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  #1  
Old Aug 09, 2005, 01:45 PM
white_iris
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So now I talk about the stuff that happened. So now I gotta go thru it all over again. And T says this is progress?? Yea, I know that no one can hurt me and I know I'm safe and all that garbage, but does anyone understand that it REALLY hurts??? That I can feel the smacks and taste the blood in my mouth??? So how is this progress??
Vicki

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  #2  
Old Aug 09, 2005, 01:47 PM
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Gemstone Gemstone is offline
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((((((((Vicki))))))))

I understand what you mean. It does hurt. seems to hurt worse 2nd time around seems to hurt worse 2nd time around seems to hurt worse 2nd time around
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seems to hurt worse 2nd time around
  #3  
Old Aug 09, 2005, 02:02 PM
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((((( Vicki )))))

Yes. You are right. It does seem like more abuse to have to see it, feel it, taste it over and over again.

And IT DOES hurt. And we hold that hurt in our cells and muscles and hearts. And it makes us sick.

But we have to flush it out, hon. If we are to get better.

We're all here to help each other get through it.

(((((( here's a gentle hug for you ))))))

Petunia seems to hurt worse 2nd time around
  #4  
Old Aug 09, 2005, 02:07 PM
white_iris
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w_i is hurting too. We went to see our family Dr. today and he said the same thing. But I hurted enough all that time. I don't think I want to do this anymore. I did it some. Why can't I be all done.?
Thanks for the hug. One for you too ((((((Petunia))))))).
Vicki
  #5  
Old Aug 10, 2005, 06:51 AM
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allthegirls6 allthegirls6 is offline
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((((((((((((((vicki)))))))))))))))))
(((((((((((((((((W I )))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Oh what a bad place the world is sometimes

Iris, Snodders, Allison, Adele and Audrey
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seems to hurt worse 2nd time around

good things come to those who wait, and wait and wait
  #6  
Old Aug 10, 2005, 03:09 PM
white_iris
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I''m glad we see T tomorrow morning. Man, deedee is really hiding and scared. I'm having my own bad going on too. Big deedee is starting to remember stuff and is scaring her. Only an hr. tomorrow--I think we need a day long session. I know that's not good either. Why did we have to be cut back to 2x a week from the 3 before????? Maybe I'll go hide too.
Vicki
  #7  
Old Aug 10, 2005, 03:50 PM
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shadowdancer shadowdancer is offline
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you're right Vicki, being there the first time was bad enough, to have to go through it a second (and even more in some cases) time seems too much. all i can say is i agree with petunia that in order to flush it all out so we can heal, we have to go through it again. (((((Vicki)))) i am sorry that you are all going through such a bad time. you can still PM me if you want to. i think you have been very brave and very strong and i hope your T tells you that too. keep fighting, you can do it. and stay safe.

(((((((((((((all of you)))))))))))))

-shadow
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i tear my heart open
i sew myself shut
my weakness is
that i care too much
the scars remind me
the past is real
i tear my heart open
just to feel
~Papa Roach
  #8  
Old Aug 10, 2005, 06:15 PM
white_iris
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I've had enough
I'm really done
No more for me
Just can't go on
Vicki
  #9  
Old Aug 10, 2005, 10:08 PM
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Rapunzel Rapunzel is offline
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Hang in there Vicki! ((((hugs)))) <---- only if you want them and it feels safe

-Wendy
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“We should always pray for help, but we should always listen for inspiration and impression to proceed in ways different from those we may have thought of.”
– John H. Groberg

  #10  
Old Aug 10, 2005, 11:20 PM
wisewoman wisewoman is offline
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I am sorry but FEELING it is necessary for recovery. We can and live through it.
  #11  
Old Aug 11, 2005, 09:59 AM
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shadowdancer shadowdancer is offline
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you can do this Vicki! *sends strength* i am always here to talk if you need me. ((((((((((Vicki)))))))) please stay safe. hold on. we're here right behind you to give you strength. take care. please let me know if there is anything i can do.

