Why is it some people will say--- when another is faced with a hardship--- " One is never given more than they can handle " ??

That comment makes me mad!!

If that WERE true-- then there wouldn't be vengeful actions taken by those who had more than they could handle, against others-- some just innocent bystanders. And if one is only given what they can handle-- there wouldn't be any injuring of oneself either. ( as in alcohol, drug addiction or any other thing that harms the body)

Please know, I'm just speaking for myself-- not meaning anything against anyone else--- just a bit uneasy tonight.

Sorry....... I hope I haven't gotten anyone upset--- not my intention at all. Just needing to vent and thought I would try it for the first time.

mandy

You go girlfriend!

Vent all you like!

It's good to hear you raise your voice!

I think sometimes people just don't know what to else to say. To me, speaking only from my twisted point of view, that saying means "stop whining about it and deal."

Another one I dislike is,What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger.

If that's true, I must be Popeye the Petunia.

{{{{{ Mandy }}}}}

phew!! -- You're not mad??

Thanks for the encouragement! And yeah, I feel the same like they don't want to hear it and I should get on with things.

Oh, yes....
</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">
that one can get to me sometimes too!!

"Popeye Petunia"--- LOL!!! thanks for that--- I needed a light moment!

Petunia

mandy

[CedarS]

I agree, I also think that some folks just don't know what to say. They are uncomfortable perhaps and want to push things away.

Sometimes people think that they can deal with their fear of illness and trouble and death and hardship with a simple platitude. Although I really should not put that down, using a phrase to get through the moment can be useful too. Maybe if they just kept it to themselves.

Humans have all sorts of confusing ideas and beliefs about illness (which is currently my main hardship). For me, when someone uses a phrase like that in response to me sharing some about my life, I tend to feel as if I've been told to shut up.

Sarah

[shadowdancer]

(((((((((((((mandy)))))))))))

i'm sorry you're having an 'uneasy' time. it's ok to vent. please take care. i agree that it does seem like a rather 'pat' phrase...sort of "one is never given more than they can handle so you should be able to get over this" at least that's sort of how it always seems to me.

((((((((mandy)))))))

-shadow

Sarah,

I do agree, that using a phrase to get through a moment can help too.

I'm not sure if it's the tone in which it is said or the fact that I feel the speaker doesn't know the whole story so how could they even comment such a thing...... all I know is it doesn't feel so good to hear that most times.
Sorry if you have also had to hear such comments.

thanks for responding

mandy

Thanks for the hugs Shadow.

So nervous about "venting" .... thanks for your support.

So used to whatever it is I'm feeling-- is wrong--- that I'm biting the bullet and ignoring that almost "carved in stone" feeling. Thought I'd try it here for the first time as everyone is so understanding-- such caring and safe people, like you !

mandy

[Kathyanita]

hey Mandy

Im with you
those are ignorant uninformed freeze-dried prepackaged expressions that have no basis in reality. . .like right out of Poor Richards Almanac. . .eck!

Glad you said something about it.

Susan,

Thanks for the hugs and support- very appreciated! Yeah- venting or saying anything that might be taken negative is tough for me.

You got me thinking, maybe some people are trying to pull something positive out of a bad situation- by saying some of the things they say. Kind of like trying to fix what is broke--- but I find it best to just support-- like saying "I'm sorry for your hurt"- or "I'm here if you need to talk"-- instead of trying to show a "less tragic side", which can make the sufferer feel invalidated. I guess they are just trying to be supportive-- in a not so good way though. t/c- thanks for responding.

mandy

[Fuzzybear]

((((((((((((((((((((Mandy)))))))))))))))))))

Bearhugs,
Fuzzy

instead of trying to show a "less tragic side", which can make the sufferer feel invalidated.

That's it right there. Invalidation hurts big time.

Petunia

Gee, I never would have thought others feel similar as I do! Was kind of afraid I would offend people by my first post.

As usual, you said it so well!! --- </font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
uninformed freeze-dried prepackaged expressions that have no basis in reality.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

that's exactly it! I get the feeling most people that say such things are uninformed and just saying it because that's what other's have said. thanks for responding-t/c

mandy

Thanks for the bear hugs Fuzzy-- very appreciated.

Petunia,

Invalidation does hurt. I'm beginning to realize that I was raised with " invalidation overload " ! Couldn't show any upset feelings without being told I was dumb or wrong or just ignored. And of course I had to choose a mate that would act towards me in the same manner-- as that was familiar to me.

I feel like I went from a mess I had no control over into a mess that I partly created-- and find myself questioning the comment--- that people aren't given more than they can handle. I'm feeling like I'm at my breaking point.

There's a quote that I currently relate to- not sure who said it-- " I used to have a handle on life but it broke off ". Albeit, my " handle" was delusional-- it did hold things together somewhat.

Lately, through therapy, I'm seeing things clearer- but seems as though at the same time-- I'm feeling more lost and confused.........* sigh*---- don't know where this is all heading and how to cope sometimes.

mandy

i hear what you are saying. phrases of any type used in difficult situations are like canned spam (you know the gross stuff popular in the 60's and 70's)...and i HATE
spam. i much prefer someone to say nothing, or admit they don't know what to say and give me a hug, hand or just sit quietly beside me.
w_i

[__zh]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
white_iris said: i much prefer someone to say nothing, or admit they don't know what to say and give me a hug, hand or just sit quietly beside me.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> Thank you for letting the board know what type of support you need. It can be very important for us to learn to write out specifically what our needs are so that we aren't bombarded by the exact opposite of what we are seeking.

Now we know not to offer "trite" sayings when you're in need. We now know to instead say that we lack the words and are quietly here. Just like we often put in our posts or threads that we do not wish for any hugs as sometimes they are not they kind of support that helps us.

Good job expressing yourself w_i. You've helped all of us on these forums who aren't mind readers!

zh--thanks for your response.
i do appreciate encouraging words and supportive words that come from the soul. many responses here are so very encouraging and supportive.
i have so appreciated the many things you have said in your posts also. i hope for the day i can reach the insight that you have and are bringing to the forums.
thank you.
w_i

[jmo531]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
kathyanita said:
those are ignorant uninformed freeze-dried prepackaged expressions that have no basis in reality. . .like right out of Poor Richards Almanac. . .eck!

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">


I could not have said it better myself.

Mandy,

I have to add that this is a huge step for you. I am so proud of you. Very proud.

Love,


Jen

Oh Jen-- thanks for the encouragement and for understanding the " huge " step I am taking! (probably seems like no big deal to most- )
You are so kind and thoughtful.

It's great to see you back again-- I've missed you!! t/c

mandy

[Hope4me2]

{{{{{{{{{{2b1}}}}}}}}}}}}

I do not know why anyone would say that......it is hurtful....I do not like it either......

[obsids]

Why is it some people will say--- when another is faced with a hardship--- " One is never given more than they can handle " ??

My pastor, of all people, is the first to sneer at this stupid falsehood. People get more than they can handle all the time. What doesn't kill us, doesn't necessarily make us stronger, but it does make us bitter.

Here's one more for the list:

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
courage to change the things I can,
and wisdom to hide the bodies of the people that really pi$$ed me off.

[jennie]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
2b1better said:
Why is it some people will say--- when another is faced with a hardship--- " One is never given more than they can handle " ??

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

That quote has religious/spiritual connotations. The intended effect is inducing an epiphany in someone else by saying that magical phrase. However, it just doesn't work for us all. ((((((((Huggs))))))))))