[InnerCritique]

Looking back at who you were as a teenager/young adult and comparing it with yourself at the moment- is there any change in emotional maturity, independence, social ability, communication skills etc?
Even looking back 4 years ago I can see, in myself, a change in maturity, independence, confidence. However-

Is this because of the natural passing of time or because of choices you have made to be this way?

For example, if you were a particularly socially anxious or unconfortable child/teen and now enjoy a life of social grace, flexibity, ease and grace, is that because you have consciously worked through your problems and purposefully sorted them out, almost like adapting. OR is it just because you have 'grown up'?

The second option may seem unlikely, however when you look back upon how you used to behave, view yourself and your future when you were much younger (teens) lots of people dismiss their behaviour and think "God look at me when i was younger, I can't believe i used to act like that/ think that of myself/ believe that of my future...".
So would you say that that teenager's unwanted and unuseful behaviour (like social awkwardness) is just an infantile phase and something they will 'grow out of' as they grow up, or something which they should change for themselves?

What do you think?

P.S- I hope this questions was clear, I've tried to express it as clearly as i could without unecessary rambling. Just ask if you need me to explain more, i just didn't want to subject you to endless paragraphs.

[Christina86]

Interesting question...

I believe, at age 22 that I differ greatly from who I was at age 18, for example.

Time passes, and although some changes in behaviours and interactions (and personality characteristics) are due to biological factors, some are also due to the way we're treated and the way others interact with us, and the responsibilities we're expected to fulfill (all as a result of our age, and people's impressions of what they can expect of a person that age, from either experience with others, or their own life experiences at that age in comparison).

I think it's mostly choices that impact how we change as human beings. I know of plenty of people who, at ages 30+ still act like children, whereas I've seen younger people act more mature than what is normally seen of individuals in their age range.

Some characteristics are age dependent though. We know, for example that many children at around 2 years old will act a certain way (hence the "Terrible Twos") and we know that teenagers are more apt to get into trouble and change from who they were as younger people, because they're experimenting to find out "who they are".

Some people will grow out of certain stages. Some people will be forced out of certain personality characteristics when confronted by others or situations. Some people will decide that certain characteristics they have need to be changed, and will do it willingly on their own. Still, some others might seek counselling...

And sometimes, some people will never ever grow up.

[Rapunzel]

Growing up is a process, and it is different for everyone. I'm not sure there is really a distinct point where one can say that now they have grown up. The focus in human development has traditionally been on children and adolescents, but now it is recognized that development is continuous throughout life. If we are still living, I think that we are still "growing up."

That said, I am different in a lot of ways from when I was a teen. Although I was 19 19 years ago, a lot of my most significant changes have happened in the last 5 years. I was never a typical teen. I was not allowed to grow up or be independent or think that I could take care of myself. Five years ago my depression and lack of autonomy got to the point where I couldn't stand it anymore. I wanted to die, but for some reason I chickened out and did something else instead. After that, I started changing, and started to make effort to take charge of my own life. The changes have been slow and gradual and have taken a lot of hard work and I'm not finished yet. It doesn't happen automatically. Passage of time alone doesn't do it. Experience and effort and exploration and getting to know yourself are how people grow up.

I'm still socially awkward. It wasn't ever a normal teenage phase for me. I was never a normal teenager. I still have a lot of work to do to become confident and independent. Maturity, however, is relevant. We become more mature than we were, but how do you compare one person's maturity to another's?

[Junerain]

What a beautiful post, what beautiful questioning...

For me, I needed to be surrounded by others just as eccentric as I am, to grow, into my unique personality...until I found my core group of friends, I was lost as lost could ever be.....not fitting in most places, getting fired from job after job just for being different, was the reason many employers gave....quite sad actually....I have a very sad past, awkward into my early thirties...but NOW I'm confident, well balanced, and just aware how much I love myself, just for ME and how I am

Thank God I found my core group of people, they, and I, worked collaborately to get me like this

[(JD)]

Sounds like a study question for Psy 110. What do you think?
Have you ever found a person in a grown up body behaving like a child, or teen?
Isn't growing up a myth? Isn't staying young at heart the basis for long life?

[seeker1950]

Hello, Inner,
I started typing a reply to this thread and your question yesterday, but chose to delete it. It's a hard subject for me. Even as I type, I'm not sure I'll finish this.
Being an educator, and having a lot of time under my belt, having raised a daughter with whom I've always had a loving relationship, I recognize that there are healthy ways in which to grow up, to raise children who have their self-esteem intact, and then there are those like me, who was raised in an atmosphere of fear and abuse, both physical and emotional. A counselor once asked me, "How do you think this affects you, the abuse you endured?" I said I didn't know. He answered, "It makes you anxious." That was way back when...in my early 30's. I'm age 57 now, and I still struggle with social anxiety, though I have managed to be independent, self-supportive financially, and even achieve my M.A. degree this past spring. All this is a struggle for me, even now. All the demands on me are exhausting, which wouldn't be for the "normal" person. I manage to work, and most say even do a good job, to be gracious and pleasant in social situations, to attend classes and give productive input, but when I come home, all I can do is collapse and seclude myself.
In short, I think one's upbringing has a lot to do with how one matures, develops confidence socially, and moves freely. Some of us have a much harder time.
Patty