The idea of love has always made me recoil.. It has felt like a weakness to me. But I guess we are all weak - that's why we need other people and their love! I do believe we can do SO much more together than on our own

This is me admitting I do want love. There is a part of me that realises it's a good thing It's just that as a child, I had to deny that need in me - because my dad didn't love me It was too much for me to handle. I thought it was my fault.. After that, I couldn't really let anyone's love get close to my deepest core - because there, I believed I was unlovable. To change that belief, I should have admitted my dad was the one who was wrong.. And I couldn't do that. I needed to believe he knew what he was doing, that I could count on him. But he was wrong.. I am lovable He just wasn't able to love me.

Instead of blaming myself for him not loving me, I'm going to start believing I am lovable - I'm going to start accepting other people's love for me. I can accept it feels good. It helps me go on in life! I do need it more than anything. And I'm going to take it when someone gives it to me freely - I deserve it

[Marylin]

Good on you not.dead.yet Of course you are lovable,I wish you lots of love from others and lots of self love too,do you know when I started loving myself and the inner child inside me that was enough for me,I didn't need or crave love from anyone else.Being loved by someone else is also wonderful though and something I hope you will be blessed with in abundance too.Just to know though self love fills any void or emptiness and helps us feels whole and nourished too.

Thank you, Marylin! I feel I needed someone else to love me first to prove to me I could be loved.. First, it was my therapist, then when I built enough trust to bring a friend into my confidence, it was her, too. I've started to see more and more how many people love and care about me - it's not 'perfect' love, though, for many of them it's limited, but I now realise that's about them, not me. You can only love others as much as you love yourself.

Learning to love myself more and more is my next step Or more like, accepting it.. Pushing through the urge to stay the same. I'm scared of change.. But I have to believe and trust this change will be for the best It'll make me feel good.. I WANT to feel good! No one's supposed to suffer..

[campervanman]

Hi not.dead.yet

I can relate to you 100%
As I too was not shown love by my dad from the age of 6yrs old (Mother was killed) I had a few best friend`s `BUT`these dwindled as they died! The protection I have for my heart against that horrible loss emotion, must be 50 ply thick now! I cant` show or give love `SO` I cant` receive or experience love, as the emotions` and feelings` are, and very very painful!!!
One day in the near future, these barriers` may come down when the right person who understands` me, comes` along. `Until then, my loneliness is my only friend!!

[jar222]

Originally Posted by not.dead.yet

The idea of love has always made me recoil.. It has felt like a weakness to me. But I guess we are all weak - that's why we need other people and their love! I do believe we can do SO much more together than on our own

This is me admitting I do want love. There is a part of me that realises it's a good thing It's just that as a child, I had to deny that need in me - because my dad didn't love me It was too much for me to handle. I thought it was my fault.. After that, I couldn't really let anyone's love get close to my deepest core - because there, I believed I was unlovable. To change that belief, I should have admitted my dad was the one who was wrong.. And I couldn't do that. I needed to believe he knew what he was doing, that I could count on him. But he was wrong.. I am lovable He just wasn't able to love me.

Instead of blaming myself for him not loving me, I'm going to start believing I am lovable - I'm going to start accepting other people's love for me. I can accept it feels good. It helps me go on in life! I do need it more than anything. And I'm going to take it when someone gives it to me freely - I deserve it

Thank you for sharing I love this. I also am a big fan of love, but have had problems because my dad was not there for me either. I have to realize that I am an amazing person with or without him, and that is anyone's lost who doesn't realize that. I believe that loving myself first is where I need to start and everything else will just fall into place.