
"i have depression , i am not o.k....i should hide it.. i am "weak" maybe.
(i don`t say that you think like this for sure.).but -
then she "the normal" and had a "normal" reaction -"ran away".

who is "the weak" here??

SHE can`t "contain"this though, she maybe has a hard time facing the fact of some mental illness...you were brave and open.
and she is sort of "weak" not used to it..
she has this boundaries those stygmas and steriotips.

just another POV.

"Even though my mum and family members want me to try to have more then one friend lol"

the real Q? i if YOU want to have many friends. if you are comfortable with 1 friend and feel you don`t need all the others......

"is that people pretend to be my friend cause they either feel sorry for me or they just want me to be their friend cause their shallow and just think of me as a number. "

-well, you posted in the right forum!
why do you feel like that?
do you think your friends are in any way BTTER thank YOU?
what on earth makes them better? they have higher powers? they can fly?

i also remember that Kittie Baron said something about the opposite...

it`s not THEY think of you as a number and feel sorry for you....i suspect it is YOU who thinks so..because..you think those thoughts in your head and then you behave like that. in a way that can make them go away because you think the are either too good for you (subconciously) or that you don`t deserve?

i wonder:
you felt unconrtable with the thoguh that you have depressions and then you low self esteem makes you act like that....maybe let`s relpace the word "my fault" with
" my CHOICE"....because we do things our of concious or subconcious choice.

do you feel you DESERVE to have friends?
do you feel you have something unique, interesitng...that you are WORTHY and people can get interested in you?

does it make sense to you or you think that most chances are that you have nothing nice and special in you and thus your friends are with you our of pity...i don`t believe it by the way. no 1 will hang out with some1 else because he feels he HAS TO. most of the time they want to.

if you look inside deep enough you willl find those things that make you unique and interesitng and charming.
you may have those judgmetal thoughts as a reslolt of this habbit of lookign at yourself from the outsied-instead of letting yourself see from inside. feel free to be exacly what you are. at the moment. know you HAVE THE RIGHT. you don`t need a stamp of aproval from anybody else.

that being said, i think you MAY have done sometiems here and there things that would makes others go away--but it`s not because something is worng with you-but becasue you THINK that something is worng with you! becasue you may think that you don`t deserve their presence, because you may feel uncomfortable and say "by mistake" the negative things about yourself.