Why are we the ones who suffer???

I really do not know if there are different parts of me or not(Feels that way) I seem to be able to do what I absolutly have to do then I pay the price.such as very bad headaches, needing to hit my heaad , selfharm or just sit and rock.
I get lots of positive feedback from people on jobs weel done or great ideas, BUT when I hear this feedback I feel like they are not talking to me and that it was someone else who did what ever. I can't sem to ever feel like iot was me. I am a master at minimizing everything.
What ios going on? Why does this happen all the time. Is it at all possible that I have dissociative identity disorder???? . I also have problems with remembering things quite often, especially over the past six months, why now.
I know that I used to have flashbacks regulary, but they just seemed o go away on their own, I had to keep telling myself they are not really happening anymore.
I do how ever have a lot of triggers.and they really have a huge effect on me, usually to the point that I can't function properly.

I just want to say thank you very much for the first feedback , and yea I am on medication 1- for anxiety, 2- Doxepin for sleeping as I have lots of terrible night mares and this helps me not have them and 3-Seroqual to help with not hearing bad things in my mind that I need to die etc. this one only seems to help sometimes.
I will try writing things down, sounds like it could help. Thanks
Also i feel very welcomed to this site, it was a little scarry at first for me to type my first entry, but knowing that I am not being judged really helps.

I have the same problem, soscared. I firmly believe (which my T disagrees with) that there are two diff. people in me - the nice, efficient organized me that goes to work, does an awesome job, aces tests, etc. Then there is #2, the real me who is such a mess that I can't be allowed to really run anything because it would be a disaster.

#1 gets all the compliments about work, and staying on top of things. #2 does SI, and is very scared. It is easy for #1 to stay in control - there is more aggression within her and she simply functions.

I had problems remembering things because of the meds that I was on, but since I have changed them, it is 100% better.

You'll be okay........my T keeps telling me that both of them are really me and that I have to bring the two people together and merge them. I don't believe that is possible.

Take care of yourself, and try not to stress out. Focus on one thing at a time, not the whole picture........it may help.

Mary Alice

Re Soscared: good to see you were welcomed on here. Great idea if you get writing on a regular basis, please keep writing. It may help you if you see my blog. (clicking it from the page doesn't always work, I'm finding, but type it in manually and it should be o.k.) The address is: http:// john4.psychcentral.net
There you will see lots of poems which I hope will help you. Keep in touch! and good luck.