[desirae]

Amother year stuck here in this marrige.

I don't know what to do anymore.

Last night, my husband brings home an 18 pack. I guess he was hoping I wouldn't notice since it's New Years and all that.

I never do say anything because it causes major problems, but last night something snapped. Maybe it was the energy from the new year. Whatever it was I was not scared of him anymore.

I pointed out to him that he was a drunk, a workaholic, emotionally, verbally, and abusive person. I also told him he was ruining our family.

I did not yell, I did not shout, but I was sure that he heard me this time.

Of course he sheilded himself with his smartass humor. Then the insults came, horrible ones too. But it didn't matter for some reason he can't hurt me now.

I recieved a letter in the mail, it is a large amount of money my grandmother had hid before she passed away. In her will she asked that I not recieve it till 2006.

I'm thinking about escaping this place and becoming free. But I don't think I have the guts.

What would you do?

Desirae

[LMo]

Without knowing more of the background, my initial reaction is that I would start developing a solid plan for your future; one that doesn't include him. A good plan eliminates the need for guts.

[Lexicon78]

I've been in the same kind of relationship you are in now. If you'd like to keep your sanity, your life, and everything else you value leave the jerk. Trust me on this one. He will only try to bring you down further and further. He will do everything to make you feel terrible and depend on him.

You need to escape this hell that you are in. I wouldn't call it a marriage, I would call it hell, imprisonment, etc.

I'm here if you need me.

[(JD)]

I would leave. If you can endure such abuse, you are strong enough to leave. Contact your local women in distress org. and they will help you with what plans you need to make. Since you have some money now, it's important to make a clean break away, so you aren't responsible for his bills once you leave. (Calling any credit card companies and such and telling them you are no longer responsible for his bills..nor debt.. put it in writing, too.) Stuff like that.

If you don't have credit in your own name, and need it to get a place to live on your own, open a credit card with a savings account as asset... and then charge and pay it completely each billing cycle. That builds good credit.

Again, contact a local organization that knows all about how to do this safely.. and be safe!

[creynolds222]

GO FOR IT!! I left my husband 7 months ago. He was more verbally and mentally abusive then he was physical. He was big on the drinking and that is when it became physical so I would just stay away from hin so that I wouldn't say anything that was going to upset him. My name was permanatly B@TCH. Don't get me wrong, it took a long time for me to get up the nerve to leave. And I am struggling right now but it is mostly because of financial problems. But I am happier now then I ever was with him. I wouldn't change my decision for anything in the world. My children are alot happier too. It is going to be hard but it is well worth it. No matter what he says, you are worth so much more!! LEAVE and be HAPPY!!!

[CedarS]

[AlwaysSearching]

Your story sounds familar to me, but, as the daughter of someone like your husband, I have a different view.

My parents were married for thirty-five years, and my father was an alcoholic who alternated between being cold and distant and verbally abusive. Mom didn't have the money to leave him and move somewhere else, and the marriage only ended when my father died.

I wish Mom had been able to leave her husband, and I hope that you can find the strength to go through with leaving yours and spare yourself further pain. You deserve to really live.