Like most people I don't trust myself. Because of this I set myself up for failure, drama, tragedy and all other things that make us not want to do anything at all.

I have read articles and books and talked to people.

I have gotten advice about listening to my inner child, doing things she desires to build trust in myself and the adult things that I know I need to do and don't always feel like doing.

I have been told to just *be* trust worthy, to do things to build trust with others and to be aware of the results of that.

Journaling on following intuition rather than just logic, is another piece of advice.

What are ways that you suggest or have done to cultivate trust in yourself?

[CANDC]

Hi klauritzen. Trust is built on a good self concept. this article helps me build a better sense of self.
Building Self-Esteem | Psych Central

Originally Posted by CANDC

Hi klauritzen. Trust is built on a good self concept. this article helps me build a better sense of self.
Building Self-Esteem | Psych Central

Thank you.

I find that if I listen to my gut instinct on something I am able to trust my own intuition and don't regret the decision I make. However, when I don't listen to me gut I often look back and realize what my mind/body was trying to tell me all along. I usually regret it too.

Originally Posted by mrsjoggers

I find that if I listen to my gut instinct on something I am able to trust my own intuition and don't regret the decision I make. However, when I don't listen to me gut I often look back and realize what my mind/body was trying to tell me all along. I usually regret it too.

So how have you gotten in touch with your gut instinct/intuition? I know my own is there, yet it's easy to ignore it because it speaks so softly and I've gotten good at ignoring my body. Which sounds like may be a problem for lots of people from what I've read and heard.

I agree it speaks softly and I do tend to ignore my body as well. But when I give myself time to listen and don't just jump into a decision I often find my intuition. One thing my therapist gave me to start getting in touch with my body and feelings is a mood chart. I report my feelings and emotions at different times of the day and usually I don't even realize how I'm feeling until I write it down, but then things just click into place and make sense. I find that I don't like to acknowledge anger or fear, however those two are dominant emotions for me probably because I have denied them for so long.

[That What]

Originally Posted by klauritzen

Like most people I don't trust myself. Because of this I set myself up for failure, drama, tragedy and all other things that make us not want to do anything at all.

I have read articles and books and talked to people.

I have gotten advice about listening to my inner child, doing things she desires to build trust in myself and the adult things that I know I need to do and don't always feel like doing.

I have been told to just *be* trust worthy, to do things to build trust with others and to be aware of the results of that.

Journaling on following intuition rather than just logic, is another piece of advice.

What are ways that you suggest or have done to cultivate trust in yourself?

You know the trust fall...which supposedly builds trust...reality...fall back and depend on someone catching you....Known catcher is "protecting" back. Unknown catchers...stalk and attack behind back...space invaders...

Started walking backwards....lines and swerves and funny steps and fingers swaying and flowing ........physical outer door and sides spaces....opening outside learning to trust inner voice.....and sensory perceptions.....

I knew positioning and surroundings...I was not aware...most are unaware of self positioning...back near wall then "felt" cornered and boxed in then fought way out. By walking stepping back.....started spotting someone background unaware self corning.....and more.

Originally Posted by mrsjoggers

I agree it speaks softly and I do tend to ignore my body as well. But when I give myself time to listen and don't just jump into a decision I often find my intuition. One thing my therapist gave me to start getting in touch with my body and feelings is a mood chart. I report my feelings and emotions at different times of the day and usually I don't even realize how I'm feeling until I write it down, but then things just click into place and make sense. I find that I don't like to acknowledge anger or fear, however those two are dominant emotions for me probably because I have denied them for so long.

A mood chart? What does it look like?

Originally Posted by That What

You know the trust fall...which supposedly builds trust...reality...fall back and depend on someone catching you....Known catcher is "protecting" back. Unknown catchers...stalk and attack behind back...space invaders...

Started walking backwards....lines and swerves and funny steps and fingers swaying and flowing ........physical outer door and sides spaces....opening outside learning to trust inner voice.....and sensory perceptions.....

I knew positioning and surroundings...I was not aware...most are unaware of self positioning...back near wall then "felt" cornered and boxed in then fought way out. By walking stepping back.....started spotting someone background unaware self corning.....and more.

This response makes no sense to me? Can you help me to understand what you're saying?

It's a sheet with some boxes on it. One box for the mood and then a longer one for why your feel that way. Oh and a number 1-10 of how strong the mood/feeling is. You could easily just make a similar list if you're interested. Or there's some more detailed worksheets if you Google "Mood Chart." We also came up with a list of feelings and moods because sometimes I can't really identify how I'm feeling. Do you think you'll try it?

Originally Posted by mrsjoggers

It's a sheet with some boxes on it. One box for the mood and then a longer one for why your feel that way. Oh and a number 1-10 of how strong the mood/feeling is. You could easily just make a similar list if you're interested. Or there's some more detailed worksheets if you Google "Mood Chart." We also came up with a list of feelings and moods because sometimes I can't really identify how I'm feeling. Do you think you'll try it?

