[dinosaurs]

saw a tv story about neglect and has just left me so sad and upset. just reminds me that i was emotionally neglected. reminds me that i HATE the mother so much for all the social and attachment problems i have today. just reminds me how defective i am in basic people stuff. its like every time i get a reminder like this its like i have to grieve what i never got all over again. and i hate it so much because its so hard to say this is what she did wrong this is what she did to me. because its all about what she DIDN'T do and its so hard for me to know because i don't know what was missing. just a big vague empty hole.

[J-u-s-t-m-e]

I understand. Wish i could tell my mum what she didn't do but i can't change the past and my dad would hate me if i spoke honestly to my mum coz she has manic depression. Sorry i can't offer any advice other then ur not alone with how ur feeling

[googley]

((((((((Dino))))))))))

I'm so sorry. I know what you mean. Be gentle with yourself.

[Sannah]

I was also emotionally neglected and I was behind socially, etc. Yes, you need to mourn this BUT you also need to build today. I was able to fill all the holes and learn what I wasn't taught and now I have a wonderful life.

[sorrel]

I also was emotionally neglected. I understand the grief. It takes time, love, compassion and courage to start to heal. Go gently with yourself.

hi, dino,
thanks for your post. it's time to start filling in that hole you're talking about. fill it will self-love and supportive, understanding friends. fill it with knowledge and skills to overcome the social problems. fill it with mental toughness and a desire to learn, grow and change regardless of how slowly and painful it is. fill it with determination and kindness for yourself. fill it with understanding of yourself and your problems and have compassion for yourself and others. fill it with your goal of rebuilding your life and the freedom that you can improve things. very best to you!

[sugahorse1]

I think I was emotionally neglected. It's something I'm busy working on and discovering in T. It has made me very clingy. And i always feel lonely. BUt I know things will get better.
Even with my current boyfriend, I cannot help feeling emotionally neglected, when he's probably doing his best - I just crave emotional attachment so much, that no person can EVER satisfy that need.

[Typo]

(((((((((((((((((((((Dinos)))))))))))))))))))))))

Here for you my friend, sending lot of safe sparrow feathers and chirps your way!

[dalton]

Originally Posted by dinosaurs

saw a tv story about neglect and has just left me so sad and upset. just reminds me that i was emotionally neglected. reminds me that i HATE the mother so much for all the social and attachment problems i have today. just reminds me how defective i am in basic people stuff. its like every time i get a reminder like this its like i have to grieve what i never got all over again. and i hate it so much because its so hard to say this is what she did wrong this is what she did to me. because its all about what she DIDN'T do and its so hard for me to know because i don't know what was missing. just a big vague empty hole.

I was both abused and neglected. In my experience, neglect is harder to come to terms with.

When you are beaten an otherwise abused, you KNOW what you're angry at.

Neglect can feel worse. What is my worth when the caregivers loathed the sight of me? What is wrong with me, what am I missing that other children were born with?

Feeling profoundly unlovable is a monstrous way to go through life.

Dino....parents should need a licence and years of schooling to have children.Not everyone is what a child needs.The mistakes I made in the rearing of my children;...I see every single one,.....will haunt me to my death.Especially not recognizing issues as they popped up.Every child deserves safety,respect,stability,support,nurturing,and self worth.You certainly did too!! ~W~

[Sannah]

Originally Posted by dalton

What is my worth when the caregivers loathed the sight of me? What is wrong with me, what am I missing that other children were born with?

It wasn't you dalton, she was the one with the problem.

Wolfsong, do you agree with me? The things that you regret with your children, were they because of your issues or because there was something wrong with your children?

Sannah...They were that I had no idea what they were into with their friends...and that they witnessed my depression....and that I was dysfunctional as a parent.I can say I tremendously did better than my parents...still...I had three childrens lives entrusted into my hands.I will always somehow feel responsible for them...and how their lives play out.Logically I realize there is a particular age where a child is more separate from the parents ability to protect ect....I just know that due to my rearing from mother...I desperately needed to be perfect.I was opposite of her.I was blind to issues because I was on my own from age 13.I didn't experience that stage of life,because I had to pose as an adult at 13...then married at 15.So I was unfamiliar with the teen issues that popped up.I feel I dropped the ball alot.~W~

(((((((((((Dalton)))))))))))) Please do not base your selfworth on this history with your mom.You are not responsible for your moms behavior .You are lovable.You are supposed to have parents who assist your growth and self esteem.The problem was them.Can you see that?~W~

[Omers]

Has anyone else notcied how even mainstream therpy as really neglected neglect??? There is so much out there about "abuse and neglect" but then you read it and it is all about the abuse.

More on that pleeeese?

[Omers]

I have a 300+ book library on "child abuse and neglect" not to mention binders of professional papers on it. None of them touch on the unique aspects of neglect. Having been through physical, sexual abuse and neglect the neglect leaves a unique scar. I have not worked with a T yet who has good skills for dealing with neglect. There is always a story about what happened with the others. Neglect is about what didn't happen. So often we think it is "normal" so we don't even know what was missing that we need to tell our T's about and I have never had a T ask any neglect specific questions.

[Sannah]

My only problems were neglect and I was able to benefit immensely from therapy. I worked on my issues of today, however, and then only went back to the past if needed to help resolve the issues of today. I worked on self worth, boundaries, social skills, feelings, empowerment, meeting my needs, living in the present, etc. and all of these childhood development deficits that I had could be traced back to my neglect.

Neglect...ahhh the ultimate prerequisite for an underdeveloped self knowing....and a top criteria for seeking love anyway you can get it.Omers I love walking through your mind...reading your posts.....You are well read ...well spoken...and bring much to the table...~W~

[Omers]

"Neglect...ahhh the ultimate prerequisite for an underdeveloped self knowing" ~W~

That would have nothing to do with my slightly oversized abuse library that is taking over the garage . Or the other libraries (yes that is SO very plural)... one day my garage will break from the house sinking deeply under the weight of tattered books.... Then there are the T's I have uh...researched... yeh, research.

As I have mentioned before I have a great disliking for being bored... Perhaps too many hours home alone growing up.

Tread softly in there my friend... the echos can be deafening.
I too am always curiously excited when I see your wolf running in a thread...Ahh the adventure begins!