Discussing the pain

all my life i've been a bit depressed. As a kid, i wished i was invisible. I've had suicidal thoughts since i was an teenager. The last 5 years have been worse. I want to talk to my T about it. I in no way though want to talk about it as if im thinking about it. Its like this hidden thing that I just want to expose. I don't think i would ever tottally follow thru ... its just a painful place that I want someome to comfort me in. IS there any way to discussed that kind of pain without freaking someone out,.

(((((((((((((((((((((ev))))))))))))))))))))) i think you did that very well just now. could you print this out and take it to t? i don't think that would freak t out at all.

let us know. be safe.

kd

do u think she would make me sign something saying i wont follow through with it? I am not planning to, but i also don't want it to get so serious as her to want me to sign something. I want to talk about it in a way that doesn't make her go that far.

ev, I can't answer that for you. She may ask for a promise from you that if you begin to feel seriously suicidal and it's not alleviating, to tell her about it. I really can't say, though. She may just decide to check in with you once in a while on the thoughts.

I think one thing that will stand up to her is that even though you've had to deal with these thoughts so much, you're still there and seeing her. I think that's going to speak volumes, you know?

Good luck and let us know what you decide?

kd

I think you did a very good job of explaining it right here. I agree with KD that if you don't think you can tell her in person that printing it out may be easier. It seems like you believe you are ready to discuss it with your t but just have that last little bit of fear to overcome.

I don't know your t but mine just asked that I contact her if I felt I was going to follow through. It sounds in your situation that should not be an issue to promise that to your t.

Another option prior to revealing your feelings around this issue you could ask your t generically how they handle something like this and see what they say. Therefore you could decide at that time how much to reveal.

Good luck and stay safe.

ethersvirtue,
You wrote,[...depressed...suicidal thoughts...last 5 years..worse...a painful place...I want someone to comfort me...Is there any way to discuss(ed) ...without freaking someone out...?].
I could offer you support from my perspective via the PM system here.
Lou

(((ev)))

I really worried about freaking out my t too. I was scared by what I was thinking, but also worried that he would somehow make it worse by how he reacted to it. I can't promise how your t will take it. I can tell you that when I did discuss it, my t did not freak out. We talked about what made me feel that desparate at times, the reasons I felt I wouldn't follow through, & ways that I could deal when I was feeling that way. He was really good about it, in that he seemed to understand how difficult it was to admit to those feelings, and how much I wanted to be heard. He didn't condemn, or freak out, or pretend it was nothing or everything, he just talked with me about it in a really serious and thoughtful way that helped immensely.

I think the responses above are really good ideas, bringing in the note already written, feeling her out first in the hypothetical. Take your time and be listen to yourself about what will work the best for you. I hope your experience will be similar to mine, that she will listen and support you through this.

Good luck, and take good care of yourself, Quay