Mom brings up Ex husband

My husband and I have been married for 28 years, and my Mom still brings up my ex husband and his family members. I have ask her many times over the years not to, it really bothers me. My husband adopted the kids long ago when they were 8 and 5 years old. My husband says she doesn't mean to do it, but I disagree with him. This has gone on for too long to be accidental. No matter what I say, she just keeps it up., and tells me that it just shouldn't bother me. Well, it does, he was a jerk and didn't pay child support, see the kids, or cover them with insurance, and I am supposed to just think that this is o.k. I won't, I can't, I am not going to deal with him at all. If he comes around my family at all, I will walk out of the room, I don't care if I am in a funeral home or a wedding chapel. I just fall apart. When we were married, they called him a hillbilly and every name in the book they could think of. I just don't get it and never will. What does anyone else think? I tried to deal with him when I had to, but always got lies and stories, cheated on and everything else. I just plain don't want to deal with this person in any way, shape, or form.

Sorry to read that your mother is a dolt when it comes to your feelings. Sadly this is not unusual for family.

Your husband sounds like a wonderful person to be able to handle this as well as he does. Ma is pushing your buttons for some reason that we do not know.......maybe she doesn't even know?!

You are an adult and you don't have to see anyone you don't want to. Your husband adopted your children making them yours (together......btw that was awesome of him to do) and your family is whole and complete. 'Cept ma.

Somehow you will have to decide how you're going to handle your mother in a more stern fashion. She hasn't listened to your requests over the years and continues to do this. She isn't gonna stop now.

Work with someone you trust on practicing statements you can use on ma to shut her down in her tracks next time she even attempts to launch into the ol ex and in laws song and dance. Cut her off before she begins.

I don't have any practicals as to how to go about this but I do have lots of support for growing stronger so that you will be able to enforce this boundary with your mother.

You deserve to not have this fuss in your life.

Thanks! You know, every time this happens I feel like someone punched me! I have a younger friend at work who started out trying real hard to get along with her ex because of the daughter, but he just keeps refusing to help with the child's medical bills, and she is also to the place where she just can't deal with him anymore than she has to. I know just how she feels. I was there, and I feel like I am going back each time my Mom does this to me. It has surely changed the relationship I have with her. I just stay away most of the time.

this might work.....when she lays out some elaborate sentence like, "oh, you'll never believe what Henry said to me today, i swear he is so sweet".....you look at her and say, "you may be right".......and walk off.......it totally confuses them.....xoxo