[wi_fighter]

Just when the heck am I going to be "emotionally ready," as my T says, to stop thinking, caring, obsessing, whatever over this guy? He's not some super human, god-like creature who deserves so much mental attention.

I always caved to his emotional bullying tactics. Never called his bluff on things like "if you do (or don't do)......I will do..... and you'll never......again." So now I'm scared you-know-whatless to test just how much is blowing hot air and how much is for real.

I blindly followed his lead for 17 years and I finally cracked and rebeled, and that's when the real, no-denying-it, everyone else can see it manipulation started in. The "You can't divorce me. I'm not meant to be divorced. I'm the kind of person who stays married forever. You can't leave. You can't survive without me. No one else will want you. You'll never get the kids. You're crazy. You'd still be in the hospital if I hadn't lied to the doctors so you could get out. You're having an affair with those two gay guys, the freak brothers,I just know it. "Someone" told me they saw you leaving the casino with a man, but I can't tell you who said it or you'll call them and go off on them. I know you're leaving the kids with strangers so you can go bleep other guys." Telling me I broke his pelvis on a Thursday, yet he was able to walk 18 holes of golf on Saturday. And then admitting later that a lot of what he said were lies just to see my reaction, but denying it now.

After getting out of the less than 3-day mental health unit stay, him calling the cops EVERY TIME I left the house without notifying him first. Culdn't even walk outside to get a breath of fresh air and some quiet time, or he thought I was going off to kill myself. In front of the cops I said "Why don't you just put a god damned tracking device on me?"

I've been out of our shared house for 5-1/2 years. Just how much longer before I don't give a crap about this guy in any way, shape, or form? We've got kids together and I see him weekly, see the house he's still living in with someone else, that still has my name on the deed since he keeps making excuses for why he can't refinance. It's not like I can just go have some mind sweep done to make me forget that he ever existed in my life. Half of his DNA is present in this place all the frickin time.

He's always held an attitude that he's superior to EVERYONE, not just me. So why do I hold the distorted belief that he can ruin my life at will? I've never seen him do it to anyone else. Oh, nooooo, because he's too nice of a guy to hurt a fly. He's so tolerant and open minded and understanding and thoughtful and supportive and insightful. What a load of CRAP!!!!!!!!!!

Sometimes I wonder how I came out of it all as intact as I am, but I still feel like I'm full of cracks that his poison seeps into and eats me away from the inside.

Guess I need someone to perform an exorcism on me.

[dottie]

I'm sorry WI. Sounds like you have been to H and Back again. Just thinking of such manipulative men just lights my fire.

Can you get him to "quit-claim" on the house? Or perhaps you quit-claim for a certain percentage of money and start over somewhere else. Make a fresh start. To bad you have to see him every week.

Sorry you are going thru such a very hard time!

[wi_fighter]

I've already filed a quit claim so I can't get any profits out of the house if he sells it. He wrote it in the divorce decree (that I was too overwhelmed at the time to have looked at by a lawyer). It can't stop the bank from coming after me if he ever defaults, though, and the house was bought with my VA housing certificate, so even if I COULD afford to buy my own place, I can't. At least not with the VA bennies that come in extremely handy - no down payment, low closing costs, low interest rate.

I feel like he's still living off of me sometimes, and he can't even send along grocery money when I have the kids during his visitation time.

That's probably why I can't get rid of him from my head. He's still sucking something out of me that I don't give him permission to (meaning the housing situation. I've already been told by the VA that I can't do anything about it. I have to just sit around and wait for him to refinance. He *****es about the high mortage cost and how much he could save if he did a refi, but something's keeping him from doing it. Probably the satisfaction of knowing it bothers me that another woman is living in MY house that I could end up paying for. I guess if he wanted to be a huge jerk, he would have defaulted years ago).

How do men get over it when they lose their house to the woman and a new guy moves in? That's the position I'm in. I gave up everything to get away from him, but I'm still not away.

[dayzee9]

((((((((((((((Cheesehead!w/ ))))))))

I have been watching you fight this jerk-wad, %#@&#! downgrade you, drag you through court, mess with your kids minds & totally mess with YOUR mind for almost a year now...do I have to pull up old posts somehow.

Face it, in most abusive relationships, the abused individual still finds themselves drawn to the abusive person b/c it's almost like a bad habit; it's almost "a way of life"; one begins to think they deserve the abuse.

NOW, I KNOW you're A LOT tougher than that, Shirley! You got the "bark and bite" to fight back....BUT HE is a part of your past, he knows your weak spots & it sounds like he knows how to press your buttons............Girl, hang tough!
Write down every nasty-*** thing he's ever done starting way back...you may wind up w/ a novel. But then, shelve it a day or two...when you start to feel sucked in again...get out that book and READ!! REMEMBER!!!

You're a fighter, girl....you didn't come up w/ that user name for nothing...FIGHT!I know you can do it..... PM if you need, o.k?

I am proud of your outstanding progress over the past months! You have every right to, also!


Kool in WI DAYZEE9

[wi_fighter]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Write down every nasty-*** thing he's ever done starting way back...you may wind up w/ a novel. But then, shelve it a day or two...when you start to feel sucked in again...get out that book and READ!!

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Sounds like a damn fine idea if I do say so myself.

T would tell me I'm continuing to play the victim. Like 23 years of history can be wiped out in a week?