Some CBT for you

NINE TYPES OF THINKING MISTAKES

Thinking mistakes are inaccuracies in our thinking. We can think of our thoughts as representations of reality, like photographs. If we have a smudge on the lens of the camera, then the photo will not accurately represent what was in front of the camera. Even if the lens is clear and we take a picture of only part of an object, then the picture will not accurately portray the whole object. It is safe to assume that everyone makes thinking mistakes so please don't assume that you are hopelessly defective if you recognize some or all of those described below.

It can be very helpful to be able to identify mistakes in our thinking because once we have discovered the mistake, we will know better how to correct it and feel better. Identifying our thinking mistakes is like diagnosing the thought problem. A good diagnosis usually points the way to a helpful remedy.

Below is a list of nine common thinking mistakes with examples of how they might occur. See if you can identify one or more ways that you have been victimized by this king of thinking.

1. All or Nothing (Black or White): This involves seeing things as though there were only two possible categories. Example: If a situation turns out imperfectly, you see it as a total failure. You forget to buy one item on a shipping list and think "Well, I really blew that trip." Can you think of an example of how you have used this thinking mistake? Try writing it down.

2. Over generalizing: A negative event is seen as a never-ending pattern of defeat. Example: When shopping you notice that your check-out line is moving very slowly and think "Why do I always pick the slowest check-out line?" What's your example?

3. Mental Filter: Seeing only the negative aspects of a situation while screening out the positive aspects. Example: You focus on a critical comment someone made while ignoring all the compliments you've received. Your example.

4. Jumping to Conclusions: Predicting things will go a certain way before you have the facts.

A. Mind Reading: Assuming that you know exactly what someone is or will be thinking about you. Example: An acquaintance doesn't seem as friendly as usual and you think "He/she must be angry with me." Your example:

B. Fortune-telling: Predicting that things will turn out badly and that you won't be able to cope. Example: Before going to a social gathering you have an image of people reacting negatively to you and you assume that you will be devastated. Your example.

5. Magnifying or Minimizing: Overvaluing or minimizing the importance of a situation or certain information. Example: Even though you may be a good parent and spouse, you think that it's shameful to have been laid off from a job. You get several job offers and accept one but think that doesn't make up for the loss. Your example.

6. Emotional Reasoning: Assuming that how you feel is an accurate reflection of how things are. Example: If you are feeling anxious, you assume that something bad is going to happen. Your example.

7. Shoulds: You tell yourself that things "should" or "shouldn't" be a certain way. We do this with ourselves, other people, and situations. Variations of this can include "musts," "have to's" and other imperatives which sound like they come from some external authority figure. Example: "You have to help me," "I shouldn't have done that." Your example.

8. Labeling: This is an extreme form of all-or-nothing thinking which can be damaging to our self-esteem and our relationships. Instead of simply acknowledging a mistake, we say "I'm just a screw-up" (substitute "loser," "jerk," "idiot," etc.) Applying labels to others (e.g., "that SOB") will tend to blind us to other qualities which could benefit us in the relationship. Everyone has labels they tend to use often. What are some of yours? (Include what you call yourself!)

9. Personalizing: (Blaming) This thinking mistake creates enormous preventable suffering. This occurs when we hold ourselves responsible for something which isn't or wasn't entirely under our control. As children, we take much of what happens around us personally, including how we are treated. When a child is mistreated by a parent, she will tend to assume that she is somehow to blame and may see herself as defective. When this process is reversed, we blame someone else for a situation we have a part in creating. We do this as adults often without realizing it. Now we have a choice about becoming aware of this destructive thinking mistake. Most importantly we can change it! Example: An acquaintance passes you in the market without saying hello. You think, "I must have done something wrong." Your example.

Tomorrow, Testing The Evidence!

bump

Is it possible to have the Rebel and the Loser face and use them to try to control ppl to get the reaction a person wants ? don't know if this is making much since
Angie

Are you talking about the personalities under What is Self-Esteem? It's probably possible. LOL Is that an answer? I couldn't tell you for sure, Angie, because I'm not a psycologist, but I'm sure we can have a little of all three in varying degrees.

I've known some people in my life that are insecure and manipulative at the same time, so...

Sick and tired of seein ppl try to take control and change postings to make it all about them, changing the focus from self-esteem to woe is me
Marie

Agreed 100%, but IMO, that's part of the illness, don't you think?

Might be , doesn't belong in a place where ppl want to improve on the quality of life though what do you think
Marie

i think that positive should be the focus here. having said that, how can we know when to be positive and supportive if we don't hear the negative? we have to know who needs support and why, even tho it's not easy to hear sometimes

having said that, i think any positive, supportive statements should not be negated. i think in working on self esteem we should learn to graciously accept support and compliments instead of arguing with them and making the supporter feel badly. i think that's part of the healing. whether we feel the compliments and support are "true" or not, we should accept it at face value because we can't assume to be inside of another's head...i would never want to tell someone they weren't being truthful with me because of my own illness. that hurts

for instance, someone told me that i was physically beautiful last nite. that just caused alot of emotion here. part of me almost got defensive and wondering what kind of trick they were playing on me.

i did not put my friend down by telling her i thought her statement was not true. i showed some concern, but offered a thank you. i've done this with other things in my life...and pretty soon they started to sink in and the "thank you" became sincere and was accompanied by a big smile.

i think that's the ultimate goal for a recovering self esteem. i hope this doesn't sound as rambling to y'all as it does to me. did it make ANY type of sense?

thanks,

{{{{{{{{{{{{{Kimmy}}}}}}}}}}}}}} You're not only beautiful on the outside, but on the inside where it really counts.