-shadow
__________________
i tear my heart open
i sew myself shut
my weakness is
that i care too much
the scars remind me
the past is real
i tear my heart open
just to feel
~Papa Roach
  #12  
Old Aug 11, 2005, 10:42 PM
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CedarS CedarS is offline
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(((((((Vicki))))))) Safe hugs if you want 'em. Thinking of you.

Sarah
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  #13  
Old Aug 12, 2005, 12:23 PM
white_iris
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Lost
Hurt
Alone
Mad
locked in
Locked up
Locked out
I can see it under the surface of the water
I can't get to it
I can't reach it
If I grab for it
I'll drown.
Vicki
  #14  
Old Aug 12, 2005, 06:25 PM
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CedarS CedarS is offline
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If you want, we have lifejackets here, enough for everyone, so no one will drown. We have life rafts and canoes and all manner of boats. We have buckets on ropes to collect up things from below.

And over here on land we have cool breezes and soft sand, picnic basket full of treats. Games and toys for those who want. And then over there are signposts of encouragement, for and about those of us with therapists, therapists who can go with us on the difficult journeys, who can help us dig up what has been buried, safely.

We have flashlights and candles for light, sun and moon too. Some of us are looking for our keys, some of us have our keys in hand, some of us even have enough keys to share.
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  #15  
Old Aug 12, 2005, 06:46 PM
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I would like to go with you when you go, if that would be okay. I have a friend who I lost out there.

I will help you too, Vicki. You won't be alone.

Sarah you are a very nice lady. Thank you for the flashlights.

seems to hurt worse 2nd time around

Petunia
  #16  
Old Aug 12, 2005, 09:20 PM
white_iris
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Sarah, You seem prepared for anything. Come with me.
Petunia, Please come with me too, I can't go without you, so I'm not alone.
I just feel so exposed and naked to everyone. How do I know that I really will be taken care of?? Our T is trying to help and sometimes it's ok. But I've said so much and I don't know what to do or where to go from here. Confused. I take care of the others because I think that if I am good then no one will leave me. But I am afraid that if I stay good and stuff then they will think I don't need anyone and leave me anyway. If I don't get better then they can't leave cause they'll know I need them. But there is something missing it is just out of my reach and I don't know what it is. Please help me find it.
Vicki
  #17  
Old Aug 12, 2005, 10:14 PM
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CedarS CedarS is offline
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Petunia comes too. Okay, I got lifejackets for everyone, for you also Vicki. Anyone who wants one can grab one. Choose your color, and if you want a symbol on it or words or anything, it is so.

Mine is orange so I can be seen even during storms and there are words printed on the back: -I deserve life, I am good, I am worthy of good things.-.
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  #18  
Old Aug 22, 2005, 07:44 PM
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seems to hurt worse 2nd time around I would like to go now.

I would like a red one. Gem is coming too.
  #19  
Old Aug 22, 2005, 08:30 PM
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Gemstone Gemstone is offline
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I want purple please.
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seems to hurt worse 2nd time around
  #20  
Old Aug 23, 2005, 11:20 AM
white_iris
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Saw T last night.
We can go now. I just wish someone would tell me how to do all this and not hurt.
Can we all just sit together real close and just let us cry if we want and hug? I so need hugs right now and I so need to cry, but I can't. I never did. But it all feels real tight in my chest and hard to swallow. I don't want to do this anymore.
Vicki
  #21  
Old Aug 23, 2005, 11:30 AM
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{{{{{{{Vicki}}}}}}}}

I don't know how to make it not hurt. I wish I did.

lots of hugs,

gem
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seems to hurt worse 2nd time around
  #22  
Old Aug 23, 2005, 12:46 PM
Hope4me2 Hope4me2 is offline
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{{{{{{{{{{{{white}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
I too do not like having to go all over it again...It S**KS big time....My T said he wishes there was a way to do this without causing more pain....but sorry to say there is not....
your not alone....I feel your pain
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