I also have a list of feelings which I copied from The Anxiety and Phobia workbook for the same reason. I use evernote for a lot of my journaling and charting so I will create one in there. Thank you for the idea. I have been using a similar chart for tracking my anger that I got from the book When Anger Hurts.

You seem very well read on this stuff!

[That What]

Originally Posted by klauritzen

This response makes no sense to me? Can you help me to understand what you're saying?

Look straight ahead..walk straight ahead...grab something ahead..reading and "one" hand writing facing front..... Hearing calling out loud a name........most turn 180 degrees then facing speaking person.

Starting as "toddlers" we were told...taught "mind"...brains...head matter EYE SIGHT and EAR SOUND dependency. Physical support..labels ...Mom...action..you should not be scared Mommy's here(hear)....what about times...Mommy's not here and not talking...or someone else's scary Mommy. ...police officers are children's friends.

Teachers are nice...whose teacher and what is "person" teaching...any one can claim...I'm a teacher..."I didn't know Aunt Debbie's a teacher." "Not a school teacher." What?

Google...Trust building exercises...all involve...group or couple...one person depending/relying on one or more people.....similar SIZE pairs example. one person falls and one person catches. Watch back then catch...stopping falling person. Blind trust and false perception...role playing..

If people are told the action (fall) and resulting reaction (catch)...where is "trust." A game with clear stated rules. Playing choice/voice.

Stalking....follow, trail, shadow, pursue someone...travel behind back. Unknown placed into unknown "familiar" reversing role playing game..no playing choice.

So called trust building exercises train people to be more vulnerable and susceptible and agreeable.

Mental belief trust = someone catching you if you fall backwards places trust back behind baby time...carried by people....relying/dependent on "someone" else's physical object support and distrust in front. Looking to spot (small round mark) with EYE SIGHT dangerous strangers.

Stalkers look to spot..non-verbal cue...nice smile...shaking head yes....to "fit" into "fantasy." Smile= friendly...wants to be mine (mind) friend. without questions...no risk of rejection aka learning smile was not about friend....baby time...looking/listening for someone with babying people skills.

Stepping backwards learns sensory perception...Perception is the organization, identification and interpretation of sensory information to understand environment.

Hair standing up on the back of your neck..sensory perception. Feeling hair alert..stepped aside spotted then looked stepped farther back...tiny elderly man spotting corner motion...Oh sorry wasn't paying attention and almost walked into your back.

Hair alert was someone in "straight line" behind back foot speed was faster than front foot speed...butting "a head" alert...toes stepping on heels.

By "walking" stepping back....learning decoding sensory perception feel slight breeze on spot of body location info...something partially "blocking" breeze....listen...bush rustling sound....breathe smell leaf...""leave" straight course recourse curving path. Also "step" leaning side to side..learning off balance sensory perception learns re-balancing with over-correcting.

Grinders "learn" to block/ignore louder grinding machines...then confused hearing "wives"' yelling...you don't listen to me.

My "thought" was gaining my self trust.

Started noticing others "background" dependency. Zero "location" and environment awareness equals zero "self' position awareness.

Example

John believes...told....taught....thought....felt...whatever....brother protects sister... husband protects wife...father protects daughter and sons and grandchildren...boy protects girl.

Defensive and Offensive...positions. Knew John's reactions.....knew john's violent "baby girl" actions/reactions....

Unknown...John's "baby girl" returning to hospital....standing direct line back behind whining Aunt Katie half turn around then fighting over Dad/Grandma demanding...NOW Katherine...you need too calm down...you are too emotional.

John leaps "ahead/mentally" to defend sister Katherine from angry daughter forgetting could not JUMP over standing "back" Aunt Katie's body tug of war with John dragging "body" feet running to stay standing...outdoors then turning and screaming head off. Flipping out over names...Katherine...YOU disrespected...Jane.

Learning sensory perception info...replayed "scene" what changes to change outrage....John lacks self positioning back-drop awareness...spot back against wall or object....stepping back opening more space results in john "backing" away from wall and stepping out ahead to shorten space freeing John from "back against wall trapped feeling" calm open..non-confrontation..position AND John spots "self unaware daughter/niece" sneaking back stalking approach and acknowledges preventing role playing reversing games.

Tuning into outdoor "natural" secure learning environment....no angry people responses...although a toad jumping...learning laughing experience.

Originally Posted by mrsjoggers

You seem very well read on this stuff!

I don't know about that. I've only read the first book I mentioned all the way through (I'm still working on the exercises in it) and I just started on the the second book I mentioned as well as a third called "Codependent No More" which I noticed tonight while reading someone else's thread that it was mentioned.

