[turquoise4]

I have some past experiences that are really hard for me to talk about but they affect me everyday. They involve inappropriate touching by my father. A lot of my memories are cloudy and a little vague or in bits and pieces. I spent a lot of time doubting them, now I'm getting closer to believing them, but sometimes I still doubt them and feel like I am the one to blame. Like I must be the person who is wrong. There is not more than that I can say about the memories now, but they have been really bothering me lately. I have been having strong physical sensations that make me feel so gross. I just need some support if that is ok. I'm feeling very vulnerable.

[pbutton]

This sounds really hard. I am sorry you are going through this. I also have trouble doubting myself.

[Sannah]

Hi Turquoise, do you have a therapist to help you work through this?

[struggling2]

Hi Turquoise,
Wanted to say, I know where you're at. I feel like i could've written your whole post today. The doubt, the memories, the haziness, the wondering, etc. The sensations. Its awful. All of it. If you need to talk more feel free to PM me. I wish I had some really big piece of advice but all I can say is im right there with you and you're not alone.


Struggling

[Leed]

Hi Turquoise ~ Bless your heart. The FIRST thing you need to know is: IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT!!! You did NOT cause this. You did NOTHING WRONG!!! If you remember this happening to you, then it is undoubtedly TRUE.

Sweetie, you need to talk with a therapist to help bring these memories to the forefront so you can deal with them appropriately, and put them to rest. It will be painful at first, but once you know EXACTLY what they are, then you can cope with them -- and bury them. After that, they cannot hurt you anymore!!! They will be gone. But you need a therapist to help you to that. So please make an appointment SOON so this can be taken care of, ok?

I can understand why you feel vulnerable -- anyone would. This is something you don't want to carry around with you very long. You need to get RID of it as soon as you can. Of course you can talk about it with us here, but since we aren't professionals, we can't really help you in the way that you need. We can offer support, but you need more than that. So make the call, but keep talking here too.

God bless sweetie, and don't hesitate to private message any of us if you want to talk in private. Hugs, Lee

[turquoise4]

Thanks for the support, everyone. I am seeing a therapist and we are addressing this issue in therapy. Its still hard for me to talk about the memories and I am still fuzzy about some of them though. I'm not sure what it will take for me to fully believe them at this point. I have been in therapy for a while and with different therapists, spending a few years with each. I am worried I am in some way defective because I can not seem to move forward with this issue no matter what I do.

[Sannah]

There must be some reasons why you don't want to accept what happened?