Ohgod help me i hurt so much i miss my grampa i hate m mum and my father andlouieandmichel mitchea an auntcyntihia anf uncledony i hae them why did they do these things to me iwas weak and i let them and larry and my mum hates me they don love me iwanswanadie .i amsoo alonr so alon i have noone i hurt i herutplease let me die i am so tired of fixing en evrething plese let me die and uncol bilyi sed ilovyou unclebilly when uncldony died he sa sed i don evin no you.my gram shes gon my grampa dide n frnt of me .she wouldnt let me eat foodshe got naked in frnt of me shes gros jinydad was guna put me in the lak n dron me sed thrythey cant find my body n floorida husban taks wat he wunts im tird i wana dieher son in prisin to her lil babee in prisin cant hold him whydid god letit hapen ehy i wasnt to kep him saf hold my son my son our son so butiful my child wyy husband beat stevin so bad pull him frm the car an beet him at the stoplit why ohow how can ther be evilev likk this i herd a voice wen iwas litle she was litle he was gumsguan guna get her from the closit i no it wa rel real if my feet git durty ill die il die n i cancant eteat he wil levleav if shes not prity prity don tel him dont show her this plspleas shecant breethi cant toooooo c cant vreth i cant i wuna di pls kil ke mei hat wehn he tuches her it herts anshe sassayes pls god let me die wer shakien he wil com bak he wildodi do thatt nshes gna cry i don wana here it to shaken ow now make me stop ogod don tel her she will cut and ytak pilspils shaken hafta go bymercy by

[phoenix7]

(((Wolfie)))))) my dear friend - are you safe now?

are you stil wiht the people that hurt you ?if so can you go somwhere safe?

can you call someone RLwolfie? your T? if you have one - an emergency line if not? please dont take any pills or cut - that is not the answer - we are here and we are listening - come talk wiht us .....

take a deep breath and then another - you can get through this - you wil be ok

Terrible awful thing for me to put here....and really I think I didn't type this....but I don't even know what to think any longer.I think someone is into my account who knows me well.I am sorry bout this.Um really awkward.Is there a mercy on pc? I'm going to see.Sorry bout this.~~WOolf

[Nupoet64]

(((((Wolf)))))...Mercy is scared for you and herself. Please keep yourself safe. You are very important to us.

[WePow]

((((((((((wolfsong)))))))))

If you did not remember writing this, you may need to talk with a T about being DID.
This reminded me of when I was doing my trauma healing and my younger parts came out and sent emails to my T. I would not remember doing that but T sent them back to me and I was shocked.

The mind fights very hard to keep us safe from the evil we find ourselves living in day after day. It is a very sad thing for that type of evil to exist. I am so sorry that you are in so much pain on the inside. Honor that part of you and allow it to have a voice.

[Nupoet64]

Wolf, the way I found out about my DID was on apoetry site. I was submitting poetry. I decided to let my subscription lapse as I had alot going on in real life. Then after about a year, I decided to see if my poems were still up and was thinking of renewing and starting again with the poetry. When I pulled up the page I was shocked to see 2 poems that had been submitted only 3 months before and they were written about being multiple. My account was active. It blew me away.
That was just one account that slapped me in the face. There were several...only a few at first, then more and more showed up. I finally went back to T and told her about all of it.
Please keep yourself safe adn contact T....many hugz,

I Dunno.Sorrie.Yikes.! WOolf...(The 1 WOolf!!!)

[phoenix7]

no sorries necessary - just hope you are ok my friend

We're going to feel this our whole life...how can that be reconciled?...life is a cruel joke...a prison sentence.I won't feel this in a bit...I am good at that....yet it's there....crawling up from the pits of my core and lingering far behind my face.It is't going anywhere is it?I guess the best I can do is put a mask over it and try to exist in the mask.But the mask is sooo thin....just a veil....if I only felt my own shi' it'd be cool but i feel everything around me...other people...I feel their stuff..I feel all the color around me the wildlife...the planet...music...poetry...whatever...it is sooo overwhelming....we really do struggle to stay...just don't want to impact our son...he is so terribly wonderfully magnificent....it is for him we stay.....if u pray...just please send one up for me....I need to be sewn back together...for reals.....(Not gunna let me erase thhis...I wan to but I wont.I dont want pity...hate pity...just a prayer or a warm thought sent up to the heavens...even silently)TY Wolf....P.S I don't hate you mommy ,please help russ from where you are mom ...my hands are tied..I cant help him...M Cmas

[Irine]

(((((((((worlfsong))))))))))

Life is still worth it. With the pain.
I will pray for you my friend.