The first book was lent to me by a friend, back in August, then she asked for it back a couple months later so I purchased my own copy and that lead me to the other books.

Reading is my first love and I read all subjects...My boyfriend dislikes that I read self help books...And I have lied to him about doing so to keep from upsetting him, which when he realized I had lied only upset him more, yet it's something I will not stop doing.

I have a social phobia that makes it very difficult for me to speak to people about my problems and I struggle with my desire to go to a therapist to talk things through, my boyfriend's view on therapists and my past experiences with therapists when I was in high school. Books help me more than anything and they challenge me without pushing me more than I am ready for.

I admire you and your love for self-help books. I have my own stack of them and Codependent No More is in there. From what I've researched that author, Melody Beattie, defined codependency for the world and made it an issue that no one really talked about before her writing. She also has a book called "The Language of Letting Go" and it's daily excerpts from her writing, I find it very encouraging.

I agree that they don't push you too hard and I also think they are a lot like therapists in the directions / exercises they give. To me, it's like what you put in is what you get out.

If I may ask, what bothers your BF about self-help books?

[placebo effect]

Originally Posted by Anonymous410

Like most people I don't trust myself. Because of this I set myself up for failure, drama, tragedy and all other things that make us not want to do anything at all.

I have read articles and books and talked to people.

I have gotten advice about listening to my inner child, doing things she desires to build trust in myself and the adult things that I know I need to do and don't always feel like doing.

I have been told to just *be* trust worthy, to do things to build trust with others and to be aware of the results of that.

Journaling on following intuition rather than just logic, is another piece of advice.

What are ways that you suggest or have done to cultivate trust in yourself?

I might be wrong, but it sounds like a perspective to me that you have of yourself.
I feel if you change how you see yourself, entirely. you could change what you attract to yourself, the tragedy, drama, and failure.
I would start by doing some things you might not have tried for yourself to improve your environment you spend the most time in to your liking, like redecorating, wiring up a sound system if you enjoy quality music, make your central spot your haven, by doing something yourself you can be proud of, even if it's not graduating with a degree, if you installed dimmer switches, or successfully raised a spice garden, you're slowly gaining self confidence. I think that's a good first step.

Then I would sit myself down, and make for myself a goal sheet, and pin it to a wall. make it your focus. I feel focus is kind of essential. It helps to draw your attention to something positive, and away from how you used to feel.

Then everyday, even if you have no idea how, have fun exploring your own unique adventure into achieving this goal. Along the way you'll feel more empowered as you accomplish more things, learn patience, and go out to learn different things at different places with people, and you'll find you'll attract new positive people just like who you're becoming along the way.

I feel really in the end it's not so much about the goal. It's about what you gain from the experience while making it happen, and I think, maybe that's when you begin to trust yourself. I'm not an expert though. Good luck. I've been there too.

[YMIHere]

Originally Posted by Anonymous37782

I admire you and your love for self-help books. I have my own stack of them and Codependent No More is in there. From what I've researched that author, Melody Beattie, defined codependency for the world and made it an issue that no one really talked about before her writing. She also has a book called "The Language of Letting Go" and it's daily excerpts from her writing, I find it very encouraging.

I agree that they don't push you too hard and I also think they are a lot like therapists in the directions / exercises they give. To me, it's like what you put in is what you get out.

If I may ask, what bothers your BF about self-help books?

I believe I have both of those books and I believe I have not read either. I used to go to Emotions Anonymous 100 years ago and I think someone had mentioned them to me then because so many of the 12 step groups cross over. It's funny because EA is probably the least popular (there are almost no groups where I am now) and yet we got cross overs from every other group. Whether you're drinking, gambling, codependent on a drug addict, most all of that has an emotional core.

How did you find it helped with anxiety?

[EsteemedGuy]

Originally Posted by Anonymous410

Like most people I don't trust myself. Because of this I set myself up for failure, drama, tragedy and all other things that make us not want to do anything at all.

I have read articles and books and talked to people.

I have gotten advice about listening to my inner child, doing things she desires to build trust in myself and the adult things that I know I need to do and don't always feel like doing.

I have been told to just *be* trust worthy, to do things to build trust with others and to be aware of the results of that.

Journaling on following intuition rather than just logic, is another piece of advice.

What are ways that you suggest or have done to cultivate trust in yourself?

Hi Anonymous410
Trust is a very Strong word or should I say a feeling. If you don't trust yourself you can't trust other people... First you have to learn what is mortuary correct, what is good and bad, what is correct or wrong, what is socially acceptable and what is not,
what are work environment guide lines. Then do what is good, mortuary correct, socially acceptable, stay with in the guide lines as your starting point. you will start trusting your self. Then you can trust yourself and others...

[Fuzzybear]