Horrible self esteem

I think I am ugly and awkward, this is not a new thing, but lately I've been feeling like other people don't need to put up with me or endure me, I don't know why. When I think about spending time with other people, my mind says 'you don't deserve to bond with people' and 'If I were them I wouldn't want to be with someone like me'. I feel like I'm some weird ogre living among human beings and they just feel sorry for me so they let me stay with them out of pity.

I had those thoughts for a long time, and even now I can't say I have good self esteem.
I think you are as beautiful and needed as everyone else, you have your capabilities, your special and unique characteristics.
CBT therapy could be a way to face your thoughts and "talk back" to them, because it's focus is to challenge your "irrealistic" thoughts about yourself and others(like "others hate me" "I'm not loved").

I sometimes doubt they feel much of anything for me and just let me keep breathing because they have no say in the matter. But overall, I just keep on doing my best at what I know to do while being grateful I am not the last one still standing.

Thank you, I really appreciate your reply and completely agree with you. There are things about me, I really like and I'm 100% sure of myself, but these are things most people don't appreciate.

I'm trying to remember how I was feeling when I posted this thread, I must have been in a really bad mood.

Thanks for the reply. I have to keep going too, I have no other option. I want to be grateful for what I have and learn to love myself.

I have felt this way and I still FEEL this way. It's the hardest thing accepting yourself and loving yourself. I know you shouldn't stop caring about your appearance, but I did. And I packed on ANOTHER 20 FREAKIN POUNDS. I just give up. With the weight, hair, face, body all of it.

I go out now without makeup or doing my hair and not giving a *^&*. Yeah I feel bad, but I am no longer ashamed of who I am. I dress up and look nice for work (as best as I can) and you know I feel beautiful when I do. I even posted a pic up here on PC with me without makeup, saying how beautiful I was, and it was very scary, but very brave and groundbreaking for me.

So even though you feel this way, it's a passing thing. Years later and positive posts on here later I still feel that way DEEP down, but I keep going and living because this is the form that was given to me so I have to live with it.

I still struggle with this. I've gained lots of weight due to meds and not moving around as much. My face is now fat and droopy, plus red from rosacea. My teeth have been crooked forever and now I just clean them but they're yellow. I try to tell myself I'm still beautiful but I just look at myself in the mirror and sigh.

Sorry to hear that, but I've been told we are our own worst judges and I think it's true.