anger question

i read somewhere that one of the stages of recovery is anger. i dont think i will have that stage. is it ok to never be angry at the persons for what they did. i understand how it was wrong. but i am not even slightly angry at them. i see them as people who did something wrong. but i dont think i will ever be angry at them. just wondering if its ok not to be.

I often wonder the same thing. Maybe it's because it was unacceptable for me to be angry when I was young? IDK. I don't feel anger towards my abusers...I feel nothing

All I can say is you've probably avoided a lot of frustration by not feeling angry. Of course it's okay not to feel mad. Everyone's reaction is different and your feelings towards those who wronged you are your own. You're a very strong person if you've managed not to be angry at them and not let yourself be clouded by hatred and rage. I wish I could be more like you that way because I hate those who wronged me with a passion and I don't want to forgive them. So no, it's absolutely normal and a lot of people don't go through the anger stage.

My therapist would remark that I never got angry about the abuse. Finally I did though. It was nearly ten years later and I was angry at my abuser for putting me in the position that I had to chose to fight to survive. We all heal in different ways and that is okay I think as long as we are moving toward healing in our own ways.

I think everybody is different and there are always exceptions
having said that, I thought I would never get angry
I get angry in moments, I scream at the person (who is not really there, I scream into space) for about 10 seconds and say even things I don't mean and this is for individuals who I have cut out of my life for a long time. For those who are still, I haven't been able to be angry yet. I was taught to be seen and not heard. A silent child. I'm still hoping to be angry towards the others because being angry makes me more detached
roses

glad to know this

a lot of people don't go through the anger stage.

thought i would be expected to do it. and not have a choice.

Ok so good to know that I am not the only one who has not directly experience anger at an abuser or abbout the abuse...I also wonder if its because of the fear of losing control of the anger...and not being able to show it as a child and seeing the pain it can cause.
still pondering all of this obviously.... Wonder if Ill ever figure it out.? I never seem to feel anger about anything... who knows

i think fear and control are a part of it. i dont want to ever have certain feelings.

I think that with continued healing and progress that anger will occur.

Everyone heals differently. For me anger and a certain level of rage where huge parts of my life until recently. I was always angry and could never find a way out of it till I started therapy. Anger isn't a bad emotion, it can be powerful and constructive when handled right. No emotion is a bad emotion, just how we feel and that is okay. While my anger was toxic and ate up a lot of my life, I also learned how to handle my anger better and not be afraid of expressing it after I learned to properly. It's okay to not be angry, we all heal our own ways and there is no set path or expectation in our search as survivors to heal. Best wishes to you Suzzie

sannah, thats what im afraid of. that it might happen and i dont want it to.

I wouldn't think ahead. I would just keep working in therapy and take things day by day as they come.

t is getting harder and i keep dissociating through it. i think looking ahead is a way im trying to cope with it. as it distracts and keeps me busy and unfocused.

I see, that makes sense. Your T knows how difficult this is for you?

very good question about anger. there isn't really one way to get over abuse, so your path is your own, so long as you remain open to whatever feeling is inside surfacing when you are ready. you don't have to do recovery in any other way than your own. emotions become conscious when our inner wisdom knows it will be healing, not destructive.
all of that being said, the reason i think some level of anger is important is this:
when my human right to be safe as a child is violated, the natural response is anger. it is built in, i believe, to mobilize us to fight when our rights are oppressed. injustice is supposed to make us mad. including when the unfairness happens to ourselves.
ask yourself--would you be angry at the abuser if your friend told you s/he was abused as a child? probably.
you are just as worthy of righteous anger as the next person. as survivors we can carry the outrage for each other because abuse is just plain wrong.

i think she knows. knows about the dissociating. she told me. she is trying to be careful. but i dont tell her anything.

oh boy did i do the anger stage!! Mine was DV related and it sure caused trouble. I still have a bit of it im sure, but you dont have to, everybody is different. Also remember anger presents it self in many ways, sometimes its not directed at who you expect it to be.
Maybe you passed that stage.....