Your words make perfect sense and in no way are you rambling. You made the perfect post I was so hoping someone would make! Thank you SO MUCH for your contributions; all of them! The personal experience and the wisdom that goes with it is better than any exercise I could post.

Please do not missunderstand , I myself do not need to work on my self-esteem, Angie does and is tryin too, I want ppl to know I am here to help her in every way I can, since she is so very happy here on this forum, if I insult anyone here Iam sorry, but that is my make up
Marie
It's nice to meet you KimmyDawn

TESTING THE EVIDENCE

When we believe something, we tend to pay attention to information which supports that belief. We tend to see what we expect to see. If you are going to a party and expect that people won't like you, then you will tend to pay more attention to those cues that support or reinforce that expectation or belief.

Rather than swallowing hook, line and sinker the negative thought as an accurate reflection of reality, we can examine the evidence on both sides of the issue. We can see if we might be overlooking some information which could alter the belief which is causing our emotional pain. Here's an example of how it works:

First, identify the negative belief (automatic thought): I'm a bad mom

Then rate on a scale of 1-10 how strongly you believe this 9

Now make a list of the evidence which suggests that the negative belief is true:

TRUE - My daughter got in trouble at school. I yell at her sometimes. My husband and I sometimes fight in front of her. I don't help her with homework every night.

NOT TRUE - I really do care about her best interest. My neighbor said she was very well-behaved. I apologize when I make mistakes. I separate her behavior from her worth as a person.

Now re-rate the strength of the negative belief you have examined (1-10) 5

Now re-rate the strength of the negative belief you have examined (1-10) 5

After considering all the evidence, what would be a more reasonable belief or way to think about this issue:

New Belief: I'm not a perfect mom but I do some very important things for my daughter. I can plan some small steps toward becoming an even better mom.

Following is a form for you to use to test the evidence in different situations. If you can, print the form out and run several copies so you can work on it at different times or when the need arises.

TESTING THE EVIDENCE

Situation you feel badly about: (give yourself a few spaces)

What emotion do you feel when you think about the situation?

Rate on a scale of (1-10) how strongly you feel that emotion.

Now identify the negative belief (automatic thought):

Next, rate on a scale of 1-10 how strongly you believe this:

Now make a list of the evidence which suggests that the negative belief is true: (several spaces - give yourself enough room)

Next make a list of the evidence which suggests that the negative belief is NOT true:

Now re-rate the strength of the negative belief you have examined: (1-10)

After considering all the evidence, what would be a more reasonable belief or way to think about this issue:

NEW BELIEF:

Finally, re-rate the strength of the negative emotion (1-10):

((((((((((((((( september )))))))))))))))))))

thank you. i've been trying, for a week now, to find the right words that i wanted to put here...given some of the posts that i've read.

marie, it's nice to meet you as well. we've spoken one other time in a post i believe. i hope you are well.

you've not insulted me in any shape, form or manner. your wanting to help angie is noble.

kd

Hang onto that wire kitten your tops with me
Marie

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Kimmy}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} You and your ways are greatly appreciated.

thank you miss ((((((((((((((( september ))))))))))))))))))) as are yours, friend.

This is REALLY good, Sept!

What does 'CBT' stand for?

(Last installment for this one)

DEFINING TERMS

Defining terms can be a helpful strategy when you are using negative labels to describe yourself, someone else or a situation.

Remember how you felt when you were a child and someone called you a name? You may have felt sad and may have sensed the injustice. Names like "jerk," "idiot," "loser," etc. are not only destructive to us and others emotionally, but they are almost always grossly inaccurate.

Try defining what you mean by using the term "loser." Does this mean someone who makes mistakes more than 50% of the time? Does it mean that one tries but fails at something more than once?

Consider the failure record of Abraham Lincoln: He failed in business in 1831. Defeated for Legislatuare in 1832. Business failed again in 1833. Suffered nervous breakdown in 1836. Deafeated for Speaker in 1838. Defeated for Elector in 1840. Defeated for Congress in 1843. Defeated for Congress in 1848. Defeated for Senate in 1855. Defeated for Vice President in 1856. Defeated for Senate in 1858. Elected President in 1860. Would you have called him a failure in 1859? Would that be an accurate description of this man?

Human beings can best be seen as a complex mix of strengths and weaknesses, hopes and dreams, failures and triumphs.

What is a negative label you sometimes give yourself?

How do you feel when you do that?

Can you define what that label means?

Considering all the facts, what would be a more accurate description of yourself?

Perhaps our mistakes should best be considered as learning opportunities. Instead of calling yourself or somebody else names, think of what you can draw from the experience and plan how you will deal with a similar situation next time.

this is great Sept? Do you write this yourself? If not, where do you get these gems?

Hi Tomi -- I missed this thread!!! I don't know how. Where is this info from? Dr. Burns? Someone else?

I think each of these part deserved to have a whole thread to itself!!!

I especially like the first post. Excellent list. I use the other techniques, and they are very helpful. If nothing else, they get me going so I am not caught in the tape loop of my mind.

i think it's great also.......i hate getting that tape-player going and not be able to find the STOP button!! thanks, again! pat

It's Cognitive Behavior(al) Therapy. Great stuff! Thanks for asking.

LOL I picked this small example up when I was in the psych ward almost three years ago.

Yes, it's taken from Dr. Burns books. Guess it's a condensation of the major premis. Don't you just love it?