[likewater]

From a couple other posts this subject came for me. I was abused by my mother. Someone pointed out this can present special
confusion and obstacles for healing. Are there others of us out there?

[Morgana]

My mother abused me. And neglected me. And turned a blind eye to everyone else abusing me.

Having a hard time coming to grips with it, but my alters have also shown bits of memory that show she sexually abused me, at least in some ways. :/

I think it is more confusing when your mother abuses you, it's like...she's the one who's supposed to always protect you and help you and comfort you, that's how it's presented in everything, like the "mama bear" image, and all of those things like that. Mom is the one who loves you. When things go wrong...they go really, really wrong, I think.

[Ardmore]

My mom scarred me for life, I understand how you feel

[likewater]

Ardmore and Morgana, im sorry. Yeah. When things go wrong, they do go really, really wrong. My mom was twisted smart. Her
friends would tell me how lucky i was to have her as a mom. Yeah right. She could fool anybody.

My mum has called me all sorts of names. She has verbally abused me. I have seen her go mental before. It's not nice.

[BrokenNBeautiful]

Originally Posted by Morgana

My mother abused me. And neglected me. And turned a blind eye to everyone else abusing me.

Having a hard time coming to grips with it, but my alters have also shown bits of memory that show she sexually abused me, at least in some ways. :/

I think it is more confusing when your mother abuses you, it's like...she's the one who's supposed to always protect you and help you and comfort you, that's how it's presented in everything, like the "mama bear" image, and all of those things like that. Mom is the one who loves you. When things go wrong...they go really, really wrong, I think.

Many mothers abuse us covertly.

It is not clear and we may get very confused about how to interpret it. "Did she do anything, really?" or "Is a normal mother supposed to bathe us between our legs?" etc. Just examples.

Billi

[BrokenNBeautiful]

Originally Posted by likewater

Ardmore and Morgana, im sorry. Yeah. When things go wrong, they do go really, really wrong. My mom was twisted smart. Her
friends would tell me how lucky i was to have her as a mom. Yeah right. She could fool anybody.

Many ppl kept telling me how lucky I was to have an aunt and to have someone who loved me so much. So I did not deal with it until I became an adult.

B.

[bluemountains]

As I read this post, I reflect over how my mother neglected us, four out of five of her children. My oldest brother, one of my abusers, had moved in with my father. My mother would leave us for days on end. She would leave my older sister in charge. This happened for about four years, from the time I was 6 until I was 10 when she remarried.

As I read your posts, I wonder if I would have preferred having my mother there, even if she was abusive. I don't know, but I remember how desperate we were at times for food or lunch money for school. My sister would keep it together as best she could, making sure we caught the school bus each day. The really sad thing about the food situation is that both of my parents worked, and no one knew we didn't have any parental supervision or money in our house.

My father only stopped by when he had to take us with him, visitation was something he didn't want but had to do because my mother insisted. That's another chapter of abuse.

My mother also presented the perfect image to friends and neighbors.

[likewater]

((((Bluemountains)))), im so sorry. I dont want to go into too many details because of triggers but i know what it's like to have a mother that lacks all maternal instincts. But our mom had a reason, she is paranoid schizophrenic. I believe someday in heaven, i will meet my mom and she will be herself without her illness. Her illness makes her cruel, indifferent and violent. What people dont
understand is she is still genius level smart. No one realizes that very often things are really not as they appear.

My mother was emotionally, physically and sexually abusive. People who meet her think she's sooooo sweet and wonderful. My dad was also physically abusive, but not on a daily basis like my mom, and he never touched us inappropriately. I tried to tell my middle school counselor about what was happening with both my parents. He not only didn't believe me, he told my mother what I said so she would know I was "making up stories" about her.

[purple_fins]

all of you that posted here

I can so relate to what has been said.

I agree Morgana-- about it being extra confusing with an abusive mother....
the child is usually with the mother more, needs nurturing, compassion and unconditional love from her more than anyone else.

Yep, she-- the cornerstone of the community, while her other side came out to those without a voice.

fins

[kasva]

hi likewater....your post resonated with me as well. my mother was s. abusive and neglectful. Her boyfriend of nine years was pure evil though. with him its easy i hate him in all ways.with my mom i still had love for. and sometimes she was nice and other times mean. but...it leaves me quite conflicted about how i REALLY fell about her.hugs if okay.......kasva

[peridot28]

Trigger warning: graphic description of my experience.

Originally Posted by likewater

From a couple other posts this subject came for me. I was abused by my mother. Someone pointed out this can present special
confusion and obstacles for healing. Are there others of us out there?

likewater, I totally understand what you're going through. I was sexually abused by my mother and 100's of men she brought home. She is an evil woman and I hate her. I don't feel any shame in saying that. You're right, it does present special confusion and obstacles for healing. I came from this woman and yet she never held me in a loving or maternal way. She held me down with my arms over my head with an evil grin on her face while she let strange men brutally abuse me. She was not a mom to me, EVER.

This kind of abuse messes with every part of who you are. I'm a 38 year old female, and I struggle to look in the mirror because I see her face. I get dressed in the dark and comb my hair in the dark, because I can't stand the look of my face, because I see hers.

[likewater]

Warning trigger SA account((((Peridot))))there are no words to say how sorry i am for what you endured. I am glad that ypu are put of that situation now. Its a miracle you survived.

i too struggle because i look like my mom too. Your case is a little more severe, i dont have to come my hair in the dark, but i hate what i see. My mom did some very similar things. Im also 38. But she was ill. When i was littler she had some times out of her illness, she could be kind then. But she could be kind one moment, and try to kill us the next. I hate her and love her at the same time and really grossed out i had sex with her. She raped me, then continued to have that type of
relationship with me until my sister was able to come get me to live with her when i was 14.

[likewater]

I tried to tell my middle school counselor about what was happening with both my parents. He not only didn't believe me, he told my mother what I said so she would know I was "making up stories" about her.

((mykidsarecool)) i'm so sorry, that you tried to get help and betrayed by your school counselor. you were betrayed by everyone around you and had absolutely no one you could trust. i don't know what the heck was wrong with that school counselor. he wasnt qualified to be janitor of a school much less a counselor.

[Purple Heart]

(((likewater))) and (((bluemountains))) - it's like your describing my childhood! My mother was like both of yours. She did and still does trick everybody around her into believing she has no issues. No one really sees her for who she really is. Read the tale of The Emperor's New Clothes by Hans Christian Anderson, which illustrates well what my mother is like in terms of being placed on a pedestal and no one seeing it. Read it - a great little story. My mum got my oldest sister to do her 'dirty work' by emasculating me at age 11. Yes my body memories told me this. If you want to stay in contact message me.

[bluemountains]

(((Purple_Heart)))
I tried a friend request, hopefully it went through. The one good thing I can say is that I do have two siblings who have been my pack, so to speak. The three of us in the middle took most of the abuse from the parents, so we have managed to take care of each other over the years. I had trouble opening your link; however, I know the story of "The Emporer's New Clothes" well. I am so sorry for what you suffered, the only silver lining in my story is that my mother wasn't a mean person, she just allowed herself to forget about us when she was away from us, and in her party mode. All of the other abuse I suffered was because there was no one around to protect me. I was pretty fiesty as a child, but I couldn't avoid the abuse from my oldest brother and my father; however, I am ?happy? to say I managed to fight off two teenaged attackers when they attempted to rape me at age 8.

As I read all of our posts, I do see a spirit of survival throughout all of our stories. We are scarred, but I think we all have the spirit to heal.

(((Hugs to all!)))
Bluemountains