[kalisha36]

Originally Posted by wolfsong

We're going to feel this our whole life...how can that be reconciled?...life is a cruel joke...a prison sentence.I won't feel this in a bit...I am good at that....yet it's there....crawling up from the pits of my core and lingering far behind my face.It is't going anywhere is it?I guess the best I can do is put a mask over it and try to exist in the mask.But the mask is sooo thin....just a veil....if I only felt my own shi' it'd be cool but i feel everything around me...other people...I feel their stuff..I feel all the color around me the wildlife...the planet...music...poetry...whatever...it is sooo overwhelming....we really do struggle to stay...just don't want to impact our son...he is so terribly wonderfully magnificent....it is for him we stay.....if u pray...just please send one up for me....I need to be sewn back together...for reals.....(Not gunna let me erase thhis...I wan to but I wont.I dont want pity...hate pity...just a prayer or a warm thought sent up to the heavens...even silently)TY Wolf....P.S I don't hate you mommy ,please help russ from where you are mom ...my hands are tied..I cant help him...M Cmas

((((wolfsong))))))))

I don't think you need pity, I think your incredibly strong and even more so for allowing your post to stay. Sometimes allowing our vulnerabilities to manifest is the most healing work that will ever embark upon as hard as that is for us to see at present! Although it may be hard there is a part of you that needs to be heard so that healing can begin in some form some way. Your amazing for just allowing whatever healing process needs to be. The way your described your son in another thread was nothing more then very intelligent and strong which shows how wonderful and BRIGHT and NURTURING and PROTECTIVE you are!!!....Your amazing just from the wisdom and information that you offer others here from the short time that I have been here I have learned allot from reading your post. I hope that you will find the comfort and warmth that you need to continue to allow whatever needs to be heard to continue to come out...Just want to say I am proud of whatever inner self of you that allowed itself to be heard! I am sure that as hard as it was there is a relief in it? Safe hugs if okay

F'n allowing self to feel today.Throats getting tight as I swallow the urge to weep.Push down the realities that are there.Stuff my vulnerability back far beneath the mask...keeps seeping up...trying powerfully to rise to the surface.That is dangerous.Comfortably numb atm...can type this.A bit bitter too.Very bitter.But I will never allow it out.Never ...not in its pure form.I must 'do unto others as I'd have them do unto me'.Otherwise I have lost the fight...resigned fully.We HAVE resigned.Just not fully....not officially.I have resigned from us...but not from them...or from all of you.But the we...................we are broken.We will never be restored to the innocence that was.Once led to that cliff...you simply jump.It doesn't rush up and coddle you once more.Once you pierce the veil of the ideal we are born with.well,then..a putrid ...scent and red glow hisses thru......the thing that is...is reality rushing in...the reality of what is in this world...its transformative capability...its destructive impulse...the weight it bears upon the heart of man.Oddly I am two halves.One is innocent...unstained...able to hold the universe as a pure and lovely symphonic star....swirling atop the tip of gods finger....the other half......sees the darkness.....understands it is there..........is wise from eons of existing and can see right thru it.Then there is we.....the shattered bits of this life in particular....wolfs current life.Fragmented....whole....every opposite you imagine within one molecule.Except one.....I dont have that one.which?...doesnt matter...We know which......You reaching out seems timely ..as this was floating atop my heart as oil does atop water.There was a pressure there.....A deep curtsy for the hug...and a hat tip as well....WO.olf

[kalisha36]

(((((((((hugs))))))))))

Thinking of you!!! Sorry this is so hard!!! Hope things get better. I can't imagine how difficult or painful this is...

Kalisha

sorry that needed to be erased

[ZilchHour]

WolfSong; all you wrote needed to come out and it really is like pealing the skin off when you write and recall such terrible stuff from your past. It's sheer courage and bravery and it definitely shows a sign of strength and hope for a better tomorrow. Because when you feel the pain, it means your mind and body acknowledges that there's soemhting wrong and needs to be taken care of!

Life's been wrong and unfair becuase of certain people in the past. If the life's been cruel to you, it doesn't spare those wrongdoers as well. It must have made them pay for what they did to you! And try to go on with patience and faith like always! Life will reward you for your patience and persistence!

Best wishes and prayers for you, ALWAYS!

I dont want anyone to pay.I want to quell whatever makes them hurt others.I want to heal them.

[Can't Stop Crying]

You have helped ME Wolfsong with your kind words and support. I want to help you. While I can't understand the depth of your pain, some of your emotions resonate with me. Hold on, feel what you need to feel, just please don't hurt yourself!

No worries C.S.C...I am stabile in that regard...I promise...I apologize to have caused you thoughts along those lines.Thank you for your kind words,that means alot to me.~W~

[KathyM]

(((((woflsong))))) You're such a diamond - thank you for sparkling our lives.

You remain in my

Kathy,you didn't have to stop and read this...but you did...and you replied...tenderly.I appreciate that.I feel comforted,I want to say Thank you KathyM.