[Nemo39122]

I'm tired of them trying to make me feel guilty. I'm tired of them thinking I should just be fine. I'm tired of being blamed for things that happened to me.

As you may know from other threads, my dad is moving out because my mom found out that, shockingly, his past abuse actually bothers me. He's probably getting an overseas job that would only have him here on holidays.

The problem? Well, my mom has decided to start acting like this is such a huge inconvenience for her. She used to always complain about how he never helped out or did anything besides drink. Now she's acting like he's always been so helpful and she won't know what to do without him here. Saying she doesn't know what she's going to do. She's even blamed me for certain things that happened, with things like "I guess he just couldn't take all your crying" yeah, babies should know better.

I don't really know how to explain this. I don't know if its even completely because of them or not, but I'm starting to feel like I should apologize for the consequences of things that happened, or even apologize for the things that happened. Then maybe that would make the guilt go away. I don't even know why I feel guilty though. Logically I know I shouldn't apologize for anything. I know none of this is my fault. But it doesn't feel that way. Once again all the problems in my "family" can be traced back to my existence, and it sucks.

[Sannah]

You write that you know better but it doesn't change much. Maybe you head knows better but emotionally they are roping you in? Maybe you will have more luck if you focus on the emotional aspect of all of this?

Nemo, I don't know your age, but it may be better if you move out. There's absolutely no reason for you to feel guilty about what your parents have done to you. (Yes, your mom, too.) Unfortunately, it will be extremely hard to know this on an emotional level until you can put some distance between them and you for a significant period of time.

Love yourself by putting your needs first. Good luck!

[Nemo39122]

@Sannah: Maybe. I'm a little afraid that it's a bad idea to focus on really any emotions related to this. I worry that it's actually bothering me alot more than I realize, and I'm just a bit numb to the whole situation.

@ThroughTheFire: Yeah I'm going to be moving out as soon as possible. Right now my parents don't have enough money to help me out with that, and I honestly don't have any free time between college and martial arts (I'm training to be an instructor, so yes I have to go. plus I love it too much to quit). So, I'm kind of stuck for a few months. But I will be moving out next year; late spring/early summer at the latest.

[Crew]

((((Nemo))))))))))

Hey, from what I learned and it doesn't mean it's right but I used to feel Guilt until I realized that Guilt is something someone puts on you. Just my opinion, and yes easier said then done but the Guilt you feel is not brought on by you, it is those that hurt you, it is there Guilt, put the blame where it belongs and the way I read your Thread, it belongs with those that hurt you. Put it where it belongs.......... I wish you peace, I wish you peace from the Guilt your feeling. It's not yours give it back to those that hurt you.

Your in my thoughts and were thinking of you....I do wish you peace. Crew

[googley]

((((((((((((Dory))))))))))))))

I have to go to work and will write more later. But I wanted to let you know that I read your post and I am sorry she is responding in this way. It must be so hurtful to believe that she was going to be supportive and then have her back peddle on that and start blaming you.

[InTheShadows]

Hi Nemos!

*Pounces and licks*

Sorry, had to get that in there. I wanted to reach out to you and let you know that you are not alone. My father was a drug dealer, went to prison when I was roughly 2 or so. My mother remarried (after dating a lot for three years) a pedophile. I think she chose the second marriage because he could provide for the family, I needed health insurance for the 8 surgeries I was yet to have. I can't tell you how many times my step-father walked out on my mom and told me it was my fault. I heard my mom once telling (more like yelling) at my older brother that when I was born my father wanted to give me up for adoption because I born with a pretty severe (but fixable) birth defect.

Luckily I'm twelve years outside of moving out and not having to be around them and their toxicity. I want you to know that life will not always include them. You are capable of making your own way, breaking free and letting go of their bull *****.

One of the things I found most difficult was the desire to have a mom and dad that I could talk to and trust and get love and affection from, while at the same time knowing they were not capable of that. Just because they couldn't give me what I needed didn't mean I stopped needing or wanting it. As an adult, I have had to learn that I need to either find other ways to get those needs met, or meet those needs for myself.

You are a wonderful person. You deserve so much better than what you have been through. If there is anything I can do to help at all, please know I am here and willing to help you through this difficult time in your life. I genuinely care about you and your well-being and want to do anything I can to help you make the life you deserve for yourself.

All my love and more,
ItS

[Sannah]

Originally Posted by Nemo39122

@Sannah: Maybe. I'm a little afraid that it's a bad idea to focus on really any emotions related to this. I worry that it's actually bothering me alot more than I realize, and I'm just a bit numb to the whole situation.

So will you eventually be able to explore the emotional side of all of this?